At what point do you admit defeat and try to get help for mental health?

debian0001

Senior member
Jun 8, 2012
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I don't know if this should go in L&R or here... it's more of a mental thing.

I'm 27, going to be 28 soon. I've honestly probably been depressed since I was 16. Most of it stems from inside my head. I'm self conscious (have a lot of keloids on my back), struggle with low self esteem etc.... When I was younger I'd get made fun of and stuff, pretty sure that had an impact.

My grandmother on my Mom's side committed suicide due to depression. My Mom is depressed (goes to a doctor and takes meds) and one time my Dad told me when he was drunk that he hated his life and wanted to die which scared me... so I don't want to be the guy to say it's genetic but it might have something to do with it?

I get hung up on women most of the time, I'll get a number, think something will happen and nothing and get disappointed.

What I have done so far to help myself?

  • Moved to the city last year and am way more social
  • I've lost about 30 pounds by walking so now I'm at 150 pounds at 6 feet tall, most of it was stomach fat that I lost
  • Go to the gym regularly and I'm building muscle
  • Been trying to be more active with women by talking

Issues I still have
  • Suicidal thoughts (comes in automatically)
  • I don't feel happy often, sometimes I do, then crash into a sad state when I'm alone and the problem is I like being alone
  • I get bad anxiety with new women and I've had about 4 one night stands within 2 months but I couldn't get it up.. every single time I was extremely drunk, tired (5:00 AM when it would happen) I've stopped trying to do it and am trying to get numbers and dates but it hasn't been working out...

What should I do? I'm functionally depressed I think, I work a good job although it's very isolated as a system admin... I play basketball now.. should I admit myself to the hospital? I don't want to be stuck there for days though because work is probably my big savior right now. I've only had a couple bad episodes where I felt like actually killing myself instead of the voice in my said saying I should kill myself.. It gets scary because the thought comes out automatically. I notice the cold weather has a big affect on me too, we had a couple nice days and I felt really optimistic and happy, then the cold came back and I'm miserable.

I've read that HCFS can cause depression so I'm going to try to take that out of the picture but I need caffeine and I don't like coffee.

Anyone in the same boat? What has helped?
 

jaqie

Platinum Member
Apr 6, 2008
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You need to seek a therapist, it sounds very, very much like you have an inborn chemical imbalance in the brain type of depression. Those cannot be fixed by anything, but they can be managed with the right antidepressant.

Due to my ptsd suicidality problems (thread here in this forum about it) I have been in and out of mental wards, and during that time I learned a whole hell of a lot about how things work, what works for people, what means what, and such. It was quite an education. And no, you don't want to be hospitalized unless things are so bad you aren't sure you can keep yourself from attempting suicide. They offer nothing but a closely guarded way to get away from it all especially social stresses, and that sounds like nothing even remotely close to what you need.
 

debian0001

Senior member
Jun 8, 2012
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Thanks, I found a place close by and I'm going to call them tomorrow. May I ask what you are on, did you have to try a lot of meds to find the right one? What kind of things did they have you do to improve yourself?
 

RocksteadyDotNet

Diamond Member
Jul 29, 2008
3,152
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It's time to man the fuck up and get over it.

Do that before doing anything else.

Maybe you could get diagnosed with a fake disease like ADD?

Go away. This isn't Off Topic. Keep that kind of comment in there.
admin allisolm
 
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2timer

Golden Member
Apr 20, 2012
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It's time to man the fuck up and get over it.

Do that before doing anything else.

Yeah, we're not referring to the pep talk you give yourself after being dumped by your boyfriend.

OP, I would seek professional help. It sounds like you might be resistant to seeking help, understandably, but remember sometimes we could all benefit from a wise, outside perspective. And that's all counseling is, really. Going to a counselor is *not* an admission that you are a nutcase. It's just an opportunity to bounce your thoughts off someone and get feedback. I think you could benefit from that opportunity.

There is no `'defeat'' here, you are being mature and responsibly taking steps to work on your self. We all have things we can improve in ourselves, no shame in that. :)
 
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LagunaX

Senior member
Jan 7, 2010
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Get help - life is too short and it is good.

Stop wallowing in self pity and depression - think of all those Boston ppl without legs or even life - you've got all 4 limbs and a decent enuf brain.
 

jaqie

Platinum Member
Apr 6, 2008
2,471
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Thanks, I found a place close by and I'm going to call them tomorrow. May I ask what you are on, did you have to try a lot of meds to find the right one? What kind of things did they have you do to improve yourself?
Cymbalta, Celexa, Estradiol, Androcur.

The latter two are for being born intersexed, so I get a normal female level of hormones, the first two are for my PTSD, depression, actual ADHD (Im one that actually has it), and a few other assorted problems.

