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Basic Rules for Driving

JEDIYoda

JEDIYoda

Lifer
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and they are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
12. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

 
14) It's ALWAYS the other driver's fault. It's not like you can drive for 2 people, so they should just move aside and be grateful in your presence.😀
 
While making a right turn, it is absolutely necessary to come to a complete stop, turn your wheel, and accelerate into the next street.
 
Originally posted by: Lurknomore
14) It's ALWAYS the other driver's fault. It's not like you can drive for 2 people, so they should just move aside and be grateful in your presence.😀
Click to expand...

No kidding. One of my company's drivers was sitting at a red light and a woman coming towards him in the other lane locked up her brakes and slid 60+ feet and hit our driver (who was stationary). She didn't have a drivers licences or insurance. Her boyfriend called the next day wanting to know when we were going to pay for her car to get fixed.
:disgust:

Edit: I should mention this was during all the fun snow and ice we had a couple days ago.
 
Originally posted by: misle
Originally posted by: Lurknomore
14) It's ALWAYS the other driver's fault. It's not like you can drive for 2 people, so they should just move aside and be grateful in your presence.😀
Click to expand...

No kidding. One of my company's drivers was sitting at a red light and a woman coming towards him in the other lane locked up her brakes and slid 60+ feet and hit our driver (who was stationary). She didn't have a drivers licences or insurance. Her boyfriend called the next day wanting to know when we were going to pay for her car to get fixed.
:disgust:

Edit: I should mention this was during all the fun snow and ice we had a couple days ago.
Click to expand...

Must be his (the boyfriend's) definition of no-fault insurance- YOUR fault insurance.
You're insured, so it must be your fault???😕:disgust:

Lemme add:
16) To drop a honking tail-gater, slow down at the yellow light, wait till it turns red, then slyly drive through leaving him in the dust. NOTE- watch for smokey and camera boxes.
 
17) Yield signs mean either "come to a complete stop" or "completely ignore me." Choose whichever you want when you approach one.

18) When at a four-way stop, always lose track of how many cars were stopped before you arrived at the stop sign. Then just go whenever you want.

19) Don't learn how to parallel park. Just fvck up all the traffic behind you because your Ford Explorer is sitting perpendicular to the curb. They'll understand.
 
19) Always come to a complete stop for all speedbumps rather than simply driving over them at 5 mph. When in doubt, inch halfway over the speedbump, chicken out, and let your car roll backwards off the speedbump, then wait 30 seconds to build up your confidence again. Wonder why the guy behind you is gesturing angrily.

20) When the corners are marked at 25 mph, slow down to 10 mph just to be safe. Pay no attention to the 5 cars that you are holding up behind you.

ZV
 
Originally posted by: JEDIYoda
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
Click to expand...

That's surprisingly true.
I never come to a complete stop.
 

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.
Depends on location. In major metro area?

true. Anywhere else? It's safer and polite, and there are few douche bags who will cut you off.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

High traffic? yes. Low traffic? Just sit with a good amount of space ahead of you.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.

Yup, often more natural.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

true.

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

only do it when I think a cop might be around.

6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
😀

7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

I have this perverse attraction to brake pumpage 😕

8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

😀
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and they are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

SPEEED motherfvcker! SPEEED!!!!!

10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

If I could catch one of these fvcks at a rest stop... I'D CUT THEM!

12. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

Last one there is a FAIRY!

 
Originally posted by: JEDIYoda

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
Click to expand...

This is not necessarily bad advice, especially at stop signs where there are few cars going by. I know of one stop sign near my house that almost no one stops fully at (I always do). On at least a few occasions I've nearly been rear ended by some jackass who thought I was gonna blow through the stop sign like they intended to. I still stop anyways, but you gotta look out.
 
WEll, if you are crossing multiple lanes, you are supposed to signal once and go for gold. If you don't do that, you actually lose points on your driver's test here (MN).
 
13) Never drive beside another vehicle or in their blind spot.

14) Always keept at least two emergency moves open and pre-planned (slamming on brakes, jerking left or right, stomping the throttle, etc)
 
When driving home to repost something that you got in an email, be sure to cut close to the curb and scare pedestrians.
 
When driving down a road, it is best to fluctuate speeds at a rate of 5-10 miles an hour every 5 seconds or so. This tests whether or not the person behind you is alert, and it should always be done to make sure they are paying attention. They will not get angry at you; they will respect your driving abilities.
 
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