Anyone else have a cruddy holiday?

[fuzzybabybunny]

As some of you know, I have a very bad relationship with my parents, especially my mom. I'm an undergraduate in college, and I live in Ohio. I'm Chinese and an only child.

Over the Thanksgiving break I went to NC to visit my cousin (Erin) and her parents. My parents came as well. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving like the rest of the US so we decided to take a trip to visit some parks like Chimney Rock and the Biltmore Estate (America's largest house). After the Biltmore Estate my cousin and her parents decided to split up with us because they wanted to go back home. My parents and I were planning to drive down the Blue Ridge Parkway and stop at Cherokee, which is right outside Great Smokey Mountains NP.

When we finally got to Cherokee we checked into a hotel and that's when the shit started hitting the fan. I highly value my vacations. I'm a very laid back individual and on vacations I naturally like to, you know, relax. I'm sitting on the bed planning what we're going to do the next day, completely minding my own business and my mom suddenly starts ranting above how inadequate I am. This is literally a room full of silence and then suddenly nag nag nag.

1. Starts comparing me to every other member of our family.

Why can't you be more like your cousin Judy? Look at her, only a year older than you and she went to MIT and now has a good job at a bank. I wish you could be more like her.

Why can't you be more like Erin? She's got a job and she's now supporting her parents. I wish you could be more like her.

Why can't you be more like your cousin Vivian? She's making a fortune in real estate and the family can't be more proud of her. I wish you could be more like her.

2. Starts railing on my photography hobby.

I don't want you spending so much time with your photo things. Every time I see you you always have your camera. Can you do anything else? (She sees me twice a year, and those are on vacations. No shit I have my camera. It's the only time I can really use it for relaxation.) If you're going to do it you must go to the best photography school in the world and be the best photographer in the world. (WTF?! This is my HOBBY!)

3. I'm worried about your life, your business degree, your job prospects, you need to start finding a spouse, look at all your cousins, they already have all these things. What is wrong with you? I wish you were more like your cousins. Why aren't you more like your cousins?

4. Why do you treat me so badly? Look at all your other cousins. They all love their parents and every time I see them they're like a perfect family.

5. nag nag nag nag nag

I'm just sitting there about to explode. My dad is visibly upset because my mom does this EVERY time we're together and he knows how much she hurts me by saying these things. We've told her to stop picking fights with me but she simply sees it as "voicing her concerns." The big problem is that she doesn't let anything go. Once she starts talking she builds upon herself and doesn't stop for literally hours. You need to understand that she's been doing these things for 10 years. I've NEVER had a happy vacation with my parents. Literally every vacation ends in us getting into a huge fight and me getting into the car and taking off for school days early because frankly, school is "vacation" for me, as pathetic as that sounds. At least I don't go mentally insane at school.

So I got ticked off. Without a word, I got up and left the room, and sat downstairs in the lobby until midnight. My dad came down and sat quietly with me for a few moments. I didn't feel like sleeping in the same room as this woman, so I went back upstairs, got my stuff, and slept in the car outside the hotel that night.

That night my dad screamed at my mom. "Why do you always do this to us on vacations?!!"

He threw all of the stuff on the table onto the floor and pointed his finger at my mom and screamed "divorce!"

Everyone on my mom's side and my dad's side think my mom is a complete nutcase. Everyone wants me to come over to their place (California, Seattle, Charlotte, etc) so I can NOT spend time with my mom. *sigh*

Dunno what else to say. This situation is just so old and complex I doubt anyone can truly understand where I'm coming from.

Sad to say this year was pretty much par for the course. Every year I tell myself over and over again that I will NEVER take another vacation with my parents, but they always guilt trip me into doing it, to everyone's severe, severe detriment.

Anyone else have a shit-tastic holiday? At least I didn't have anyone die on me

 

[burntfish]

<--- MySpace

 

[Pepsi90919]

there was no holiday, beat that

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Originally posted by: Pepsi90919
there was no holiday, beat that

You consider what I described a holiday? I would GLADLY trade all this for a week of classes or work.