Don't think for a second that the meds I am on should be what you try - medications effect each single person in a very different way, and even within the same family with the same sort of natural chemical imbalance different meds are often necessary for proper treatment and effect. It is often a process of much trial and error, be patient and keep up with them when trying to find one that works for you. It took many years to find the combination that works right for me, but that's because my problems are very complex... it normally takes a few months of trial and error, but the end result is very very worth it.
 

tcG

Golden Member
Jul 31, 2006
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IMO, depression can ALWAYS be treated psychologically. The problem is fundamentally psychological, not physical.
 

jaqie

Platinum Member
Apr 6, 2008
2,471
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The beautiful thing about facts: They are not democratic. Say you put a rabbit into a hutch in front of a crowd of people, and a whole bunch of people take votes on what sex the rabbit is. Nomatter the results of the opinions of the group of people or each individual person, the sex of the rabbit will not change, and was always the same.

Physiological depression and imbalance is a proven fact, no matter how many people vote that it does not exist.
 

colonelciller

Senior member
Sep 29, 2012
915
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IMO, depression can ALWAYS be treated psychologically. The problem is fundamentally psychological, not physical.

this is just ignorant. the brain is a physical organ. there are things called neurotransmitters, perhaps you haven't heard of them. these are molecules regulated by gene expression. gene expression is regulated in many ways. if the promoter or enhancer or repressor region for a gene is somehow disfunctional (let's say a point mutation) then the expression of that gene may NEVER function properly. if that gene is anyhow related to the production or regulation of any number of cellular receptors or other intermediary regulators of neurotransmitter expression then thatparticular neurotransmitter may NEVER Be expressed properly, no matter how much wishful thinking And psychological therapy you wouldlike to throw at it.

this is justone why we have drugs to regulate neurotransmitters.

scientific illiteracy is a major problem in our modern world... bad advice based on that illiteracy is just one reason why we need more science education
 

_Rick_

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2012
3,941
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Dunno, OP sounds to me like a completely average person. Yes, maybe with some anxiety, but from the description, there's nothing that I would term overly problematic.

Requesting admission to a hospital sounds way out there.
If you really feel that your anxiety is an absolute game-breaker (which it doesn't appear to be, from what you've said so far), sure go ahead and visit a psychologist first, to get a more detailed appraisal of your situation. Maybe they can give you further advice on how to proceed, without resorting to drugging yourself.

They may directly refer you to a psychiatrist in order to evaluate different options of medication. Sometimes a simple sleep study or experimental diets can help. Without a complete physical checkup it's pointless to further speculate. This is also something that your psychologist or psychiatrist should task you with.

Depression, like many thing loses its edge though. When you're in puberty, and it hits you the first time, it seems very much more real and intense, than when you've realized that you just get caught in the same cycle again and again. While this knowledge doesn't change how you feel, it can help you rationalize those feelings into irrelevance.

It seems to me that you are putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure. Try to reduce those strains and focus on a more relaxed approach to life. Especially your focus on dating comes over as though you consider it a desperate situation. Ease up, there's no need to rush. Don't attempt one night stands, if you can't enjoy them. Not getting it up with a stranger, while drunk at 5 a.m. doesn't sound like much of a surprise to me. Make sure you know why you are looking for ladies, and whether those reasons stand up muster. Being lonely and seeking companionship is not a good reason. Using sex and relationship as a means of self-validation isn't a good reason either. Be sure to find positive reasons, such as "I enjoy being with a certain kind of person" - If you cannot focus on a positive reason why you do something, that you're supposed to enjoy, then you will not truly enjoy it. And thus you shouldn't do it, if you complain of lack of enjoyment.

If you're truly worried about your mental state, set up a date with a local psychologist, and talk your situation over with someone experienced in diagnosing people, and knowledgeable in methods of positive reinforcement, etc. They should be better able to help you figure out what's wrong, and develop a multi-pronged plan to resolve your issues. Going for medication right away is not a good idea, as the side effects can seriously impact your quality of life, and may ultimately just shift the problem from an unknown one to a known one.
 

colonelciller

Senior member
Sep 29, 2012
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OP, go to your doctor. This is always step #1.

There is no reason to feel bad about it nor to feel defeated.
our bodies are complicated and fragile and not perfect.


good luck,
 

interchange

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
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What kind of inner stupidity and utter lack of compassion do you have to have to berate someone seeking help when they are telling you they have suicidal thoughts and a family history of suicide? If your mother died of cancer and you were posting on AT that you were afraid to see a doctor even though you were coughing up blood... how the hell would you feel if I told you to "man up"?

OP you are not alone. There are millions of people in your shoes. It's an iceberg phenomenon. There is help.

That being said, I am headed in to work. OP I will PM you when I get home tonight with some info / resources.

