At what point do you kick your kid out?

[Stuxnet]

Boy does this hit a nerve...

My brother in-law (we'll call him 'Bil') is 23 and lives at home. He's a fairly big screw up in that he's been arrested, wrecked a number of cars, blah blah blah. But my father in-law (we'll call him 'Fil') doesn't have the stones to do anything about. He talks all big and bad about he's going to do this and that, but nothing ever happens.

I've already made it clear to my wife that once our kids turn 18, they're either working and in school, or they're working and on their own. I don't accept rent.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Horus

Originally posted by: nutxo

Originally posted by: KLin
Depends on what kind of "pushing" he's doing.

Bringing druggies to the house

Refusing to look for work

Will not even follow the most basic household rules

Lies

Goes directly against what a parent says

Yeah, it's called being a teenager. A real parent always lets a child come home. Only the weak ones kick them out.

I crashed my dad's fvcking car with my learner's permit, caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to both cars...all he did was look at me, and say "I'm dissapointed", and it made my mom cry. Worst punishment I've ever recieved.

so bringing a drugs into the house and refusing to get a job is just being a teenager? WTF are you retarded?

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

Sink or swim. The kid is 19, not a breastfeeding infant. You are not required to 'parent' him anymore, he's an adult. If he won't follow simple rules and be respectful of your home, he doesn't have to live there.

 

[Molondo]

Originally posted by: Horus

Originally posted by: nutxo

Originally posted by: KLin
Depends on what kind of "pushing" he's doing.

Bringing druggies to the house

Refusing to look for work

Will not even follow the most basic household rules

Lies

Goes directly against what a parent says

Yeah, it's called being a teenager. A real parent always lets a child come home. Only the weak ones kick them out.

I crashed my dad's fvcking car with my learner's permit, caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to both cars...all he did was look at me, and say "I'm dissapointed", and it made my mom cry. Worst punishment I've ever recieved.

Thats weak, i would have had a nice whoop ass given to me.

 

[Miramonti]

Originally posted by: Horus

Originally posted by: nutxo

Originally posted by: KLin
Depends on what kind of "pushing" he's doing.

Bringing druggies to the house

Refusing to look for work

Will not even follow the most basic household rules

Lies

Goes directly against what a parent says

Yeah, it's called being a teenager. A real parent always lets a child come home. Only the weak ones kick them out.

I crashed my dad's fvcking car with my learner's permit, caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to both cars...all he did was look at me, and say "I'm dissapointed", and it made my mom cry. Worst punishment I've ever recieved.

The one who ignorantly judges is the weak one. You know your situation but don't have a clue what's good for all kids and what's best for all parents to always do.

And it sounds like you could have used a good @sskicking more than once to knock that arrogance out of you from the getgo.

 

[lyssword]

I'm 20, I pay rent but my mom still b$tching about me not having 24/7 job or something like that..

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

Sink or swim. The kid is 19, not a breastfeeding infant. You are not required to 'parent' him anymore, he's an adult. If he won't follow simple rules and be respectful of your home, he doesn't have to live there.

I've always criticized parents who kick their kids out at 18... just because they can. But when a kid is doing jacksh!t leeching at home 24/7, then they deserve to get kicked. If, and only if, he's doing jacksh!t. The kid has to realize he's got to make his own future. It's also the parents' fault for not making him realize it earlier on.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

Sink or swim. The kid is 19, not a breastfeeding infant. You are not required to 'parent' him anymore, he's an adult. If he won't follow simple rules and be respectful of your home, he doesn't have to live there.

I've always criticized parents who kick their kids out at 18... just because they can. But when a kid is doing jacksh!t leeching at home 24/7, then they deserve to get kicked. If, and only if, he's doing jacksh!t. The kid has to realize he's got to make his own future. It's also the parents' fault for not making him realize it earlier on.

yeap. i feel if my kids are going to college i do not mind them not paying for food, rent or utilites.

if they are working and paying me rent that is something we will discuss if when it happens.

but they will not leech of me after 18. if they refuse to go to school or work full time i will refuse them the right to live off me anymore.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

Sink or swim. The kid is 19, not a breastfeeding infant. You are not required to 'parent' him anymore, he's an adult. If he won't follow simple rules and be respectful of your home, he doesn't have to live there.

I've always criticized parents who kick their kids out at 18... just because they can. But when a kid is doing jacksh!t leeching at home 24/7, then they deserve to get kicked. If, and only if, he's doing jacksh!t. The kid has to realize he's got to make his own future. It's also the parents' fault for not making him realize it earlier on.

I don't agree with people who bash others for living at home after 18, but the parents no longer have to put up with ridiculous sh1t from them after high school's over. At that point, it's expected that they will act mature and follow basic household rules in exchange for living under their parents' roof. It's up to the parents to consistently enforce the basic rules so you don't end up with immature 50 year olds who walk all over you and still live at home.

 

[confused1234]

ROFL you should of read my thread about my sister

 

[DeadByDawn]

I'd trick him into moving out. First I'd tell him I'd pay for everything + college if he moves out and enrolls. Then I wouldn't pay him crap and let him join the real world.

 

[confused1234]

if your anything like my parents you woulnd care if your son/daughter got a murderer for a bf who is being hunted by the fbi. while steatling 10s of thousands of dollars from our home, while breaking into our house, and while getting bricks thrown threw your window. and shes also a high school dropout who is 20 now i think and doesnt have a license and pees on the toilet who ALWAYS yells at my parents and yet they pretentd like it doesnt happen also if she makes a mess she doesnt clean it up

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: DeadByDawn
I'd trick him into moving out. First I'd tell him I'd pay for everything + college if he moves out and enrolls. Then I wouldn't pay him crap and let him join the real world.

hahah

 

[Golgatha]

When they're no longer in school or are leeching off of you.

