ATOT please check in!

[NoShangriLa]

I just got back from my mom house and I?m still shaken from the news.

My mom & GF cooked up the idea that I & the GF should be marry next summer and they are looking at 100 guests with a rough estimate of 40K-45K.

She wanted a real diamond ring (high quality), church wedding, fresh cut flowers, dance hall, and restaurant.

I want to have simple buffet, outdoor, cut flowers/dry flowers, cheap ring (up grade when we have more money).

I don't want to rush into debt because we recently purchase a 500K home, she will be back to school (nurse practitioner) during the time, and it is going to be hard because she wanted to have kids soon after wedding.

I'm thinking of growing my own flowers (early Aug wedding), however it is going to be hard to find the time to take care of the plants because I will be pulling lots of OT to get ready for the big spend.

<-- Vietnamese with Chinese GF.

 

[patentman]

I'm married, and I can tell you first hand spending 50k on a wedding is a HUGE waste of money. Especially because your wedding day is so hectic and filled with meeting/greating people you hardly know that by the end of it all, you hardly remember anything.

You have your head screwed on straight, your GF and mother in law do not.

But then again, if the GF's family is paying, go for it! Hell, free booze for everyone!

 

[NoShangriLa]

Originally posted by: patentman
I'm married, and I can tell you first hand spending 50k on a wedding is a HUGE waste of money. Especially because your wedding day is so hectic and filled with meeting/greating people you hardly know that by the end of it all, you hardly remember anything.

You have your head screwed on straight, your GF and mother in law do not.

But then again, if the GF's family is paying, go for it! Hell, free booze for everyone!

It is mostly her mom & my GF but my mom is in it as well, and the GF & I are footing the bills.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa
I just got back from my mom house and I?m still shaken from the news.

My mom & GF cooked up the idea that I & the GF should be marry next summer and they are looking at 100 guests with a rough estimate of 40K-45K.

She wanted a real diamond ring (high quality), church wedding, fresh cut flowers, dance hall, and restaurant.

I want to have simple buffet, outdoor, cut flowers/dry flowers, cheap ring (up grade when we have more money).

I don't want to rush into debt because we recently purchase a 500K home, she will be back to school (nurse practitioner) during the time, and it is going to be hard because she wanted to have kids soon after wedding.

I'm thinking of growing my own flowers (early Aug wedding), however it is going to be hard to find the time to take care of the plants because I will be pulling lots of OT to get ready for the big spend.

<-- Vietnamese with Chinese GF.

Dude, pony up for the wedding your wife wants you cheap bastard. You're only going to do it once...hopefully.:roll:

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

FTW

 

[patentman]

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa

Originally posted by: patentman
I'm married, and I can tell you first hand spending 50k on a wedding is a HUGE waste of money. Especially because your wedding day is so hectic and filled with meeting/greating people you hardly know that by the end of it all, you hardly remember anything.

You have your head screwed on straight, your GF and mother in law do not.

But then again, if the GF's family is paying, go for it! Hell, free booze for everyone!

It is mostly her mom & my GF but my mom is in it as well, and the GF & I are footing the bills.

If you are paying, I suggest you trim your budget to something less ridiculous. 50k is a 10% downpayment on your house, something you live in every day. A wedding is a very special day, but it is over before you know it. You can have a very nice wedding for 10-15k these days. My sister in law just did last weekend.

 

[patentman]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa
I just got back from my mom house and I?m still shaken from the news.

My mom & GF cooked up the idea that I & the GF should be marry next summer and they are looking at 100 guests with a rough estimate of 40K-45K.

She wanted a real diamond ring (high quality), church wedding, fresh cut flowers, dance hall, and restaurant.

I want to have simple buffet, outdoor, cut flowers/dry flowers, cheap ring (up grade when we have more money).

I don't want to rush into debt because we recently purchase a 500K home, she will be back to school (nurse practitioner) during the time, and it is going to be hard because she wanted to have kids soon after wedding.

I'm thinking of growing my own flowers (early Aug wedding), however it is going to be hard to find the time to take care of the plants because I will be pulling lots of OT to get ready for the big spend.

<-- Vietnamese with Chinese GF.

Dude, pony up for the wedding your wife wants you cheap bastard. You're only going to do it once...hopefully.:roll:

F that. 50k on one day is freaking ridiculous, unless you are completely loaded of course. 80%+ of Americans don't make that much in a year, why should you spend it in just one day and be in debt for it for the next 10 years?

 

[compman25]

The wife and I are cheap. We did ours for under $1200. It was our day, not everyone elses and we weren't going into debt for other peoples pleasure.

 

[gsethi]

You need a new GF <period>. If you and your GF cannot manage your finances now, I wonder what will happen after marriage. It is about time you tell her whose the boss and tell her that you cannot afford everything she wants. There is a big difference between WANTS and NEEDS.

 

[erub]

wait, how are your mother and your mother-in-law making demands on the wedding price, and not footing the bill themselves? thats ridiculous. That would never happen in my family. I thought Asians were protective of their kids, not the type that would force them to take on a large debt

 

[TruePaige]

Originally posted by: compman25
The wife and I are cheap. We did ours for under $1200. It was our day, not everyone elses and we weren't going into debt for other peoples pleasure.

