Best Man speech

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RedCOMET

RedCOMET

Platinum Member
Jul 8, 2002
2,836
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Make it short.

If people get drunk at the reception, the only thing they remember is not how well or how funny your speech was, they will remember just how long it was.

The shorter the speech is while still be heart felt, funny, etc the better. My best man speech was under 5 minutes. I had a personal story about my brother and I, real short. Said a few words about my brother and his wife tieing in some theme of commitment, devotion, and love, and then finished it off with a toast.
 
Mo0o

Mo0o

Lifer
Jul 31, 2001
24,227
3
76
My best man did a powerpoint presentation. Jokes are easier to get when you have funny pictures to go with it since you dont have to verbally explain funny pictures.
 
Mr. Lennon

Mr. Lennon

Diamond Member
Jul 2, 2004
3,492
1
81
There will be a lot of Christians there. One of my jokes involves sex advice. Should I care about pissing anyone off? I don't really care because I'm certain most will laugh.
 
Mike Gayner

Mike Gayner

Diamond Member
Jan 5, 2007
6,175
3
0
RedCOMET said:
Make it short.

If people get drunk at the reception, the only thing they remember is not how well or how funny your speech was, they will remember just how long it was.

The shorter the speech is while still be heart felt, funny, etc the better. My best man speech was under 5 minutes. I had a personal story about my brother and I, real short. Said a few words about my brother and his wife tieing in some theme of commitment, devotion, and love, and then finished it off with a toast.
Click to expand...

For the love of god this. We're at the age where everyone's starting to get married, so we're going to 2-3 weddings a year. There's a direct negative correlation between the length of speeches and people's enjoyment of the ceremony. God I hate the weddings where speeches just go on and on and on.
 
Mike Gayner

Mike Gayner

Diamond Member
Jan 5, 2007
6,175
3
0
Mr. Lennon said:
There will be a lot of Christians there. One of my jokes involves sex advice. Should I care about pissing anyone off? I don't really care because I'm certain most will laugh.
Click to expand...

Christians are universally humourless asshats.
 
Locut0s

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,205
43
91
Mr. Lennon said:
There will be a lot of Christians there. One of my jokes involves sex advice. Should I care about pissing anyone off? I don't really care because I'm certain most will laugh.
Click to expand...


"So a Hindu, a Christian and a Jew walk into a bar. The bartender says 'God doesn't exist, heaven doesn't exist, you don't have a soul, and Jesus died for nothing. When you die that's it, no afterlife, no nothing, just your body rotting in the ground'."

ba dum dum

Pretend to sit down then remember something and get up "Oh and a toast to the lovely bride and groom"
 
Locut0s

Locut0s

Lifer
Nov 28, 2001
22,205
43
91
Also make sure to drink a bottle of 151 before giving your speech. Gotta loosen up a bit.
 
N

nanette1985

Diamond Member
Oct 12, 2005
4,209
2
0
Don't sweat it. Nobody's going to remember anything you say anyway. Go with the standard classic best man speech, keep it short and sweet, and enjoy yourself.
 
kranky

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,019
156
106
I would steer clear of anything offensive. YOU might not care, but the families of the bride and groom might care a lot. They might not want to be embarrassed in front of their friends and relatives and the person who officiated the wedding. Use that material at the bachelor party.

Seen it happen, years later the families still talk about "that guy who was so crude at Bob's reception." And "that guy" still isn't welcome at family events even though he's still good friends with Bob.
 
Zeze

Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
11,395
1,187
126
I love public speaking and making speeches. Format is simple:

1. This is your moment, seize it.
2. Start with a quick intro about yourself and groom.
3. Pick a funny story about you two, preferably from back in the days
4. Say another joke about how the bride is best the groom's gonna get.
5. Finish with a sincere line and toast.
 
Zeze

Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
11,395
1,187
126
kranky said:
I would steer clear of anything offensive. YOU might not care, but the families of the bride and groom might care a lot. They might not want to be embarrassed in front of their friends and relatives and the person who officiated the wedding. Use that material at the bachelor party.

Seen it happen, years later the families still talk about "that guy who was so crude at Bob's reception." And "that guy" still isn't welcome at family events even though he's still good friends with Bob.
Click to expand...

Totally this. I like 'pushing the envelope', but I stay clear when the speech is directed to everyone at wedding.

BUT you can still get away with a nice joke too. It all depends on the vibe and your delivery.
 
xanis

xanis

Lifer
Sep 11, 2005
17,571
8
0
Zeze said:
I love public speaking and making speeches. Format is simple:

1. This is your moment, seize it.
2. Start with a quick intro about yourself and groom.
3. Pick a funny story about you two, preferably from back in the days
4. Say another joke about how the bride is best the groom's gonna get.
5. Finish with a sincere line and toast.
Click to expand...

This is a solid formula. Quick, simple, and shows you give a shit.
 
SpunkyJones

SpunkyJones

Diamond Member
Apr 1, 2004
5,090
1
81
Don't go too over the top. This day is about the groom and the bride, not you. Keep it short and sweet.
 
Mr. Lennon

Mr. Lennon

Diamond Member
Jul 2, 2004
3,492
1
81
One of my jokes is "(brides name here), I have one simple advice for you. Guys have only two emotions, hunger and horny. If you see him without a erection, make him a sandwich. "

That's not that bad, right?
 
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