 

[meltdown75]

I'm guessing you feel better after posting that spiel, which I actually read for some reason.

 

[vi edit]

It started out rough.

We were planning on having around 30 over on Thanksgiving.

Last Sunday we discovered our furnace had been leaking water under the flooring of the basement. Everything was a moldy, disgusting mess. It took until Wednesday for the smell of mold and bleach to finally clear out.

On Thursday we were expecting people to start showing up around 4:00. At 3:00 our well ran dry. No more water. No more flushing toilets. Uhg. In 30 years of history at that home they only had to haul water once. This was the second time. And an hour before one of the largest gathererings we've ever had.

Luckily we were able to chase down a 250 gallon water tank and a truck and ran into town and got a load of water to dump down the well to carry us over.

We made it through that day, but our water softener appears to be completely toast.

Could have been worse, but it was really hectic at a few moments.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
I'm guessing you feel better after posting that spiel, which I actually read for some reason.

Yeah, I'm also feeling better because I'm sitting in the airport with my normal life now in sight.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Originally posted by: vi_edit

Was the get-together itself joyful at least?

 

[vi edit]

I just have to add, last Friday my boss checked into the ER with what she thought was pnuemonia. Turns out she was actually having a heart attack and ended up having open heart surgery at 1:30AM on Saturday morning. She spent Thanksgiving in the ICU at the hospital. I'll take my problems over that any day.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

There is a point where you have to ignore some people in your life and just do what you believe in. If they truly care for you, they'll support you in whatever you try to do as long as it isn't illegal or something.

I have to run, but I'll drop you a PM later, I know what you're talking about.

 

[TecHNooB]

I was at school, cold, and starving on Thanksgiving. I had a great time

 

[Xylitol]

I hear plenty of my asian friend's parents be like that
Sorry to hear about it

 

[MrPickins]

My relationship with my parents is different, but not much better. My solution is to only talk to them on holidays (e-mail or phone call), and visit each other every year or two.

My wife thinks it's sad. Honestly, it doesn't bother me too much.

 

[loup garou]

I was expecting mine to suck -- we went to my gf's brothers' house in NJ and I was tasked with cooking the entire meal. Her brothers are vegetarian and one was whining about being tasked with buying the booze.

I was afraid my gf was going to spend all this money on food and I would spend all this time cooking food they wouldn't eat, and I wouldn't have enough booze to drown my sorrows.

Well, the food turned out fantastic, her brothers loved everything (except the turkey & gravy of course), beer and wine flowed like, well beer and wine, and I had a wonderful cigar from Nat Sherman out on the porch on a chilly night after the meal. We ended up staying an extra day, just loafing around and drinking and eating leftovers Friday evening and leaving Saturday morning.

 

[Miramonti]

Good to hear there is some sanity in your family supporting your cause. Myself I didn't do thanksgiving this year but fortunately don't have the same antagonism in my family when I do.

 

[waggy]

yeah mine sucked.

my mother passed away on the 18th. from full cardiac failure. but she was on machines for a while before that.

while at a restaurant discussing on what to do (while she was on machines) with my sisters. I said i think we should pull her off everything. my mother has said she did not want to be on machines at all (this was 3 days after it happened).

my sister who has power of attorney got mad at me for that. she said the doctor said 24-48 hours is fine. i said it already been past 48 (which he said if they don't wake up 24-48 hours after the cardiac failure odds are they will not). when i argued what the doctor said she snapped "well i have POA and its my decision" i just said OK. no problem and didn't say anything else.

latter she went out to talk on the phone. then my other sister went out to use the restroom. she said to buzz her in when done. well she asked to get buzzed in so i did. she asked me where my other sister is and i replied "don't know and don't care".

well she ran off to tell my other sister what i said. When we left to go back to the hotel (we were sharing a 2 room place) my oldest sister started yelling at me for the remark. she kept saying i was arguing about the decision. i said "no i am not arguing about the decision, you pu tme in my place"

of course she got madder. she said something about respecting my decision which i replied " no sam (her name) you do not. in fact you have not shown me respect ever" (which she has not its a long story). oh man that did it. she hit full scale bitch mode. she started yelling and said something like "fuck you. find your own ride and get your own motel room"

So what i do? i started looking for my own room. ended up staying with my cousin. which pissed off my sister more.

after my mother passed away i got the first flight out of Oregon. only to find out when i got back either someone at delta stole my laptop or i forgot it at my cousins (i did call her and she said they didn't see it).

great holiday eh?