I'm with you Compman.

My fiance and I are going to get married a nice simply way, and have a reception with the family.

OP is getting railroaded into debt. I hope you never split with her or you'll be too deep to bail yourself out if you let her manage the finances like this.

I'm serious, stand up for yourself before you get married, or end up buried!

 

[Biggerhammer]

Man, if your mother wants a huge wedding tell her to get married! Or to pay for it.

I can't think of a worse way to start a marriage than to blow $50G on ONE DAY.

My wife and I spent just over a grand on the wedding. My mother made the dress for my wife, my brother-in-law provided the music, etc. Everyone got to kick in and help, everyone enjoyed supporting, we just celebrated ten years.

The important part is the marriage, not the wedding. Definitely talk this out soon and well.

 

[kranky]

Haven't you and your GF discussed wedding plans before? Did you know she was going to want an expensive wedding, or is this the first you've heard of it?

You'll have your GF's school bills on top of paying for an expensive home, and you are counting on overtime pay? That's not going to make much of a difference, and neither is growing your own flowers.

You said you don't want to rush into debt, so DON'T.

 

[Czar]

go cheap, go small, go personal

its your day

 

[theprodigalrebel]

Originally posted by: Czar
go cheap, go small, go personal

its your day

:thumbsup:

 

[se7en]

Flowers - Buy them from a garden shop or greenhouse and arrange them yourself. I saved a ton of money right there just take your time and do it right. Not hard at all.

Ceremony - Church is good they dont charge much and may have some various decorations or supplies you can use.

Reception - Find a good hotel, gathering place, something big so you can have it catered AND have dancing afterwards. One place - two functions.

Ring - Dont go cheap persay but dont go overboard. Get one she likes in style but diamond doesnt have to be super super clear or anything as you said upgrade later. As long as its flawless to the eye which is like averga quality all her friends will be impressed.

40k is stupid to spend on a wedding period. Save that money for school / kids other things your going to want.

I had 110 guests and spent like $7800. Parents on each side picked up a few things here and there but for that money you can get a nice wedding, excellent pics / videos and a wonderful reception.

Photographer was one of the more expensive things but I got a great deal after asking some people on atot and she did some beautiful work.

 

[theknight571]

Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel

Originally posted by: Czar
go cheap, go small, go personal

its your day

:thumbsup:

Agreed.

We spent maybe 1000-1500 on our wedding. (Not including the rings)

Was small and personal.

We've talked about it since then, and the only thing we would do differently is the honeymoon. (It would be longer and in a more exotic local )

 

[Lola]

I agree with JulesMaximus to a point... if you love her talk to her about it... BUT come ON MAN... Grow a pair.

It is YOUR wedding too. Talk about compromise. Keep in mind, if she is this demanding now, she will only get worse.

 

[SlowSpyder]

Stand your ground. My wife and I wanted a small wedding, her parents wanted a huge princess wedding. We stepped on a few toes but got what we wanted, and are so happy we did.

 

[silverpig]

For rings (engagement and wedding), suits, and honeymoon I'll be out about $2-2.5k. The wife will be out about the same. The rest is up to the parents, so it doesn't matter to me.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa
I just got back from my mom house and I?m still shaken from the news.

My mom & GF cooked up the idea that I & the GF should be marry next summer and they are looking at 100 guests with a rough estimate of 40K-45K.

She wanted a real diamond ring (high quality), church wedding, fresh cut flowers, dance hall, and restaurant.

I want to have simple buffet, outdoor, cut flowers/dry flowers, cheap ring (up grade when we have more money).

I don't want to rush into debt because we recently purchase a 500K home, she will be back to school (nurse practitioner) during the time, and it is going to be hard because she wanted to have kids soon after wedding.

I'm thinking of growing my own flowers (early Aug wedding), however it is going to be hard to find the time to take care of the plants because I will be pulling lots of OT to get ready for the big spend.

<-- Vietnamese with Chinese GF.

Perhaps you should re-evaluate your position in the relationship. It looks like your GF and family are well on the path to making you miserable and controlling everything you do. Unless you grow a pair and take a stand now your life will be reduced to "whatever you say, honey" and "yes ma'am" very very soon. Blowing 50k on a party is utterly stupid IMO.

 

[George P Burdell]

Originally posted by: Biggerhammer
The important part is the marriage, not the wedding. Definitely talk this out soon and well.

Agreed. Spend less on the wedding and more on the marriage.

Also, while weddings involve a large degree of compromise, you need to know where to draw the line. You're screwed if you start giving into every Tom, Dick and Harry that's related to you or the gf.

 

[potoba]

hmm, people are still willing to spend 40-50K on weddings? I would have a simple one and invest that amount in sth else.

 

[AlgaeEater]

Originally posted by: compman25
The wife and I are cheap. We did ours for under $1200. It was our day, not everyone elses and we weren't going into debt for other peoples pleasure.

Best attitude ever. Me and my fiance think the same exact thing, hell we even were considering the idea of just getting married with my parents and her parents present and that's it. We have our whole lives to do crazy things and influence and inspire the people around us; we don't need to do it with a tacky wedding service.