- Oct 30, 1999
- 11,815
- 104
- 106
I pulled into the drive through at Arby's.
Over the speaker I hear "KXWELZCOMEFDTOMNARNBYSXCMAYKJTAKETYYOURHJORKDER?"
Umm.... Ok.
"I'd like a chicken and bacon sandwich and one of those extra large cups of Coke."
"OMKKZTHATPLLGGBEFRFIVEKDOLLGARSNANDRFIFSTYGTWOMCENTSKK."
Not only could I not understand her, but there was a second voice coming over the speaker that sounded like someone barking sandwich ingredients across the room....
"CHEESE DOUBLE CHEESE BEEF CHEESE ONION CHEESE BEEF BEEF BEEF!"
"I can't hear you ma'am. What was that?"
"ZZFIVEXKFIFZTYKSIRKK."
I figured, "Screw it, I'll just pull through and check the order when I get to the window."
I got to the window and immediately noticed what was going on.
You know how sometimes when someone has their mouth closed, there's still that tiny little hole between their lips? Like their mouth can't close all of the way unless they really tried and pressed their lips together? Ok.. This lady had the tip of her boom mike in the area of that little hole. If it was any further IN her mouth she would be eating the mike and all we'd be able to hear is "Welcome to Arby's may I CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH...."
Meanwhile, there's this kid with a uni-brow that looks like a cross between an angry horse and a dead something or another screaming out to the kitchen all of the orders as the lady is punching them into the register's touch pad.
I grabbed the bag with the sandwich. I handed my credit card to the lady and looked down into the bag to make sure the sandwich was right.
I looked up and she was already handing me back the credit card.
"Have a nice day" She tells me.
I know she hadn't given me the cup of Coke yet, but I don't like to seem like I'm rushing people (unless I'm trying to get my wife out of the house in the morning) so I didn't say anything, set the bag down on the floor board of the van, put the credit card back in my wallet and put the wallet back in my back pocket. Still no Coke? Ok. It's time to say something.
"Excuse me." Just as those two words leave my mouth, she leans back, grabs a cup of Coke and hands it to me.
"I didn't forget your Coke. It's right here. I didn't forget your Coke. Lordy lordy lordy (something like that.) I didn't forget your Coke."
I just kind of crack a grin and start to take the Coke from her.
Just then, the lid pops off the top. Now I don't know if you guys know about these big plastic Coke cups, but the lid SNAPS on. They don't just POP off like the tops of Big Gulp cups do. This lid was CLEARLY not on.
Now by the time I had a chance to think about what was going on, her hands were off of the cup, one of my hands is fumbling for the lid, and about half of the Coke is spilled down the inside of my door and onto my pants.
Arby's lady says, "I didn't do that. You must've squeezed the cup. My hands weren't even on the cup. Lordy lordy lordy. You must've squeezed the cup."
"I didn't squeeze the cup." I responded, "The lid wasn't even on the damn thing."
Meanwhile uni-brow horse boy is clearly laughing.
"Don't curse at me." She says, "My hands weren't even on the cup. You were holding the cup. It didn't spill when I handed it to you. You were holding the cup."
At this point I just want her to shut up. "Give me some napkins and fill this cup back up and put the lid on it this time."
Uni-brow is now going "Hee haw hee haw.." or whatever sound half man half horse creatures make when they laugh out loud. I start to give him the most evil look I can conjure up.
Arby's lady tilts her head to the side and gives me a bug eyed look. "You best be nice mister! You don't need to be like that. That Coke had a lid on it when I handed it to you. You squeezed it and the lid popped off. That happens. That's not my fault!"
I was through with this BS. With the lid still off of the now half full Coke cup, I chucked the cup into the drive through window and drove off as fast as I could. I don't know how wet Blame Lady and Horse Boy got, but out of the corner of my eye I could see the two of them jump back rather quickly.
Over the speaker I hear "KXWELZCOMEFDTOMNARNBYSXCMAYKJTAKETYYOURHJORKDER?"
Umm.... Ok.
"I'd like a chicken and bacon sandwich and one of those extra large cups of Coke."
"OMKKZTHATPLLGGBEFRFIVEKDOLLGARSNANDRFIFSTYGTWOMCENTSKK."
Not only could I not understand her, but there was a second voice coming over the speaker that sounded like someone barking sandwich ingredients across the room....
"CHEESE DOUBLE CHEESE BEEF CHEESE ONION CHEESE BEEF BEEF BEEF!"
"I can't hear you ma'am. What was that?"
"ZZFIVEXKFIFZTYKSIRKK."
I figured, "Screw it, I'll just pull through and check the order when I get to the window."
I got to the window and immediately noticed what was going on.
You know how sometimes when someone has their mouth closed, there's still that tiny little hole between their lips? Like their mouth can't close all of the way unless they really tried and pressed their lips together? Ok.. This lady had the tip of her boom mike in the area of that little hole. If it was any further IN her mouth she would be eating the mike and all we'd be able to hear is "Welcome to Arby's may I CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH...."
Meanwhile, there's this kid with a uni-brow that looks like a cross between an angry horse and a dead something or another screaming out to the kitchen all of the orders as the lady is punching them into the register's touch pad.
I grabbed the bag with the sandwich. I handed my credit card to the lady and looked down into the bag to make sure the sandwich was right.
I looked up and she was already handing me back the credit card.
"Have a nice day" She tells me.
I know she hadn't given me the cup of Coke yet, but I don't like to seem like I'm rushing people (unless I'm trying to get my wife out of the house in the morning) so I didn't say anything, set the bag down on the floor board of the van, put the credit card back in my wallet and put the wallet back in my back pocket. Still no Coke? Ok. It's time to say something.
"Excuse me." Just as those two words leave my mouth, she leans back, grabs a cup of Coke and hands it to me.
"I didn't forget your Coke. It's right here. I didn't forget your Coke. Lordy lordy lordy (something like that.) I didn't forget your Coke."
I just kind of crack a grin and start to take the Coke from her.
Just then, the lid pops off the top. Now I don't know if you guys know about these big plastic Coke cups, but the lid SNAPS on. They don't just POP off like the tops of Big Gulp cups do. This lid was CLEARLY not on.
Now by the time I had a chance to think about what was going on, her hands were off of the cup, one of my hands is fumbling for the lid, and about half of the Coke is spilled down the inside of my door and onto my pants.
Arby's lady says, "I didn't do that. You must've squeezed the cup. My hands weren't even on the cup. Lordy lordy lordy. You must've squeezed the cup."
"I didn't squeeze the cup." I responded, "The lid wasn't even on the damn thing."
Meanwhile uni-brow horse boy is clearly laughing.
"Don't curse at me." She says, "My hands weren't even on the cup. You were holding the cup. It didn't spill when I handed it to you. You were holding the cup."
At this point I just want her to shut up. "Give me some napkins and fill this cup back up and put the lid on it this time."
Uni-brow is now going "Hee haw hee haw.." or whatever sound half man half horse creatures make when they laugh out loud. I start to give him the most evil look I can conjure up.
Arby's lady tilts her head to the side and gives me a bug eyed look. "You best be nice mister! You don't need to be like that. That Coke had a lid on it when I handed it to you. You squeezed it and the lid popped off. That happens. That's not my fault!"
I was through with this BS. With the lid still off of the now half full Coke cup, I chucked the cup into the drive through window and drove off as fast as I could. I don't know how wet Blame Lady and Horse Boy got, but out of the corner of my eye I could see the two of them jump back rather quickly.
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