Before I begin,if you're going to reply to this thread, please try to keep religious comments like thou should respect thy parents out of here if possible please. In my opinion, respect must be earned no matter who they are.
A few months ago, I let my parents borrow close to 3 grand, which was basically my entire savings at the time, to pay some bills so they and the rest of my family can eat, have a place to live, ect. Luckily I'm on a co-op rotation (probably my last and I'm about to go back to school) and not paying for college at the moment, so I was able to lend them the money. At the time I wrote my dad the cheque, I reminded him to get me their tax return as soon as they can because they have for the past three years consistantly given it to me late or I've had to drive over to their place to get it personally since they forgot. The result of this is of course that I file my FAFSA later than I'd like and so the bulk of my finacial aid from school that they can give me have been unsubsidized loans, even though I've got a decent GPA. Of course having parents who earn a "decent" amount of money and the school expecting them to help out when they don't doesn't help either. I don't mind this too much, since this is probably more aid than a lot of the other students are getting, but it irritates me that my parents won't even help me obtain aid by getting certain documents I need to me in time no matter how often I ask. Back before college, my dad cost me close to 5 grand in merit scholarship because he didn't sign some paperwork and mail it off, when I was pretty much guarenteed the scholarship. His excuse? He forgot, he lost the paperwork. I mean is it too much to ask that if they're not going to help me pay for college, then all they should do is not hamper me either. Ever since then, I've signed all my own paperwork when possible (I have his permission to use his signature when needed).
Then, after I've loaned my parents the 3 thousand dollars about two months ago, I find out that they've completed their taxes not long after I asked for a copy of their 1040. It took me over a month of nagging to get a copy of it. I'm currently about 300 miles away and working a lot of hours, so it's not like I can drive over whenever I want to and get it. When I get their 1040, I see that they got a little over $3000 back on their taxes. I thought, cool, this and what I let them borrow should hold them over for a while. Last night, within two months max, they had managed to blow all that money away like it was nothing and asked me if they could borrow another $1000. That's over $6000; I can live close to half a year on that and pay tution. That pissed me off plenty, but because they're my parents and because I have a sister who can't even talk yet living with them, I agree to let them borrow the money. I did see though that if I don't do something, I'd be forever an open ATM to them, so I planned on letting my dad know when he arrived today that I was not happy with the situation.
He arrived, I gave him the cheque and he handed me my mail, which I've been trying to get mailed to me for weeks now, but only when they needed money from me do I get it. Then, before I could say anything, he asks if I could help pay for his truck this month. That's $564.34. I told him straight off that I wasn't sure I even have the money to pay for my own education a month from now (which is the truth). One, I didn't appreciate the way I didn't get my mail, one of which was from the Student Loan Corporation, until they needed money from me. Two, I didn't appreciate the way the amount he asked to borrow increased by so much in so short a time, with no previous notice. Three, this was a good opprotunity to teach a little lesson in personal responsibility, so I told him no. How's my analysis of this situation so far?
I live by my self and pay my own bills by the way, so it's not like my parents are helping me support myself in anyway. Other than finacial aid for school, I'm not taking anything from the government, everything I have, I've worked for. I've tried giving them advice on how to maintain a financial balance before also, and they've continually ignored me (either through sheer stupidity or "Asian pride" being rankled at having their son tell them how to live), so hopefully me not helping them out all the way this time would open their eyes a bit without too much hardship. Plus, I'm not willing to not be able to pay for school next month after having worked 60-80 hours a week and having no social life for three months now. May be a bit selfish, but at some point I've got to think of myself also, since that's all I've been able to depend on so far. (You have no idea how much my guard goes up when I hear flattery or when someone utters the phrase "don't worry, I'll take care of it."
Anyway, I've just given this situation too much thought already and I'm nearly too burnt out from not having enough sleep last night. Anyone have any advice or any new way of analyzing this? This may be a situation where I'll have to go my own way and let everyone else concerned fend for themselves, but if I don't at least try to find alternatives, I'd be no better than those I've sworn never to end up like. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, like I said, I'm willing to cut all ties to everyone I know if that's what it takes for me to survive. Also, I really do think that a lot of what my parents are doing is sheer stupidity at work, but I don't know how to fix that. I could do another co-op rotation with another company in a few months if I have to, but I'd rather not, since I don't know yet how that'd would affect the finacial aids that I've been getting, my student loans, and a few other reasons but this message is quite long enough, sorry about that.
By the way, Outersquares, if you're reading this, I didn't log on till recently, so I didn't get your pm from February till yesterday, but I've answered your question in the monolgue above. Ironic though logging in, getting that pm and having this situation arise on the same day.
