Any inter-racial, inter-faith couples here?

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F

fallenangel99

Golden Member
Aug 8, 2001
1,721
1
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Me: Indian Christian, Her: Russian Jew.

We have been dating for 3 years and she asked me what our future goals were. Of course, I wanted to marry her and all that but obviously, I see my parents/relatives having a problem with marrying outside the community (race and religion). They think the cultural values will die if I marry outside. My point was that I'm Westernized as can be and my kids will be even more; They are not going to want to go to India or speak the native tongue, etc.

She won't convert or get married in a church, which I understand and we agreed on a neutral place with both Priest and Rabbi attending. I know my parents are going to HATE this as this is very embarrassing for them. Also, when we have kids, she doesn't want Baptism, I do.. but I dunno, there is no compromise here.

Anyway, I hate to throw away our 3 year relationship for something that happens on ONE day (the wedding day). I want to be happy, not my parents.

Thanks. :)



Cliff:

Any inter-racial, inter-faith couples here?

1) If so how, how did you get past the family problems?
2) Where is marriage taking place? Hall?Church?Temple?
3) To baptize or not
 
L

Lola

I can understand your worry and frustration.
Although we sometimes want to make our parents happy, we forget about ourselves. Hopefully, your parents love you enough and her parents the same that even if they are upset at first.

this is your life and hers. remember that.
 
Chunkee

Chunkee

Lifer
Jul 28, 2002
10,391
1
81
it depends on what your priorities are..and whether or not either of you love each other....

however, faith is a stronghold that destroys many relationships...odd isnt it...something that was supposed to unite men/women in brotherly love...has cast such shadows of permanence in hatred, judgment and self-righteousness

jC
 
iamwiz82

iamwiz82

Lifer
Jan 10, 2001
30,772
13
81
She won't convert or get married in a church, which I understand and we agreed on a neutral place with both Priest and Rabbi attending. I know my parents are going to HATE this as this is very embarrassing for them. Also, when we have kids, she doesn't want Baptism, I do.. but I dunno, there is no compromise here.
Click to expand...

If her feelings are that strong, I don't forsee this working out.
 
Aikouka

Aikouka

Lifer
Nov 27, 2001
30,383
912
126
Just have a marriage outside in a nice serene place with both priest and rabbi attending. It's not "bad" to do so nor is there a mandate in the Bible that you have to get married in a certain place. Also, there's no rule on having to be baptized to go to heaven in the Bible, so don't worry about either of them.

Although with your mentioning of a priest, it sounds like you're Catholic, which means to you, you do get all that B.S. about baptism being necessary :Q.
 
R

RKS

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
6,824
3
81
I am indian/hindu married 6 years to a cockAsian (sic) catholic. I actually try to teach my kids (3 and 1) hindi but English is my native language. I was born/raised in a western country so India is an exotic land to me.

edit: we had a Hindu wedding on a Friday and a Catholic wedding(sans Mass) on Saturday. My parents, as well as hers, were very hesitant/opposed. Now everytime they see their grandsons they are overjoyed that we are around.

BTW: One son was baptized, the other will be. FWIW they probably go to a Hindu temple every week with my parents and go to church on Easter and Christmas only. We also plan on sending them to a Catholic schools mostly for the better academic record.
 
amddude

amddude

Golden Member
Mar 9, 2006
1,711
1
81
Sounds like trouble down the road. Opposites attract, but people who have similar interests seem to stay together.
 
leftyman

leftyman

Diamond Member
Sep 15, 2000
7,076
3
81
Originally posted by: fallenangel99
Me: Indian Christian, Her: Russian Jew.


There is like what? About 100 of each ethnicity in your respective countries ;)
Click to expand...
 
F

fallenangel99

Golden Member
Aug 8, 2001
1,721
1
81
I am MarThoma Christian (Christians from the state of Kerala, India - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar_thoma). We do love each other a lot and want to be with each other. Like I mentioned before, we don't want to break up over religion - even though both of us are not religious at all (other than the usual Holiday celebrations).

