- Oct 9, 1999
- 12,513
- 49
- 91
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM "AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL":
Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil,"
Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just
as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-
North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having (for starters) a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...
in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody
knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have
three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift:
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in
what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said
they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with
Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As
Just Generally Disagreeable."
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis
of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host
the Olympics." Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About
America," And Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "Axis of
Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a
threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.
Wondering if the other nations of the world were making fun of him, a
cautious Bush granted approval for most axes. However, he rejected the
establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay',"
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil,"
Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just
as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-
North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having (for starters) a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...
in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody
knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have
three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift:
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in
what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said
they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with
Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As
Just Generally Disagreeable."
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis
of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host
the Olympics." Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About
America," And Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "Axis of
Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a
threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.
Wondering if the other nations of the world were making fun of him, a
cautious Bush granted approval for most axes. However, he rejected the
establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay',"
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
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