A few months ago, I let my parents borrow close to 3 grand, which was basically my entire savings at the time, to pay some bills so they and the rest of my family can eat, have a place to live, ect. Luckily I'm on a co-op rotation (probably my last and I'm about to go back to school) and not paying for college at the moment, so I was able to lend them the money. At the time I wrote my dad the cheque, I reminded him to get me their tax return as soon as they can because they have for the past three years consistantly given it to me late or I've had to drive over to their place to get it personally since they forgot. The result of this is of course that I file my FAFSA later than I'd like and so the bulk of my finacial aid from school that they can give me have been unsubsidized loans, even though I've got a decent GPA. Of course having parents who earn a "decent" amount of money and the school expecting them to help out when they don't doesn't help either. I don't mind this too much, since this is probably more aid than a lot of the other students are getting, but it irritates me that my parents won't even help me obtain aid by getting certain documents I need to me in time no matter how often I ask. Back before college, my dad cost me close to 5 grand in merit scholarship because he didn't sign some paperwork and mail it off, when I was pretty much guarenteed the scholarship. His excuse? He forgot, he lost the paperwork. I mean is it too much to ask that if they're not going to help me pay for college, then all they should do is not hamper me either. Ever since then, I've signed all my own paperwork when possible (I have his permission to use his signature when needed).
Then, after I've loaned my parents the 3 thousand dollars about two months ago, I find out that they've completed their taxes not long after I asked for a copy of their 1040. It took me over a month of nagging to get a copy of it. I'm currently about 300 miles away and working a lot of hours, so it's not like I can drive over whenever I want to and get it. When I get their 1040, I see that they got a little over $3000 back on their taxes. I thought, cool, this and what I let them borrow should hold them over for a while. Last night, within two months max, they had managed to blow all that money away like it was nothing and asked me if they could borrow another $1000. That's over $6000; I can live close to half a year on that and pay tution. That pissed me off plenty, but because they're my parents and because I have a sister who can't even talk yet living with them, I agree to let them borrow the money. I did see though that if I don't do something, I'd be forever an open ATM to them, so I planned on letting my dad know when he arrived today that I was not happy with the situation.
He arrived, I gave him the cheque and he handed me my mail, which I've been trying to get mailed to me for weeks now, but only when they needed money from me do I get it. Then, before I could say anything, he asks if I could help pay for his truck this month. That's $564.34. I told him straight off that I wasn't sure I even have the money to pay for my own education a month from now (which is the truth). One, I didn't appreciate the way I didn't get my mail, one of which was from the Student Loan Corporation, until they needed money from me. Two, I didn't appreciate the way the amount he asked to borrow increased by so much in so short a time, with no previous notice. Three, this was a good opprotunity to teach a little lesson in personal responsibility, so I told him no. How's my analysis of this situation so far?
I live by my self and pay my own bills by the way, so it's not like my parents are helping me support myself in anyway. Other than finacial aid for school, I'm not taking anything from the government, everything I have, I've worked for. I've tried giving them advice on how to maintain a financial balance before also, and they've continually ignored me (either through sheer stupidity or "Asian pride" being rankled at having their son tell them how to live), so hopefully me not helping them out all the way this time would open their eyes a bit without too much hardship. Plus, I'm not willing to not be able to pay for school next month after having worked 60-80 hours a week and having no social life for three months now. May be a bit selfish, but at some point I've got to think of myself also, since that's all I've been able to depend on so far. (You have no idea how much my guard goes up when I hear flattery or when someone utters the phrase "don't worry, I'll take care of it."
Anyway, I've just given this situation too much thought already and I'm nearly too burnt out from not having enough sleep last night. Anyone have any advice or any new way of analyzing this? This may be a situation where I'll have to go my own way and let everyone else concerned fend for themselves, but if I don't at least try to find alternatives, I'd be no better than those I've sworn never to end up like. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, like I said, I'm willing to cut all ties to everyone I know if that's what it takes for me to survive. Also, I really do think that a lot of what my parents are doing is sheer stupidity at work, but I don't know how to fix that. I could do another co-op rotation with another company in a few months if I have to, but I'd rather not, since I don't know yet how that'd would affect the finacial aids that I've been getting, my student loans, and a few other reasons but this message is quite long enough, sorry about that.
By the way, Outersquares, if you're reading this, I didn't log on till recently, so I didn't get your pm from February till yesterday, but I've answered your question in the monolgue above. Ironic though logging in, getting that pm and having this situation arise on the same day.
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