- Sep 30, 2006
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On the Importance of Clean Underwear
The following is an historical re-enactment of one day in the life of six-year-old Rudy Toody in his home town-- Fairbanks, Alaska.
That morning:
"Mom, I am leaving for school now."
"Wait a minute young man. Did you put on clean underwear this morning?"
"Oh, Mom, nothing is going to happen to me."
"What if you get run over by an army truck and have to go to the hospital?"
"The army trucks travel on other streets."
"What if you get stomped by a moose?"
"If I see a moose I will run into the nearest house and wait until it goes away. Just like you taught me."
"OK, I will allow it this time, but be extra careful."
Some time later:
"Doctor Haglund," said the nurse, "we have an emergency! On his way to school, little Rudy Toody was run over by an army truck. And while he was waiting for the ambulance he was stomped by a moose. And we cannot admit him to the hospital because he is in direct violation of the Clean Underwear Rule."
"I think we can make a mental health exception because, since the day I delivered Rudy, he has been afflicted by smartassitis and cannot be held responsible for his actions."
Some time much later:
"Doctor Haglund, do you have any news about my son?"
"Mrs. Toody, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you prefer to hear first?"
"Tell me the bad news first."
"OK, the bad news is: Due to the moose stomping, Rudy has lost 50 percent of his brain function with no chance for improvement.
"The good news is: He now fits in quite well with everyone else who chooses to live year-round near the Arctic Circle."
The moral of this story:
Children should always wear clean underwear, unless they are afflicted by smartassitis.
The following is an historical re-enactment of one day in the life of six-year-old Rudy Toody in his home town-- Fairbanks, Alaska.
That morning:
"Mom, I am leaving for school now."
"Wait a minute young man. Did you put on clean underwear this morning?"
"Oh, Mom, nothing is going to happen to me."
"What if you get run over by an army truck and have to go to the hospital?"
"The army trucks travel on other streets."
"What if you get stomped by a moose?"
"If I see a moose I will run into the nearest house and wait until it goes away. Just like you taught me."
"OK, I will allow it this time, but be extra careful."
Some time later:
"Doctor Haglund," said the nurse, "we have an emergency! On his way to school, little Rudy Toody was run over by an army truck. And while he was waiting for the ambulance he was stomped by a moose. And we cannot admit him to the hospital because he is in direct violation of the Clean Underwear Rule."
"I think we can make a mental health exception because, since the day I delivered Rudy, he has been afflicted by smartassitis and cannot be held responsible for his actions."
Some time much later:
"Doctor Haglund, do you have any news about my son?"
"Mrs. Toody, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you prefer to hear first?"
"Tell me the bad news first."
"OK, the bad news is: Due to the moose stomping, Rudy has lost 50 percent of his brain function with no chance for improvement.
"The good news is: He now fits in quite well with everyone else who chooses to live year-round near the Arctic Circle."
The moral of this story:
Children should always wear clean underwear, unless they are afflicted by smartassitis.
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