At age 35ish, which is the bigger "red flag"?

[randomrogue]

35 year old single person is in many cases someone who was in a relationship (or more) and realized it wasn't working out. So rather than be in a bad relationship they moved on and are trying to find someone better.

Alternatively they were the problem and someone left them.

The real test for a single person in their mid 30's is to find the first group of people and make a lasting relationship and not fall victim to someone elses crazy ex.

Besides all that, look up divorce rates. They break them down by age group. The lowest divorce rates (5-6% depending on M/F) is for the 35-39 year olds. Of course there is another statistic worth looking at and that is the rate of divorce for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd marriages. That one is quite disturbing since it's 40%, 60%, and 75%. Marriage is highly over rated. You have a better chance at happiness by not getting married since overall divorce rates are greater than 50%.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I would definitely NOT say this. Almost all of my girl friends are datable. Most of the guys I know are not datable. Like I just look at them and shake my head.

A slightly below average girl or above can easily find a guy. If she can't, she has problems. As someone said earlier, if you have a vagina and can't find someone by 35, you have definite issues.

 

[JulesMaximus]

I don't think either is a red flag, but I didn't get married until I was 38 so what do I know? Though I will say, it is easier for a woman to find a man than vice versa so maybe I would wonder more about the single 35 year-old woman.

I'd bet you a million dollars that most women would disagree with you on that.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I'd bet you a million dollars that most women would disagree with you on that.

I wouldn't take that bet because obviously women are going to say that. They're wrong. Most women will whine about not finding "decent" guys but in fact, the reality is that many women seem to think they deserve male models and won't give actual decent guys a chance.

My wife's friend is like that -- allegedly very picky, but she ends up hooking up with rednecks 10 years younger than her, whiny emo asswipes, and cheating douches. If you hook her up with an average looking guy who has a good job, is nice, and is smart, she'll claim "there is no spark" after a single date and then whine that there are no good guys. No, there are good, decent guys, but women are too vain to see it most of the time.

 

[MotionMan]

I'd bet you a million dollars that most women would disagree with you on that.

You are comparing apples and oranges. A woman can more easily find a man to marry her than the reverse. I firmly believe that.

However, if you add in the factor of loving the other person or the person being "the One", then the situation is more difficult and I would say it is probably equally hard for a man and a woman to find the right person to marry.

MotionMan

 

[ShawnD1]

A slightly below average girl or above can easily find a guy. If she can't, she has problems. As someone said earlier, if you have a vagina and can't find someone by 35, you have definite issues.

You can find a guy but 9/10 of them are retarded in some way.

Most of the women I know are pretty good people but about 9/10 of them have really shitty jobs that would never be able to pay a mortgage. I could settle for that. I don't understand how a woman could settle for a retard though.

 

[TakeNoPrisoners]

Wow, look at all the pedjudice against single people going on in this thread.

 

[vbuggy]

A single man in that age groupe is either gay, a serial killer, lives in the basement with his parents, or all three. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I'm an ex-killer (work) but never serial, I own a house, so...

... holy crap, I'm gay?!?!?

 

[IndyColtsFan]

You can find a guy but 9/10 of them are retarded in some way.

Says who? You can't say that with any certainty.

The problem is that women generally think they deserve a male model and when reality sinks in and they have to settle for someone more average, they start screaming "Where are all the decent guys?!?!?!"

Most of the women I know are pretty good people but about 9/10 of them have really shitty jobs that would never be able to pay a mortgage. I could settle for that. I don't understand how a woman could settle for a retard though.

See my stories above about my wife's friend.

 

[JulesMaximus]

I wouldn't take that bet because obviously women are going to say that. They're wrong. Most women will whine about not finding "decent" guys but in fact, the reality is that many women seem to think they deserve male models and won't give actual decent guys a chance.

