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Anyone mind reviewing my first attempt at a cover letter

A

Arkitech

Diamond Member
I'm trying to land either a computer support job or high tech forensics position at one of the local police departments on my side of town. So I've attempted to put together a resume that specifically targets that area. Anyway the letter I'm posting up is in response to a conversation I had with the police chief yesterday afternoon. Please feel free to rip into it, criticize it or praise it as you see fit.






Joe Legal
Suburban Police Department
12345 Superinformation Highway
Anytown, IL 12345

Dear Chief Joe Legal,

Per our conversation yesterday afternoon I would respectfully like to offer myself as a potential candidate for the computer specialist position. Over the past 9 years I have worked for a variety of companies and clients providing a wide range of support and technical expertise. I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to utilize my experience for the benefit of your department, as I feel that I can provide a number of specialized services for whatever technical tasks that may be available.

In addition to my previous work history I am also currently pursuing certifications in computer forensics and high tech crime prevention. My future career goals lie in eventually serving as a law enforcement official dealing with all aspects of computer related crime. In the event that at this time you may not be able to use my services on a permanent full time basis, I would like to offer my abilities to you in a voluntary capacity. Thank you in advance for taking time to review my resume and I hope that in the near future will we have another opportunity to speak further.


Sincerely,


Arkitech
12345 Needajob Ave.
Anytown, IL 12345
(123) 456-7890
 
Originally posted by: JLGatsby
There's no money in government jobs, why work there?
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I really don't need to make that much, at this point in my life job satisfaction is more important than salary
 
Originally posted by: JLGatsby
Originally posted by: MIKEMIKE
um... theres no money out there for you, you should really end your life.
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That makes no sense.
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it makes as much sense as yours. there are a TON of different ways gov't gives you money when you work for them, much more vacation, better packages, etc. of course it depends where you work.
 
Originally posted by: MIKEMIKE
it makes as much sense as yours. there are a TON of different ways gov't gives you money when you work for them, much more vacation, better packages, etc. of course it depends where you work.
Click to expand...

Fact: You can always make more money in the private sector than in government.
 
Originally posted by: JLGatsby
Originally posted by: MIKEMIKE
it makes as much sense as yours. there are a TON of different ways gov't gives you money when you work for them, much more vacation, better packages, etc. of course it depends where you work.
Click to expand...

Fact: You can always make more money in the private sector than in government.
Click to expand...

gatsby, I think that your attitude toward self employment is really cool. I deffinately want to be my own boss...

but it's not necessary to always tear others down... starting your own busienss isn't for everyone. Not because they can't handle it, it's just not something that interests everyone.

edit: oh and OP, I've never written a cover letter either, but I'm writing one right now, and I'm using yours as a guide...

so, yeah, it sounded good to me 😛
 
Looks pretty good.

1) maybe try to tell the story of exactly what you've done over those 9 years and what you directly learned. Otherwise the first paragraph looks like fluff.

2) Setup direct next steps as a closing - "look forward to hearing from you. I will contact you by x date to investigate our next steps"

Normally it goes like this

1st paragraph - state position and opening and review any contact made. specifically state "I would like to apply for xxx position"

2nd paragraph - tell your story and how it could relate/help and what you've learned

3rd paragraph - closing and show interest, define next steps, indicate that resume is attached for review
 
Originally posted by: dugweb
gatsby, I think that your attitude toward self employment is really cool. I deffinately want to be my own boss...

but it's not necessary to always tear others down... starting your own busienss isn't for everyone. Not because they can't handle it, it's just not something that interests everyone.
Click to expand...

Whoaly smokes. Although I usually go on rants about the benefits of self employment, I never mentioned it in this thread.

"Private sector" simply means working for a company rather than a the government.
 
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