As of Friday I will no longer have a computer....plus OT

[amok]

Well, it looks as if on Friday I won't have a computer any longer, so I will no longer be able to contribute computing power to TA (until I build another one anyway). However, the reason behind this is the "plus OT"...

What do you say when your wife of nearly a decade comes out of the blue and says she's separating with you and will be moving into an apartment with a friend this weekend?

That's what happened to me today. I came home late tonight (studying for a test) and found a few packed boxes with a bottle of Jim Beam sitting on them (which I only drink in times of great duress). Already worried and not having the slightest idea what was going on I went to the living room to find my wife. She told me she was leaving me, and moving in with a friend this weekend, and that I had clothes and things layed out in a guest bedroom so that I could sleep there the next couple of nights. I was speechless. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was serious. So I opened up the bottle, took a very long drink and then plopped down on the couch to think why in the hell she would be doing this. Our relationship has always been good. Neither of us has cheated on the other, we still have fun together, and we have very few arguments. The only thing I could think to say is why? She told me she had just decided that it would be best. She needed to be out on her own for a while and think some things through. Maybe we would get back together eventually. I took another, longer, drink and simply stared at her with what was undoubtably a stupid and incomprehending expression on my face. I told her that it doesn't make any sense. We haven't had any fights, we're both faithful, we both have good careers ahead of us, we have a great time together, and hell, even after more than nine years the sex is still great! What more could you ask for? What did she do? She told me I was being too damned logical! She said it was an emotional problem! What the hell! I drank through the rest of what she said, and to be completely honest I'm so drunk now that I can barely remember anything after that point, but I do remember her saying that she was taking the computer, so I needed to rant about something, and you guys are pretty understanding, and hell I don't know what else I should do. What the hell should I do?

 

[mindless]

Im sorry to hear that
I wish you the best of luck in everything, and hope you guys can work this out

 

[Slacker]

I feel for you, my heart sank when I read your post, you need the support of family and friends right now, be aware that you may not be thinking clearly and take time to consider what you decide to do, you have our support here, we will listen and try to help.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

I dunno, that sounds like a bunch of crap to me. I feel bad for people when this happens, just doesn't seem fair. Is this a male or female friend she's moving in with? Also check with an attorney, so you don't get reamed too bad.

 

[Engineer]

Amok,

My heart goes out to you and I really do wish and hope the best for you. Hopefully everything will work out and you'll again find the happiness that you and everyone else deserves...

As to what you should do...No-one here except you can really answer that...You know your situation better than any of us here....We'll support you and wish you the best in anything you decide....

I hope that TeAm Anandtech is a second family to you as it is to me...

Good Luck and God Bless my teammate and friend...

 

[Jator]

amok,

I can only imagine what you are going through. My wife and I started dating in 91. If this happened to me, I would be as dumbfounded as you are now.

You have friends who will support you in any way possible. As for the PC, I can contribute a K5 PR166, 800 Meg Hard Drive and a WinModem. It's not much, but at least it would keep you online (and it has a great 3.3x for RC5).

Let me know where to ship the parts if you need them.

Jay

 

[BGod]

Stuff like this shouldn't happen to anyone!

If she does take the computer, make sure the client runs in QUIET mode. You'll still get blocks out of it when it's on.

You can always build a better machine.

Good luck on the test!

 

[ViRGE]

Ack! I wish I knew what to say Amok. Good luck.

 

[SSP]

Damn that sucks. I wish you the best of luck man. We're here for you.. always.

 

[mechBgon]

amok, that is so sad... I wish I knew what to say, too. You can lean on your friends here, I know, so try to stay in touch!

 

[KGB]

Amok,
Your sorrow is our sorrow.
We feel for you and wish the best.



Like Jator, I have a system for you : P133 32MB 1.2G etc. that you can have.
PM me if you want it.

Good luck bro'

 

[Lord Demios]

Like the others, I don't know what to say. If you need anything or need to talk or just need computer parts, just tell us. We too are like a family here and to see this post just makes it an even better reason to keep it like that. If there is anything we can do, just say.

If needed send an email to grahn@xmission.com, I will give you a phone number if you feel you need to rant or talk or anything. Were here for you!!!!

LD

 

[Wellcky]

man.. that is really some bad news to swallow, we are all here for you man. :Q I wish the best of luck for you...

 

[Twioz]

First I would like to say dont drive anywhere or as little as possible. Besides the obvious of being drunk even when it wheres off if you have a good friend that can drive you let them do it. I went through a shocking breakup and you would be supprised how not there you are. Drove through red lights without even knowing it (till my histerical passenger clued me in (not the x)).
I hate to pry but what is the reason for her taking the puter? Does she go into chat rooms alot? I suppose you know your wife very well and would know if something fishy was going on but you would be supprised at what we dont let ourselves see when we are in love.
My heart goes out to you because no matter what happens this is gunna take awhile to heal. My best wishes.