She won't convert, and I won't convert either. Both of us are proud of our backgrounds and want it to stay that way. If/When we do have kids, we plan on teaching both values and go from there. I don't mind the circumcision (although skin is better during sex ;) ), bar/bat mitzvah, etc. Trust me, if it wasn't for my parents, I would barely go to church at all.

RKS, I like the idea of two weddings - but then again, I can see all the headaches that come with it. I'll talk to her and see what she thinks about that.

Yeah, Religion - small part of both of our lives, but very strong on that one day.

P.S.: You guys don't want to even hear the stuff spewing out of my mom's mouth about white people - white girls will steal your money, cheat on you, leave you when you're sick, etc. Makes for a good Oprah episode. :)
 
dabuddha

dabuddha

Lifer
Apr 10, 2000
19,579
17
81
Originally posted by: fallenangel99
Me: Indian Christian, Her: Russian Jew.

We have been dating for 3 years and she asked me what our future goals were. Of course, I wanted to marry her and all that but obviously, I see my parents/relatives having a problem with marrying outside the community (race and religion). They think the cultural values will die if I marry outside. My point was that I'm Westernized as can be and my kids will be even more; They are not going to want to go to India or speak the native tongue, etc.

She won't convert or get married in a church, which I understand and we agreed on a neutral place with both Priest and Rabbi attending. I know my parents are going to HATE this as this is very embarrassing for them. Also, when we have kids, she doesn't want Baptism, I do.. but I dunno, there is no compromise here.

Anyway, I hate to throw away our 3 year relationship for something that happens on ONE day (the wedding day). I want to be happy, not my parents.

Thanks. :)



Cliff:

Any inter-racial, inter-faith couples here?

1) If so how, how did you get past the family problems?
2) Where is marriage taking place? Hall?Church?Temple?
3) To baptize or not
Click to expand...



It's not just one day though. You're already noticing differences as far as what your wants are for your children. You want to baptize, she doesn't. This problem won't go away on its own so I'd recommend figuring it out before tying the knot.
You don't want to give in only to resent her 5 years down the line.
 
D

DaShen

Lifer
Dec 1, 2000
10,710
1
0
Trust me, usually there are major issues when it comes down to differences in core beliefs. I know a few inter-faith marriages, and they have many issues. It affect the kids a lot, too. Inter-racial relationships have not as many problems (sometimes culture clashes but otherwise understandable). Inter-faith relationships seldom work out. Just letting you know. Try to get some marriage counseling because you really will have to talk all this stuff out with her. Best of luck to you.
 
B

bcterps

Platinum Member
Aug 31, 2000
2,795
0
76
You both need to figure out how much your faith affects your lives, and need to make the decision to put each other before faith, or put faith before each other, there is no middle ground. Once you figure that out, you'll know whether you can continue with this relationship. From what you've written, it sounds like faith > the other person (not a bad thing IMO), which means that this relationship probably isn't going to work out.
 
F

fallenangel99

Golden Member
Aug 8, 2001
1,721
1
81
Lol, my mom registered and is looking for brides at a matrimonial site. I can't wait to reject every one of them...
 
D

D22

Senior member
Nov 13, 2004
396
0
0
I'm a white male and pretty much only date black females. I'm also atheist and tend to date christians. It has never caused a problem though. Then again, if I ever do get married I think I want to get married under a full moon in a graveyard, or maybe in front of Microsoft headquarters, one or the other, so that may cause issues.
 
D

DanFungus

Diamond Member
Jul 27, 2001
5,857
0
0
Things might come up later on that you don't think of now. Having a (first-generation) indian father and a white mother made my sister's life a living hell when she started dating because of the culture clash.
 
amish

amish

Diamond Member
Aug 20, 2004
4,295
6
81
Originally posted by: robphelan
i'm Catholic and my wife's the devil.. does that count?
Click to expand...

good one...unfortunately i'm right there with you.
 
Y

yowolabi

Diamond Member
Jun 29, 2001
4,183
2
81
Originally posted by: amddude
Sounds like trouble down the road. Opposites attract, but people who have similar interests seem to stay together.
Click to expand...

Interests change through the years. The desire and ability to compromise is what's key.
 
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