Cheers,
M.D. and Actual Mental Health Provider
 

jaqie

Platinum Member
Apr 6, 2008
2,471
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What kind of inner stupidity and utter lack of compassion do you have to have to berate someone seeking help when they are telling you they have suicidal thoughts and a family history of suicide?
The kind like my father, trash of the earth. there are a surprising amount of those out there, including my last few general practitioners and even one therapist who had ZERO schooling in nutrition but insisted that me eating rice was causing my entire problem.

There are a lot of assholes and nuts out there. You should know that, being an M.D., even some of your colleagues by now should have proven they are everywhere.
 

NAC

Golden Member
Dec 30, 2000
1,105
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OP,

Lots of normal people go to therapy. Lots. And lots of normal people take drugs for chemical imbalances. It sounds like you are really overdue to go to one.

I went for two periods of my life: junior year of college, and again in my 30s. I can't describe how calming it was to go to sessions – it was just a huge relief. I wouldn't give it up for a million dollars. In my case, I never took drugs for depression, but I recognize that they are essential in some cases.

Based on what you've done recently to help yourself – you are being pro-active, and are ready to take the next step. See a therapist or physiologist with an open mind and go from there. I'll bet that you'll find it wonderful, with the only downside being – why didn't I do this earlier!

As to being institutionalized, I can't imagine why that would be the case for you. You are fully functioning, just most likely depressed.
 

Mixolydian

Lifer
Nov 7, 2011
14,566
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At the very least you should consider seeing a therapist. Sometimes just having someone else to talk to and getting non-biased feedback of your situation can help a great deal.

Hope things get better for you soon!
 

McWatt

Senior member
Feb 25, 2010
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I normally don't like to just echo the comments of others, but I'm making an exception to agree that there's no defeat involved in seeking psychiatric help. If anything you (and anyone who cares about you) should be proud that you're taking action to help yourself get healthy.
 

Sid59

Lifer
Sep 2, 2002
11,879
3
81
Thanks everyone. I found a place nearby that I will call tomorrow.

nice! Just showing support .. mental health doesn't get a lot of attention and people generally look down on mental health for men with "man up" comments.
 

tcG

Golden Member
Jul 31, 2006
1,202
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Physiological depression and imbalance is a proven fact, no matter how many people vote that it does not exist.

Where did I say otherwise?

I just said that I think there is always a psychological treatment for any given form of psychosis, even if that treatment is extremely difficult/not apparent/not commonly acknowledged/requires a nearly Herculean existential effort on the part of the sufferer. This viewpoint is informed by my philosophical opinions about the relationship between mind and body.

It is up for debate as to whether the brain state causes the mental condition or whether the mental condition causes the brain state. I tend to think the latter. As such, treating the brain state is treating the symptom, not the cause, and results in unsatisfactory outcomes. Psychiatric drugs are beneficial according to specific, biased metrics. They might be able to help somebody who is in a deep depression be able to resume normal daily activities, no longer be suicidal, and increase sex drive, for example. What they don't do, and what only a psychological treatment can do, is help a person self-actualize and confront their demons directly.
 

_Rick_

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2012
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What they don't do, and what only a psychological treatment can do, is help a person self-actualize and confront their demons directly.

This appears to be a very close-minded view.
How do you know, that it's not the medication that allows someone's brain to break free from chemical imbalance, and only then get sufficient consciousness, unclouded by non-deliberate emotional responses, to actually realize what has been happening.

You assume that everyone's mind is perfect, and we are only products of our environment. While that is a popular assumption, I see no proof of it holding in real life. The ability to rationalize to the degree you expect people to be able to, is in itself often associated with mental issues.

TLDR: Self-actualization requires sufficient capacity for rational thought. Many psychoses put the victim into a state of mental handicap.
 

tcG

Golden Member
Jul 31, 2006
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That's a good point. We CAN imagine cases in which pharmacological treatment (including naturally occurring psychotropics, particularly of the entheogen class, some of which have been shown to have therapeutic benefit) would be necessary.

I'm not advocating a black-and-white, 'drugs are bad, therapy is good' approach to psychiatry. What I object to is the standard practice of prescribing powerful psychoactive pharmaceutical drugs for all different kinds of psychoses and individual presentations, without first trying psychological treatment and without being made aware of drugs' limitations/dangers. Your counterexample where somebody may actually need a medication as a sort of first step illustrates my viewpoint well, which is that ultimately, treatment of psychological disorders should adopt a holistic approach that considers a) the whole person (mind and body) and b) the individual situation. Everybody's solution is different - it's the nature of a psychological problem. Too often people are given cookie cutter treatment that only considers the imbalance in the brain.

EDIT: And I still think that all psychological disorders are fundamentally psychological in nature, though some fundamentally psychological disorders may require physiological treatment. That's because I accept the arguments for some form of metaphysical idealism.
 
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