 

[Lithium381]

My brother and I still live at home. 22 yrs old. We both have jobs and pay (discounted) rent to our mom. We're both also set to graduate soon. No trouble with the law, and we try and respect our mother......she lets us stay.

 

[Golgatha]

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

I love my son, but if he wasn't in school and was leeching at 19 years old, I would certainly get him an apartment with 3months rent paid in full and tell him to move there and find a JOB because in 3months he will be homeless.

FWIW, I also intend to let my kids accrue student loans while they are in college. I'll be happy to help them pay them off once they're done. It was a strong motivator for me to have some debt hanging over my head in college.

 

[Squisher]

If you decide to go the kicking out route a good wake up call can be had by going down the local court house and filing eviction papers. They'll give you a copy to be posted. Tape it to his door. It'll say he's got 30 days.

You don't really need to do this because he's not paying rent, but it should get his attention.

 

[nutxo]

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

Maybe. I have other kids to raise. I don't feel like the time and effort I spend on this kid is doing anything at all and takes away from the enjoyment I have raising my other children.

 

[nutxo]

Originally posted by: Golgatha

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

I love my son, but if he wasn't in school and was leeching at 19 years old, I would certainly get him an apartment with 3months rent paid in full and tell him to move there and find a JOB because in 3months he will be homeless.

FWIW, I also intend to let my kids accrue student loans while they are in college. I'll be happy to help them pay them off once they're done. It was a strong motivator for me to have some debt hanging over my head in college.

I wish this were possible but it isnt. Ive been injured and had surgery . We've depleted our savings.

As for college. Theres no hope. The kid went form being on honor roll to hanging out with losers and failing twice. Then failed summer school as well. Half a credit shy of a diploma.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: nutxo

Originally posted by: Golgatha

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

I love my son, but if he wasn't in school and was leeching at 19 years old, I would certainly get him an apartment with 3months rent paid in full and tell him to move there and find a JOB because in 3months he will be homeless.

FWIW, I also intend to let my kids accrue student loans while they are in college. I'll be happy to help them pay them off once they're done. It was a strong motivator for me to have some debt hanging over my head in college.

I wish this were possible but it isnt. Ive been injured and had surgery . We've depleted our savings.

As for college. Theres no hope. The kid went form being on honor roll to hanging out with losers and failing twice. Then failed summer school as well. Half a credit shy of a diploma.

The sooner you do something, the better. Do whatever you feel is right as soon as possible, no reason to wait around and just let him get deeper into a life none of you can enjoy. Tell him to figure out what he wants to do with his life otherwise unless he pays rent or something, he needs to go and do whatever he wants. It's his life and would be a mistake to not take action letting him do whatever he pleases.

 

[Molondo]

I love my son, but if he wasn't in school and was leeching at 19 years old, I would certainly get him an apartment with 3months rent paid in full and tell him to move there and find a JOB because in 3months he will be homeless.

There is a difference between incentive/help and just pure "get the fvck out" additude.

What you done, i would accept that as right way to go about it.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: nutxo
I wish this were possible but it isnt. Ive been injured and had surgery . We've depleted our savings.

As for college. Theres no hope. The kid went form being on honor roll to hanging out with losers and failing twice. Then failed summer school as well. Half a credit shy of a diploma.

Find out how long it takes to get her GED, give her that much time, and if she doesn't get it (and a job), she's out of the house for good.

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: nutxo

Originally posted by: KLin
Depends on what kind of "pushing" he's doing.

Bringing druggies to the house

Refusing to look for work

Will not even follow the most basic household rules

Lies

Goes directly against what a parent says

lol.. how about.. duh -> kick him out IMMEDIATELY!

Obviousman to the scene

 

[Buck Armstrong]

Originally posted by: Molondo
So lets see. You kick the kid out, now what. What have you accomplished? Are you a better parent now?

In some situations, yes you are. Many "kids" these days simply will not grow up until they are forced to. By coddling them, you are delaying their entry into the real world, in which it is your job as a parent to prepare them to live.

I have an old friend who is 34 years old, still lives with his parents, and only works in short spurts. Why? Because he's a pothead and his mommy still cooks him dinner and provides him with Coke and twinkies. He even pilfers her cigarettes so he doesn't have to pay for his own. Clearly, he will NEVER become a man until his parents tell him to get the fvck out and fend for himself. And while that lifestyle seems like the easy road, the truth is it ruins your self-esteem, ensures that you have no chance of getting laid, and causes depression. And the longer it goes on, the more worthless you feel, until finally you really ARE worthless, like my friend.

God forbid his parents ever die; he'll be the only 35-year-old in the local nursing home.

 

[nutxo]

Originally posted by: JEDI

Originally posted by: nutxo

Originally posted by: KLin
Depends on what kind of "pushing" he's doing.

Bringing druggies to the house

Refusing to look for work

Will not even follow the most basic household rules

Lies

Goes directly against what a parent says

lol.. how about.. duh -> kick him out IMMEDIATELY!

Obviousman to the scene

We say this and it's really easy to think that's how it'll be when it gets really bad. Then we find that we love a child so much that even doing what's best for the whole family becomes difficult.