Are fathers becoming an endangered species?

[Riprorin]

"The American father, maligned and marginalized the past several decades, makes underdogs feel smug."

"...fathers are critical to children's lives, just as mothers are, and that the diminution of Father in our culture may be the single stupidest turn in human history yet. The proof of our folly is all around us as measured in the pathologies afflicting our young, yet we persist in denial lest truth inconvenience our next act of self-affirmation."

"Given what we've done to fathers in the span of a generation demoting him from Father Knows Best, which in spite of all its hyperbolic dramatization hurt no one, to the Three-D Dad: dumb, dorky and dispensable it's a wonder men still submit to the altar."

"...40 percent of children live in homes without their fathers as society has embraced the "deadbeat dad' as a prototype rather than a deviation from the norm. Studies show that women file the majority of divorces, and that fathers (almost 80 percent) who have regular contact with their children pay their child support in full and on time."

"Meanwhile, old-fashioned masculinity is demeaned as we celebrate "metrosexuals' and invite homosexual men to ridicule heterosexuals' fashion sense ("Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'). It's hard enough raising boys in homes without fathers, let alone in a world that finds traditional male characteristics boorish and passe."

"To be blunt, raising boys and girls without their fathers is simply another, if mysteriously accepted, form of child neglect."

Fathers integral to children's lives despite modern-day siege

Good op-ed piece by Kathleen Parker.

Children and society as a whole have suffered as a result of the emasulation and constant demeaning of heterosexual males.

 

[kogase]

For my part, my mother ran out on us when I was 2. My father has raised me and my brother by himself since then.

 

[Engineer]

My father was great. My mother on the other hand......blah!

Maybe the problem with a few fathers is that we now (Americans) work our butts off so much we don't spend as much time with our kids as we should?

I dunno. I try to be the best dad that I can. I'm going to get my child (playing with neighbor's kids) right now!

 

[EatSpam]

I'm glad my dad was/is around. My mom is a crazy religious nutcase.

 

[Rainsford]

The article might have a point if it didn't try and blame the existence of crummy fathers on something other than those men themselves. Maybe I'm being silly here, but I don't think there was EVER this gold standard of fatherhood that all (or most) men tried to meet. There have always been good and bad fathers, and I don't think the percentages are changing, even if the exact problems are. My grandparent's generation had men that were bad fathers who were physically abusive and incapable of teaching anything other than "respect me or I'll hit you". My parent's generation had men that were bad fathers because they worked too much, were emotionally distant and didn't give their children any kind of role model or support. Is the new problem bad fathers who are Homer Simpson types or are "metrosexual"?

Maybe, but as usual, the problem rest on the shoulders of those men who could use some parenting classes. Abusers, bad role models, dads who just aren't there. Whatever the problem is, you can't blame "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", the blame belongs to those who are actually doing (or not doing) the job. That's probably the most important lesson MY dad taught me.

 

[Rainsford]

As a side note, if anyone deserves a special "bad parenting callout", it's the baby boomers. As a generation (and I know there are lots of exceptions, my parents among them), they really seem to have mastered the art of blaming other people for your own personal shortcomings. Witness the truly moronic treatment of rap music, violent and sexual movies and TV shows, video games, gay marriage, gay people in general, etc, etc, as though they were responsible for the problems individuals have. THAT is bad parenting, it tells kids with parents like those that they have no power over their own destiny, that bad things they do can always be blamed on someone else. Oddly enough, despite supposedly being the champions of personal responsibility, I see this as much from the conservatives as anyone.

Personally I plan on teaching my kids the exact opposite. That nobody "makes" them do anything, that they always have a choice. I think anything less is doing kids a disservice and raising them to be less than they could be. Plus the alternative produces some really whiney people.

 

[Willoughbyva]

Originally posted by: Rainsford
The article might have a point if it didn't try and blame the existence of crummy fathers on something other than those men themselves. Maybe I'm being silly here, but I don't think there was EVER this gold standard of fatherhood that all (or most) men tried to meet. There have always been good and bad fathers, and I don't think the percentages are changing, even if the exact problems are. My grandparent's generation had men that were bad fathers who were physically abusive and incapable of teaching anything other than "respect me or I'll hit you". My parent's generation had men that were bad fathers because they worked too much, were emotionally distant and didn't give their children any kind of role model or support. Is the new problem bad fathers who are Homer Simpson types or are "metrosexual"?

Maybe, but as usual, the problem rest on the shoulders of those men who could use some parenting classes. Abusers, bad role models, dads who just aren't there. Whatever the problem is, you can't blame "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", the blame belongs to those who are actually doing (or not doing) the job. That's probably the most important lesson MY dad taught me.

Seems very resonable. Don't forget that not all fathers are loving. In some cases it is better for the father to be out of the picture. Just like there are cases where the mother needs to sever contact for the benifit of the child. For the most part and maybe it has always been like this, I think that there is a mentality that "it is all about me". It leaves little room for love of family and children. I think that one of the things that make good dads good is selflessness. I had a pretty good father and mother compared to what some people had to deal with.

