Testing your Republican credentials
By Dan Payne | August 21, 2004
RU GOP? With only nine days until Republican convention, look at
statements below. If you agree with any one of them, you belong in New York. (Some items from anonymous Internet sources.)
[*]We never attack John Kerry's combat heroism; that's what we pay crackpot Kerry-hating veterans group to do.
[*]If senior citizens want cheaper drug prices from Canada, they should move to Canada.
[*]Major oil corporations should shape American energy policy. Even if it means highest gasoline prices ever.
[*]We should not pay our United Nations dues; Secretary of State Colin Powell didn't mean to lie to UN about WMD; but now UN should bail George Bush's sorry behind out of Iraq.
[*]Donald Rumsfeld is doing terrific job as Pentagon boss -- if you ignore his being suckered by turncoat Ahmed Chalabi who said grateful Iraqis would welcome American liberators. Ignore 953 US soldiers dead and 5,976 wounded; and 12,000 Iraq civilians killed. Ignore Abu Ghraib prison abuses. And ignore that troops going to Iraq had to buy own costly body armor, then weld scrap metal onto thin-skinned Humvees. - my personal favorite
[*]Dick Cheney was right to ridicule John Kerry for saying he'd be "sensitive" in fighting war. Cheney also right same day when he said on radio that battle in Najaf "is obviously a sensitive area, and we are very much aware of its sensitivity."
[*]Firing American workers and sending their jobs to India is unavoidable economic dislocation. Laid-off manufacturing workers don't mind asking, "Would you like fries with that?"
[*]Women can't be trusted with decisions about their own bodies, but multi-national corporations like Halliburton can make life and death decisions without regulation.
[*]Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals.
[*]Being drug addict is moral failing and crime, unless you're conservative radio host. Then it's illness and we pray for your recovery.
[*]Group sex and drug use are sins unless you are Republican governor of Cauli-fornia.
[*]If condoms aren't in schools, adolescents won't have sex.
[*]Global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in public schools.
[*]One president lying about extramarital affair was grounds for impeachment. Another president lying about reasons to go to war should be reelected.
[*]Courts should not write new rights into Constitution. But rewriting Constitution to deny the rights of gay Americans is OK.
[*]It could take years before stem cell research will help with Alzheimer's, MS, and Parkinson's. Why start now? (Thanks, "Daily Show.")
By Dan Payne | August 21, 2004
RU GOP? With only nine days until Republican convention, look at
statements below. If you agree with any one of them, you belong in New York. (Some items from anonymous Internet sources.)
[*]We never attack John Kerry's combat heroism; that's what we pay crackpot Kerry-hating veterans group to do.
[*]If senior citizens want cheaper drug prices from Canada, they should move to Canada.
[*]Major oil corporations should shape American energy policy. Even if it means highest gasoline prices ever.
[*]We should not pay our United Nations dues; Secretary of State Colin Powell didn't mean to lie to UN about WMD; but now UN should bail George Bush's sorry behind out of Iraq.
[*]Donald Rumsfeld is doing terrific job as Pentagon boss -- if you ignore his being suckered by turncoat Ahmed Chalabi who said grateful Iraqis would welcome American liberators. Ignore 953 US soldiers dead and 5,976 wounded; and 12,000 Iraq civilians killed. Ignore Abu Ghraib prison abuses. And ignore that troops going to Iraq had to buy own costly body armor, then weld scrap metal onto thin-skinned Humvees. - my personal favorite
[*]Dick Cheney was right to ridicule John Kerry for saying he'd be "sensitive" in fighting war. Cheney also right same day when he said on radio that battle in Najaf "is obviously a sensitive area, and we are very much aware of its sensitivity."
[*]Firing American workers and sending their jobs to India is unavoidable economic dislocation. Laid-off manufacturing workers don't mind asking, "Would you like fries with that?"
[*]Women can't be trusted with decisions about their own bodies, but multi-national corporations like Halliburton can make life and death decisions without regulation.
[*]Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals.
[*]Being drug addict is moral failing and crime, unless you're conservative radio host. Then it's illness and we pray for your recovery.
[*]Group sex and drug use are sins unless you are Republican governor of Cauli-fornia.
[*]If condoms aren't in schools, adolescents won't have sex.
[*]Global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in public schools.
[*]One president lying about extramarital affair was grounds for impeachment. Another president lying about reasons to go to war should be reelected.
[*]Courts should not write new rights into Constitution. But rewriting Constitution to deny the rights of gay Americans is OK.
[*]It could take years before stem cell research will help with Alzheimer's, MS, and Parkinson's. Why start now? (Thanks, "Daily Show.")
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