- Jun 8, 2012
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I don't know if this should go in L&R or here... it's more of a mental thing.
I'm 27, going to be 28 soon. I've honestly probably been depressed since I was 16. Most of it stems from inside my head. I'm self conscious (have a lot of keloids on my back), struggle with low self esteem etc.... When I was younger I'd get made fun of and stuff, pretty sure that had an impact.
My grandmother on my Mom's side committed suicide due to depression. My Mom is depressed (goes to a doctor and takes meds) and one time my Dad told me when he was drunk that he hated his life and wanted to die which scared me... so I don't want to be the guy to say it's genetic but it might have something to do with it?
I get hung up on women most of the time, I'll get a number, think something will happen and nothing and get disappointed.
What I have done so far to help myself?
Issues I still have
What should I do? I'm functionally depressed I think, I work a good job although it's very isolated as a system admin... I play basketball now.. should I admit myself to the hospital? I don't want to be stuck there for days though because work is probably my big savior right now. I've only had a couple bad episodes where I felt like actually killing myself instead of the voice in my said saying I should kill myself.. It gets scary because the thought comes out automatically. I notice the cold weather has a big affect on me too, we had a couple nice days and I felt really optimistic and happy, then the cold came back and I'm miserable.
I've read that HCFS can cause depression so I'm going to try to take that out of the picture but I need caffeine and I don't like coffee.
Anyone in the same boat? What has helped?
I'm 27, going to be 28 soon. I've honestly probably been depressed since I was 16. Most of it stems from inside my head. I'm self conscious (have a lot of keloids on my back), struggle with low self esteem etc.... When I was younger I'd get made fun of and stuff, pretty sure that had an impact.
My grandmother on my Mom's side committed suicide due to depression. My Mom is depressed (goes to a doctor and takes meds) and one time my Dad told me when he was drunk that he hated his life and wanted to die which scared me... so I don't want to be the guy to say it's genetic but it might have something to do with it?
I get hung up on women most of the time, I'll get a number, think something will happen and nothing and get disappointed.
What I have done so far to help myself?
- Moved to the city last year and am way more social
- I've lost about 30 pounds by walking so now I'm at 150 pounds at 6 feet tall, most of it was stomach fat that I lost
- Go to the gym regularly and I'm building muscle
- Been trying to be more active with women by talking
Issues I still have
- Suicidal thoughts (comes in automatically)
- I don't feel happy often, sometimes I do, then crash into a sad state when I'm alone and the problem is I like being alone
- I get bad anxiety with new women and I've had about 4 one night stands within 2 months but I couldn't get it up.. every single time I was extremely drunk, tired (5:00 AM when it would happen) I've stopped trying to do it and am trying to get numbers and dates but it hasn't been working out...
What should I do? I'm functionally depressed I think, I work a good job although it's very isolated as a system admin... I play basketball now.. should I admit myself to the hospital? I don't want to be stuck there for days though because work is probably my big savior right now. I've only had a couple bad episodes where I felt like actually killing myself instead of the voice in my said saying I should kill myself.. It gets scary because the thought comes out automatically. I notice the cold weather has a big affect on me too, we had a couple nice days and I felt really optimistic and happy, then the cold came back and I'm miserable.
I've read that HCFS can cause depression so I'm going to try to take that out of the picture but I need caffeine and I don't like coffee.
Anyone in the same boat? What has helped?