 

[AmpedSilence]

i have basically gotten the same thing from my dad since i was in 10th grade. I have learned to shake my head and say uhhuh, ignoring him and moving on with my life.

 

[roguerower]

I had a pretty good time for the most part. Stayed for home football game and then drove to godparents in PA. They were great but their kids almost drove me to killing. Un-civil as hell to each other in an almost spiteful way. Boy is passive aggressive like woah and the girl is going through the "i'm 13 and therefore i'm right about everything...gosh *rolls eyes* you never let me do anything fun."

Example...sitting down for dinner which with my family is usually a good time, starts kinda slow but by the end everyone is usually laughing over something, etc. These guys start at it from the get go and don't start. It's the boys bday and the girl wanted to go out w/ some friends to go bowling. Parents were hesitant b/c she's only 13 and it's a big alley. So finally comes down to i'll go with the boy since i'm 20 and can keep an eye out both of them.

So we get in car, the dad is gonna drive us there...well along the way dad says he's gonna sit with us (me and boy) while we play since alley is 15minutes away and since girl is only gonna be there for an hour it'd be pointless to make 4 trips. Girl absolutely goes into a hissy and lets drop that she promised her friends that her parents wouldn't come....this peaks dad's antennae and he's like tough shit, i'm going, if you don't like it we'll turn around and go back home. She whines and he turns the car around. I almost felt like throttling her.

But other than that lots of turkey and VT #6 so it's all good.

 

[intogamer]

Your mom is treating you like you're in HS. Just like when you're a teenager, you branch off and challenge your parents.

You're mom hasn't seen worse stuff yet, she sees you as worse. Do you have a lot of Asians in Ohio? You're probably an outcast Asian living in Ohio.

She is just complaining FTL are you doing anything bad by going photography?

 

[FoBoT]

that sucks
i recommend you cut her off completely for a period of time

it might be a few months or a few years, but don't see or communicate with her at all. maybe she'll figure out she has issues she needs to fix

good luck :sun:

 

[magomago]

have you ever sat down and really voiced all these concerns to your mom in a very serious way? Ie: without hours around you?

I really don't see it as bugging...I know she wants the best for you and you have to appreciate that as well. She just doesn't know how to convey it right....
I'm kind of the same way (Although I don't compare..but rather I always keep telling them what they could do better) with my siblings to a much lesser degree...but that is because when I go home I just see them playing games all day and not studying (Which is probably the same as you - when I come home is only during breaks )

 

[HannibalX]

waggy, sorry to here that. I have been in similar family messes like that.

My wife flew down to FL to see her family. I stayed here in TN because I can't stand her white trash family, neither can she - she ended up walking out on them after her mother whipped her grandchild with a belt. My wife didn't say anything, she just looked at all of them and left. She went to stay with my mother for the rest of her trip.

I was home alone on Thanksgiving so I watched some TV and went to bed early. Weee..

 

[soydios]

I know *exactly* what you're going through. My dad is equivalent to your mom. For me, he's easy to get along with over the phone, but extremely difficult on a day-to-day basis. I was very relieved to get off to college, out of his easy grasp (he sent me off to college by basically taking away all my priveleges, like the car, for the last three days before I left).

Cest la vie.

I've concluded that what he thinks only matters to me in passing. Learn from their mistakes, and go out and prove to yourself and the world what you are capable of.

 

[Jschmuck2]

:'( What I don't understand is, why do parents do this to the people who will control whether or not they get put in a home at 75?

 

[Dacalo]

That sucks OP. I kind of know what you are talking about. My mom used to be like that, but not that severe when I was in high school. She stopped doing that once I got into college. She is very understanding now, and we get along great. I think your mom just wants you to succeed but is not communicating that effectively.