My wife's friend is like that -- allegedly very picky, but she ends up hooking up with rednecks 10 years younger than her, whiny emo asswipes, and cheating douches. If you hook her up with an average looking guy who has a good job, is nice, and is smart, she'll claim "there is no spark" after a single date and then whine that there are no good guys. No, there are good, decent guys, but women are too vain to see it most of the time.

I guess I just hang around with a better class of women than you guys do.

My wife and I have a couple friends with kids in their 20s. We went out to dinner with their daughter-in-law last Saturday night. She has a 2 year old daughter with their son who is a complete fuckwit. He's immature, all tatted up, loser job, and he cheated on his wife so they are split up. She's a beautiful girl too, blond, slender, very nice girl. Their son is an idiot.

My sister has two kids in their late teens, son is a fuckup, daughter is going off to college.

By the way, I voted that the 35 Y/O single guy is more of a red flag.

I'm not at all surprised by the responses here though. ATOT hates women. This is a well known fact.

 

[vi edit]

The problem is that women generally think they deserve a male model and when reality sinks in and they have to settle for someone more average, they start screaming "Where are all the decent guys?!?!?!"

I don't agree. I think men are far more judgemental about looks than many can afford to be. Women are much more forgiving so long as you bring in a paycheck, clean up after yourself and comitted to a family.

 

[olds]

Neither

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I guess I just hang around with a better class of women than you guys do.

My wife and I have a couple friends with kids in their 20s. We went out to dinner with their daughter-in-law last Saturday night. She has a 2 year old daughter with their son who is a complete fuckwit. He's immature, all tatted up, loser job, and he cheated on his wife so they are split up. She's a beautiful girl too, blond, slender, very nice girl. Their son is an idiot.

My sister has two kids in their late teens, son is a fuckup, daughter is going off to college.

By the way, I voted that the 35 Y/O single guy is more of a red flag.

I'm not at all surprised by the responses here though. ATOT hates women. This is a well known fact.

Ok, so the women you posted above picked losers. This doesn't contradict anything anyone here has said to my knowledge and in fact, actually reinforces the notion that women generally pick "bad boys" who end up being losers instead of the more average but decent guys. I'd be willing to be these women had other, "less exciting" options.

 

[rcpratt]

This poll is rather useless due to the overwhelming male demographic here. I don't really think either is necessarily a red flag, although I would lean towards women if forced to pick.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I don't agree. I think men are far more judgemental about looks than many can afford to be. Women are much more forgiving so long as you bring in a paycheck, clean up after yourself and comitted to a family.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I think most men are going to basically hook up with any female who isn't incredibly repugnant as long as it results in them getting laid and the women are the ones who get the final say in the matter.

 

[purbeast0]

as having friends that fit both of these ages, i'm going to go with the 35+ year old man.

in my experience, the 35 year old single men are not single by choice, they are single because they can't find someone. at least 2 of them do have issues with women in general and are more socially awkward and just don't really know how to get a girl.

the 35 year old single women are single by choice and still are out partying and what not. it isn't that they can't find a guy, it is that they just don't want to. hell one of them has been proposed to twice.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Women's abillity to reproduce shuts down

Men don't have to "settle down" nearly as young as women. They could be in their 80s and still banging away.

Therefore, I would say single woman is bigger red flag.

 

[PingSpike]

It isn't clear what "single" means here. Divorced? Never married? Never had a LTR? Never dated?

It doesn't surprise me that mostly women called in and they said men. But they're just plain wrong. And the question was "red flag" not who has a harder time. Red flag is hands down woman.

At 35 a woman is past prime child bearing years but still has a chance if she acts quickly. I wish things didn't work this way but let's face it, it is true. If a woman desires a family she is most likely desperate at this point and even otherwise logical people may try to force the issue by doing something less than decent. If a 35 year old man is desperate for a family time is not as pressing a concern because its not his age that is a major factor, it is his partner's. And since it isn't really possible for a man to get a woman pregnant without her knowledge or control the pregnancy this isn't a trick a man could pull.

 

[vi edit]

We'll have to agree to disagree. I think most men are going to basically hook up with any female who isn't incredibly repugnant as long as it results in them getting laid and the women are the ones who get the final say in the matter.