 

[LordMagnusKain]

In some cases it is better for the father to be out of the picture.

my dad was an abusive alcoholic and then coke addict, and I?m still better off than if he'd "not been in the picture"

 

[Willoughbyva]

Yes a lot can be said for learning from other peoples mistakes or actions. My mother and father had their problems to, but I still loved them. I am glad they were in my life and wish they were still alive. However some people are really bad and need to be away from their children. Just about every week there are reports in the news of family problems going to the extreme.

 

[Zebo]

Yea I don't like how all these TV shows portray Dads as idiots.. Cosby, Home improvement.. every show the father is just this "big idiot" who of course manages to bring home the bacon while everyone laughs at him. Meh. My dad is great, a bit of a disiplinarian but that's expected with 6 rough boys, smart and always supported us all the way though college.

 

[zendari]

Originally posted by: Engineer
My father was great. My mother on the other hand......blah!

Maybe the problem with a few fathers is that we now (Americans) work our butts off so much we don't spend as much time with our kids as we should?

I dunno. I try to be the best dad that I can. I'm going to get my child (playing with neighbor's kids) right now!

I have the same situation in my family. My father is a good guy, but he works a lot, and my mother is simply unlikeable.

Part of the "downfall" of fathers today probably lies with the family/divorce court system which treats men like dogs.

 

[Rainsford]

Originally posted by: Zebo
Yea I don't like how all these TV shows portray Dads as idiots.. Cosby, Home improvement.. every show the father is just this "big idiot" who of course manages to bring home the bacon while everyone laughs at him. Meh. My dad is great, a bit of a disiplinarian but that's expected with 6 rough boys, smart and always supported us all the way though college.

Why get upset over that stereotype any more than any other stereotype done for comedy? Nobody with half a brain thinks that it is really how things are, any more than we think black people are all loud and obnoxious because we've watched Chris Tucker in the Rush Hour movies.

 

[Thump553]

Originally posted by: Rainsford
As a side note, if anyone deserves a special "bad parenting callout", it's the baby boomers. As a generation (and I know there are lots of exceptions, my parents among them), they really seem to have mastered the art of blaming other people for your own personal shortcomings. Witness the truly moronic treatment of rap music, violent and sexual movies and TV shows, video games, gay marriage, gay people in general, etc, etc, as though they were responsible for the problems individuals have. THAT is bad parenting, it tells kids with parents like those that they have no power over their own destiny, that bad things they do can always be blamed on someone else. Oddly enough, despite supposedly being the champions of personal responsibility, I see this as much from the conservatives as anyone.

Personally I plan on teaching my kids the exact opposite. That nobody "makes" them do anything, that they always have a choice. I think anything less is doing kids a disservice and raising them to be less than they could be. Plus the alternative produces some really whiney people.

As a baby boomer, please let me bring it to your attention that all problems in the sixties were due to long hair and hippies-at least according to nearly every person of my parent's generation that I ever knew. Simplistic reasoning will always be around, regardless of the generation involved.

 

[arsbanned]

Originally posted by: Riprorin
"The American father, maligned and marginalized the past several decades, makes underdogs feel smug."

"...fathers are critical to children's lives, just as mothers are, and that the diminution of Father in our culture may be the single stupidest turn in human history yet. The proof of our folly is all around us as measured in the pathologies afflicting our young, yet we persist in denial lest truth inconvenience our next act of self-affirmation."

"Given what we've done to fathers in the span of a generation demoting him from Father Knows Best, which in spite of all its hyperbolic dramatization hurt no one, to the Three-D Dad: dumb, dorky and dispensable it's a wonder men still submit to the altar."

"...40 percent of children live in homes without their fathers as society has embraced the "deadbeat dad' as a prototype rather than a deviation from the norm. Studies show that women file the majority of divorces, and that fathers (almost 80 percent) who have regular contact with their children pay their child support in full and on time."

"Meanwhile, old-fashioned masculinity is demeaned as we celebrate "metrosexuals' and invite homosexual men to ridicule heterosexuals' fashion sense ("Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'). It's hard enough raising boys in homes without fathers, let alone in a world that finds traditional male characteristics boorish and passe."

"To be blunt, raising boys and girls without their fathers is simply another, if mysteriously accepted, form of child neglect."

Fathers integral to children's lives despite modern-day siege

Good op-ed piece by Kathleen Parker.

Children and society as a whole have suffered as a result of the emasulation and constant demeaning of heterosexual males.

Be a good father, a father worth respecting, and fatherhood will not be threatened. I agree society has changed (continues to change), roles have been altered (WWII had a lot to do with this) but I disagree with the idea that the sky is falling. I've got 2 very successful kids, and it isn't just because of their mother.

Edit: She has some valid points. Fathers are routinely depicted as blithering idiots on TV, for instance. However, my post still stands.