Are children better adjusted when the mother stay home?

[Quixfire]

Edit: Than children put in daycare or a nanny spending most of the day with them.

This topic is interesting to me because my wife is a stay at home mother of three and I also work with several women that choose to pursue a career over fulltime child rearing.

Edit: Sorry for dropping off the first line, it's been a long day.

 

[BatmanNate]

Better adjusted to what? My father stayed home when I was a child, and I turned out alright.

 

[illusion88]

Better adjusted to what?
To the social hell of high School? To living with their parents (you). To Going away to collage?

 

[Jfur]

depends on the mother

 

[Lola]

I always wondered about this too! When i was little, my mom had to work, but my grandma took care of me. I never went to daycare or a nanny. I woudl think that it should have some good effect on the kids, at least to the point that they do not have to be exposed to all those childhood sickness' like children at a daycare would. I think it's great that your wife stays at home with the kids. If i ever had that oppertunity, i would take it!

 

[Karsten]

I think I know what you mean with well adjusted. I think in the most case... of course. Small children benefit from personal attention a great deal. However you have to look at the fact that in some cases it is much better if the kids sees someone else. Sad but true, but not all parents do a good job and give their kids the attntion they need.

 

[vi edit]

Assuming the parent knows what he/she is doing, then having a stay at parent with a child from the age of birth till around 3 or 4 is quite beneficial. After that and socialization and independence in the form of day care and pre-school are more important.

Just my $.02

 

[Tominator]

Every study in child behavior ever done shows that a parent at home results in a better adjusted, smarter and more well behaved child!

 

[Maverick]

I think they definitely need it in the early years...once the kid turns 3 or 4 preschool is okay. Before that they need a lot of attention. But honestly I think grandparents can provide it too.

 

[dpm]

My mother and my girlfriend's mother both teach kids with special needs (as the term is here in Britain) and they are both very strongly anti-daycare. They say that it can screw up a lot of kids emotionally. Not *all* day care kids, by a long chalk, but they both say very firmly that its much better for them to have a parent (either one) look after them.

Apparantly my mother teaches a lot of day care kids who've developed ADD, and she doesn't think its a coincidence.

 

[eakers]

I don't think I am going to have children because I will never EVER put them in a home daycare with someone I am not related to or isn't my best friend or something. I might consider some kind of preschool or some sort of some kind of structured type care but never anything at someone elses home or where someone else comes into my own.

the worst period of my life happend because of the daycare i recieved when I was younger and I know that I am screwed up today because of it.

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

Originally posted by: Tominator
Every study in child behavior ever done shows that a parent at home results in a better adjusted, smarter and more well behaved child!

Regardless of what studies show, there's no way I'd leave my kid at daycare or have both parents working. No compromise.

Granted I'll never be married or have kids, but that's the way it would be

Either I work and she stays home, or the other way around.

At least until kindergarten or so. Then if she still wanted to work, could do that but part time. Like drop the kid off, work, pick him up, then stay home the rest of the day.

 

[DeafeningSilence]

Originally posted by: Shiva112
I think they definitely need it in the early years...once the kid turns 3 or 4 preschool is okay. Before that they need a lot of attention. But honestly I think grandparents can provide it too.

Agreed. Kids raised by their grandparents, aunt and uncle, etc., seem to generally turn out allright. I think there's a big difference between that and daycare/babysitter. Kids need love and nurturing... preferably not the kind that is given in exchange for a paycheck.

 

[Isla]

I agree with your mother and girlfriend's mother to a great degree, dpm. A lot has to do with the level of quality that the child gets. Daycare can work, but it's tricky.

A private daycare home that has 5 or fewer children can be a good alternative... having a family member who can watch your child is also a good option. I've been a private daycare provider before (for my niece and nephew and assorted friend's children) and when I was a child, I stayed with my amazing, creative, incredible great aunt instead of daycare. Those were some of my happiest days. And I like to think that my niece and nephew remember staying with me fondly.

The worst are the big daycare centers that herd children in and out like cattle. Even the best ones are hard pressed to work with each child individually. It's a big machine.

I've stayed home with all my children which has meant some big gaps in my employment plus some really weird jobs (maid, dog bather, etc!). I've even worked in a pre-school-daycare center (a small one, it was as nice as they get) just so that I could still be with my kids.

Now I'll be working again (Early Learning Program), but my youngest (who is a preschooler) gets to be with me in the class all day! This is cool because he will see that sometimes Mom is the boss, too.

<---on a big ole' natural high

 

[StageLeft]

I would say no, based upon what little I've read about it and witnessed anecdotally. It makes some people overly dependent upon their mothers, not to mention the fact that many stay at home moms are not very happy over the long term.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
I would say no, based upon what little I've read about it and witnessed anecdotally. It makes some people overly dependent upon their mothers, not to mention the fact that many stay at home moms are not very happy over the long term.

Well, there has to be a balance. A mentally ill mom is not a great choice for a stay at home mom. Unfortunately, that's what my Mother In Law was.

You know the Pink Floyd song, Mother? First time my husband heard it, he said, "Huh. I guess Pink Floyd knew my mom." I am not joking.

In my case, I stay home with my kids as long as it's working. Frankly, I've done the parent volunteer thing, the neighborhood mommies thing, etc etc... and it's just not enough for me. Soooooo.... I do what's best for my kids, and when the time is right, I do what is best for me.

The trick is in being willing to break out of your routine when the time comes.

<---soooo ready to break out!

 

[Hammer]

I think so. It sort like if you want something done right, you do it yourself type deal. No one is gonna put the same amount of effort into taking care of your kids as your are.

 

[datalink7]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: Skoorb
I would say no, based upon what little I've read about it and witnessed anecdotally. It makes some people overly dependent upon their mothers, not to mention the fact that many stay at home moms are not very happy over the long term.

Well, there has to be a balance. A mentally ill mom is not a great choice for a stay at home mom. Unfortunately, that's what my Mother In Law was.

You know the Pink Floyd song, Mother? First time my husband heard it, he said, "Huh. I guess Pink Floyd knew my mom." I am not joking.

In my case, I stay home with my kids as long as it's working. Frankly, I've done the parent volunteer thing, the neighborhood mommies thing, etc etc... and it's just not enough for me. Soooooo.... I do what's best for my kids, and when the time is right, I do what is best for me.

The trick is in being willing to break out of your routine when the time comes.

<---soooo ready to break out!

Hey, my dad says that song reminds him exactly of his mother as well.

I think it is best if a parent stays at home. My parents made an agreement. For the first 9 years of my life (I was the first born), my Mom would be at home. The next 9 year, my Dad would be the at home parent. It worked out well I think

 

[Stallion]

We have a pretty good set up. the wife works usually from about 6am till 1pm. I watch the kids from when they get up at about 7am till 9am when we have a nanny come over. This gives me fr time to do house work,school work, etc. They watch a few cartoon then we have them read books, and do activities. Paint, games, playdo (sp). The baby sitter leaves at 1pm and then I have them again tillI got to work at 2:30. The wife is usually home by 1:30 so we all have snacks and more play time. After I leave the wife has them till they go to bed at 8pm ,then she gets some free time.

I feel that since our kids always have either myself or mom around it's much better then a daycare. But our work schedules is what makes this work.

My son who is not quite 4 yet also started pre-school, he goes Mon and Wed for 2 hours.