This isn't about a one time stand. A lot of guys will go dumpster diving for a nite and actually brag about it as a joke.

It's about doing it long term and maintaining a relationship. Two very different things.

 

[ShawnD1]

Says who? You can't say that with any certainty.

Says me. Maybe guys improve a little as they get older but at my age most of them would be horrible boyfriends. I'm talking about the guys who have absolutely no food in the fridge, guys who can't cook or bake anything to save their lives, guys who don't know how the most basic cleaning works. Most of my friends have at least one of these problems. They're fun to hang out with then I go to their apartment and it looks like it was ransacked. These men are single because of everything I just wrote in this paragraph.

The women I know usually fall in the opposite camp. They're artistic. Their apartment or bed room is either well decorated or simple and tidy. They're not the greatest chefs, but they all seem to know how to bake things. Their main character flaw is that they simply don't care about making money. They all want to spend money and have nice things, but only 1 of them (as far as I know) makes more than 40k per year. My income is over 40k and most of the guys I hang out with earn more than me. The women I know are often single because they chase after the bad boy loser who ignores them and wants them to stop calling so damn much.

Ok, so the women you posted above picked losers. This doesn't contradict anything anyone here has said to my knowledge and in fact, actually reinforces the notion that women generally pick "bad boys" who end up being losers instead of the more average but decent guys. I'd be willing to be these women had other, "less exciting" options.

I don't know why so many people suck so bad at picking a mate. Men pick overly dramatic women who can only be described as crazy, and women pick underly employed men who can only be described as losers. My brother is arguably a 10/10 when it comes to looks, income, and personality, but his choice in women is atrocious. He's with an overly dramatic woman who is very very crazy.

 

[lowrider69]

I don't think it's a red flag, some people think marriage is bullshit, simple as that. A man and a woman can be together and not have to sign a document.

Love is grand, divorce is twenty grand and up.

 

[ShawnD1]

Women's abillity to reproduce shuts down

Men don't have to "settle down" nearly as young as women. They could be in their 80s and still banging away.

Therefore, I would say single woman is bigger red flag.

BZZZZZZZZZZ WRONG.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/04/AR2006090400513.html

Children born to fathers of advancing age are at significantly higher risk of developing autism compared with children born to younger fathers, according a comprehensive study published yesterday that offers surprising new insight into one of the most feared disorders of the brain.

With every decade of advancing age starting with men in their teens and twenties, the new study found, older fathers pose a growing risk to their children when it comes to autism -- unhappy evidence that the medical risks associated with late parenthood are not just the province of older mothers, as much previous research has suggested.

Yeah you can still have kids at 50 but your kids will be hardcore retarded.

 

[Excelsior]

Can I vote neither?

Times are changing. Women are becoming more career oriented and men are staying single longer so they can "have fun being single." I suppose the same could be said for some of the women as well.

I have noticed and recent parties with my sis (there are many women in their 30s) that a bunch of them are divorced or have some glaring issue.

I did meet my current GF at one of these though. As an attorney, she has been very career oriented over the last 6-7 years and not so concerned about settling down. She has tried dating but to no avail. She also happens to be 7 years older than me.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

It's about doing it long term and maintaining a relationship. Two very different things.

I'm still not following your logic as to why this would mean a single 35 year-old man is a bigger red flag than a woman. What we're arguing is that the average 35 year-old woman will likely have far more opportunities to have a relationship given that men generally do the asking and it is up to the woman to accept or decline.

You might make the argument that a 35 year-old man has a red flag because he refuses to "settle down," but you could make that argument for a 35 year-old woman as well and since she has likely had far more opportunities at a relationship, it paints her in a more negative light IMO.

 

[Possessed Freak]

What is this red flag you speak of?
I won't get a loan?
I won't get a job interview?
The library is going to deny my membership?

If you mean getting into a new relationship, wouldn't the red flag be the wedding band on the finger???