 

[imported_Thunder]

Amok,

I can't say as I've been in your exact situation, but I can say that I went through a similar time with my marriage. I can tell you that everything worked out and it's all okay now, but unfortunately (for what you might be thinking) that doesn't mean that I'm still married. What I mean is that after a long time of gut-wrenching sorrow, confusion and sadness, I eventually came to grips with things and found out that I could be happy on my own. My now ex-wife and I went through a terrible time for almost the first year after we separated, but we DID finally remember that we had started down the whole road together as friends and we finally realized that we could get past the hurtful words & deeds and be friends again. (This is the good news part, believe it or not... I thought you should hear that first)

The reason I say that my situation was similar was that my ex and I knew we were having enough problems to warrant separating for a while to at least step back and get some perspective. What I didn't know was that she had already settled on getting a divorce and just hadn't shared that information with me. So like you, I was really confused at first and felt like events were happening that were not only totally out of my control, but were even outside of my comprehension. It took a long, long time for me to conclude that while I may not ever understand all the justifications why she wanted to leave, I could at least figure out some of the fundamental reasons why there was no way to continue our marriage. What I mean is that sometimes there's just nothing you can do about it. (and I know that's a hard concept to swallow) In my situation (and I admit, I don't know if yours is the same), my ex just plain didn't want to be married anymore. It didn't have anything to do with me or anything I had done terribly wrong. She could have been married to married to a man that was the pinnacle of perfection and it wouldn't have made any difference, she just wanted out of marriage and all that comes with it.

The only advice I can give you is first of all, don't think about the long range future. Take care of yourself in the here and now and once you've done your best to make sure your own personal ship is "sailing on an even keel", then try to understand what's going on. Then, if your wife seems amiable to talking and you want to hear more explanation of what's going on, then talk. If she's not wanting discuss things, then don't press the issue... in all likelihood, you'll just get excuses that are probably not the real crux of her problems. Finally, accept the fact that even if you hear all about what's wrong, that doesn't mean you're necessarily going to understand it. Sometimes you just have to accept that there are some problems that you can't get a grasp of and fix.

In the coming days, the idea that anything is going to get better is probably going to be the furthest from your mind. The "brighter" side of life is going to seem completely out of view. It's okay to feel despondant, angry & confused, but don't let yourself get all the way to despair. Talk to a friend or spend some time doing something that brings you happiness while you work through this. I know it's probably going to sound like a crazy thing to do, but if you don't have anyone to talk to that you feel will understand what's going on then feel free to email me and I'll give you my phone #'s and you can spill your guts to this faceless schmuck that you only know from the internet, okay? (I'm serious, just send the mail if you need.)

-Brian

 

[SYST3M]

heh, i haven't seen much in these forums to post about lately, but i have to for this.
All i can offer is a hug and the knowledge that i feel for ya. Hey, i am a great hugger, so i am told, so all you have to do is ask. I hope this all works out for you.

/me gives a great big bear hug to amok

 

[Wolfie]

amok

There is no way I or anyone else can say what you should do. Do what is best for both of you. Good luck and I hope (we hope) to see you back soon and with more enlightning news.....

Wolf

 

[nickdakick]

We love you, man !

All best to you. Take care.

 

[DanC]

Amok -
As one who has suffered this blow I can tell you I know how it feels. That doesn't help - I know.
She's going through what wives sometimes go through... utter insanity. There's a reason for it, and none of us will see it now. There will come a time when you do. Until then, may God bless you and comfort you - and give her reasoning, restraint and understanding that she's making the wrong choice.
It will take time, but you will emerge from this. You cannot blame yourself, though you will. You can't examine yourself for faults, though - you will.
It is what it is... another person making a unilateral decision that has a devastating effect on you both. It isn't fair, it isn't right, and it hurts like hell.
This won't mean much to you now, I understand. You will get through this. Many of us have, and remarkably find we're better off than we were when we thought we were losing everything.
When one door is closed, another opens. You will find both the courage and heart to step through it, I guarantee.

God bless.

dc

 

[PeterN]

I'm speechless and feel for you from the other side of the world.

Peter.

 

[IsOs]

Amok,

May you have a better tomorrow. My prayers and best wishes are with you. Take care.

IsOs

 

[nickdakick]

<< sometimes go through... utter insanity >>


I doubt the &quot;sometimes&quot; part Dan.

amok
boot the woman keep the comp.

Nope, just kidding.

I feel for you Chaka Khan

 

[jinsonxu]

amok, all the best! You've our support!

 

[toph99]

i must say that really, really sucks if i have any advice, it's that you sober up. only thing drinking ever accomplished was making problems larger.
good luck to you

 

[amok]

OMG! I come to check the forums this morning before I go to class and find this...and an empty bottle .

First of all, despite the fact that I'm a little!! embarrassed, thank you all for the support. This is a difficult time, and I appreciate the kind words. I'm not feeling well enough this morning to be very emotional though .

Secondly, thank you to those that offered spare components and the like. But that won't be necessary. Apparently I ordered most of the components for a new computer last night (but I am going to have to cancel the order for the 18&quot; TFT monitor, what the hell was I thinking ordering a $1500 monitor?). Hehe, I'm not very bad off financially despite the fact that I'm a full time PharmD student. My house is paid for and I'll be drawing severance pay from the university until one year after I graduate pharmacy school .

And for whoever it was that asked, she's moving in with a girl friend (don't get the wrong idea there )

Despite the fact that its apparently the wrong attitude for this situation, I am a very analytical person. While I believe that only about 1/3 of my neurons have actually been firing this morning, I've still come to the conclusion that I will just have to take whatever comes. This is apparently something she needs to do, and I don't really have a much of a choice in it, so I'll do whatever she needs me to do. If things work out, I'll be happy. If they don't, I'll curse and rant, throw things around the house, and maybe go to a filthy bar somewhere and beat the hell out of a few bikers or something . Thanks again for the support, and I'll be online today and tomorrow, and then I'll let you guys know when I get my new system put together.