Anyone adopt?

[Rogue]

My wife (25) and I (28) just adopted her niece from a bad family situation. We won temporary custody in court and will get final custody next month, provided the biological father doesn't come forward. The mother has relinquished rights to the child to her grandmother who gave the child to her daughter (my wife's mother) who realized she couldn't care for her in her current situation/relationship.

My wife and I don't have any kids of our own (yet) and decided that we needed to do something. She just turned five last month. Needless to say, it has been a challenge becoming a parent literally overnight. She's a good kid and intelligent to boot, but up until now has not had to really live in a disciplined, structured environment. She has a tendency to lie and manipulate to get things, but we're slowly getting rid of those traits through some tough love.

Anyway, has anyone else here adopted before and/or been adopted and what do I have to look forward to? Any input would be appreciated at this point.

 

[LeetViet]

As a poster who was originally a kid, my advice is to stick by whatever you say and lead by example.

 

[FelixDeCat]

Good luck to both of you, and thanks for adopting. It was the right thing to do in light of todays problems of pollution, over population, abandoned kids, etc. :thumbsup:

 

[Kibbo]

No kids here, but something I see my friends sometimes do and I judge from the easy position of not having kids is not being consistent.

Make sure you and your wife consult on EVERY decision, whether it is permissions or dicipline.

Make lots of guidelines, and make sure you talk alot about updating them. Don't do it for her, do it for each other. And remember to compromise (with each other, not her). The worst mistake I've seen my peers do w/r/t parenting is not sorting things out properly with their partners.

 

[Chaotic42]

I was adopted by my grandparents. It can be awkward, especially when others in your family are in contact with the parents.

:beer: for you for doing a good thing.

 

[Rogue]

Originally posted by: Kibbo
No kids here, but something I see my friends sometimes do and I judge from the easy position of not having kids is not being consistent.

Make sure you and your wife consult on EVERY decision, whether it is permissions or dicipline.

Make lots of guidelines, and make sure you talk alot about updating them. Don't do it for her, do it for each other. And remember to compromise (with each other, not her). The worst mistake I've seen my peers do w/r/t parenting is not sorting things out properly with their partners.

The wife and I discuss nearly all decisions and I feel obligated sometimes to do so more than if she were ours biologically, mostly because she is technically my wife's family. Guess I've got to get past that though.

It should be noted also that she was born with cocaine (read: crack) in her bloodstream, but developmentally is very intelligent. She cries a lot for very small things (getting her hair brushed, firm tone of voice at her, etc.), however, I think that is how she was used to getting things she wanted, by turning on the tears. We also realize that although she's not quite old enough to reason out all her emotions, that there is a degree of loss/grief from leaving the only person she knew as her mother (my wife's mother, my mother-in-law).

 

[nageov3t]

I've always figured that if I ever have kids, I'll just buy their love. parenting seems so hard

jk.

I have no advice to offer, but good luck it sounds like you and your wife did a pretty great thing.

 

[ResiduaL]

IF you want to talk Adoption, lemme know.

I'm 20 years old and my parents adopted a total of 8 kids.

6 of us are from South Korea, one's from China and the other was adopted from some agency in Las Vegas, Nevada. He's Caucasian.

I've been around adoption groups, functions, camps, and other families since I was 3 months.

PM me if you'd like and I"ll try and answer whatever you throw at me.

 

[LtPage1]

this is a good forum from which to get advice on parenting. lots of old people and kids alike.

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

Don't look at her as someone else's kid who you are taking care of. Treat her like she came from your blood, and recognize that you're bound to her the same way you would be to a child that was borne right from your wife.

Should be smooth sailing from there.

 

[SearchMaster]

Be careful with birth parent interaction. A good friend of ours (and her husband) adopted her nephew at about the age of five. His dad was in jail from holding up a convenience store and his mom was a crackho (seriously - was a fat tub of goo and lost at least 200 lbs in about 8 months). He is a very bright kid, but has a lot of scars. You can bank on it - whenever he visits his father's mother, she takes him to prison to see his father...then it is guaranteed that the kid will get in trouble in school the next week. The birth parents have no legal rights at this point and I personally believe they are causing more harm than good in the child's life.