A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam . . ."Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family -- but that's it! No other excuses whatsoever!"
A guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
********************************************************************************************************
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. Instead, he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket -- not your stub."
***********************************************************************************************************
A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store and couldn't find one large enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied," No ma'am -- they're dead."
************************************************************************************************************
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
************************************************************************************************************
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and passes a sign that reads: "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and his trailor gets "stuck." Traffic is backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car arrives. The cop gets out of his car, walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
A guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
********************************************************************************************************
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. Instead, he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket -- not your stub."
***********************************************************************************************************
A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store and couldn't find one large enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied," No ma'am -- they're dead."
************************************************************************************************************
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
************************************************************************************************************
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and passes a sign that reads: "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and his trailor gets "stuck." Traffic is backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car arrives. The cop gets out of his car, walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
