Any adopted children out there ever contact your birth parents?

[AAjax]

Hi all,
I am an adopted child who is thinking about trying to find out who my birth parents are/were. I have allways kind of wondered as I have allways known I was adopted (I was adopted at 10 months old)
I was worried my adoptive parents might be put off by the idea but after talking to them about it they are very supportive of the idea.

I was wondering if anyone in ATOT has had experiance with this, and a couple questions

1) How did you go about it?

2) Were you glad you did it?

3) If you had it to do again would you?


Thanks for any input/help

Jax

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Though I 'm not in that situation.. My mom was a foster parent when I was younger and her last foster child was my brother. My family adopted him when he was 3 years old, but hes been in our family since 3 months old and has known all his life. He's not quite old enough to go looking for his biological parents on his own just yet. Only 15. But My family intends to be very supportive of his decision to look when he's ready.

 

[Yax]

I bet you liked Hercules, the Disney Version.

Anyway, go for it. Even if they're dead or don't want you, at least you'll satisfy your curiosity. Maybe something good will come out of it. But then again, maybe they'll turn out to be leechers and constantly call you to ask for money. In any case, it will settle your mind.

 

[0roo0roo]

i consider it disloyal, opening a can of worms you shouldn't bother with if your happy with your parents. wait till they die.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
i consider it disloyal, opening a can of worms you shouldn't bother with if your happy with your parents. wait till they die.

Why would it be disloyal? Your parents know you love them.. I know my brother loves us. I'd want for him to know who his birth parents are if thats what he wanted. I even know the circumstances around him being in foster care and trust me they weren't for very good things. But I still feel if thats what he wanted to do then so be it. She did give birth to him. She was young and stupid.

You dont know the reasons behind someone giving their child up for adoption. A lot of birth parents want to meet their grown children as well, but are afraid of interferring in the childs life so they wait for the child to make the first move.

It's not like he's going to stop loving his adoptive family just because he finds someone who gave birth to him.

 

[0roo0roo]

perhaps.. or perhaps thats the feel good way of looking at things. perhaps an adopted child shouldn't put such a psychological burden on their parents. driving a small wedge in the family that everyone has to try to look past..trying to be good people.. better not to put them in that situation in the first place. be grateful you have parents at all, and leave it at that. its sort of selfish, whats good for me, not whats good for my family.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
perhaps.. or perhaps thats the feel good way of looking at things. perhaps an adopted child shouldn't put such a psychological burden on their parents. driving a small wedge in the family that everyone has to try to look past..trying to be good people.. better not toput them in that situation in the first place. be grateful you have parents at all, and leave it at that. its sort of selfish, whats good for me, not whats good for my family.

I see your point.. But its also good to know because of health purposes. Youd like to know what their medical history is so that if you know if youd have a disposition to get the same thing. Which in turn makes it a selfless choice as well as a selfish choice because you'll know whats up and be able to spend more time with your family lol

 

[Chaotic42]

Nope, no desire to. They never contacted me. I was adopted by my maternal grandparents, so it's not like they don't know where I am. I could only handle talking to my mother, I'd be too anxious to punch my father if I saw him.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: AAjax
Hi all,
I am an adopted child who is thinking about trying to find out who my birth parents are/were. I have allways kind of wondered as I have allways known I was adopted (I was adopted at 10 months old)
I was worried my adoptive parents might be put off by the idea but after talking to them about it they are very supportive of the idea.

I was wondering if anyone in ATOT has had experiance with this, and a couple questions

1) How did you go about it?

2) Were you glad you did it?

3) If you had it to do again would you?


Thanks for any input/help

Jax

Hi Jax,

I was just thinking about starting a thread on this topic the other day! I was adopted as an infant and was able to track down my birth parents. Found my birth mother in 2000, when I was 30, and my birth father last summer. I was really mostly interested in getting a health history, but ended up getting to know them fairly well.

1) How: Oregon passed a law about 1999 allowing original birth certificates to be obtained by adoptees. From there, I basically did some cyber-stalking. I can give you the details of the search if you would like. I have specific tips and contacts you might want.

2) Glad? Yes. Although my birth mother is pretty messed up, I found two half-sibs (one on each side) who are wonderful, and found out that my birth father wanted me (she ran off and gave me up without his permission.) Again, I can give you more details if you want.

3) Do it again? Absolutely.


Serena

 

[McCarthy]

nm

 

[AAjax]

Thanks for everyones input, I have definately felt every side of whats been discussed here so far. I am very very happy with my parents, I couldnt dream of having any better. Im not looking for more, thats for sure. However it would be interesting to meet someone who was an actual blood relation.

Ill let you all know how it works out

Jax

 

[Bryophyte]

Feel free to pm me if you want any search tips. Good luck.

I didn't feel any interest in finding my birth family until I looked at my first child for the first time and realized that I had just seen my first blood relative in my whole life.

 

[AAjax]

Dropped you a pm

 

[Bryophyte]

I'll do some research/remembering and pm you back (prob tomorrow)

 

[AAjax]

Thank you

 

[brxndxn]

Your real parents are the ones that raised you. Why make them feel illegitimite by going in search of some random fantasy parents. Your parents took care of you, spent money on you, spent time with you, invested infinite amounts of love into you, etc.

I know that if I was adopted, I would never even think about the ones that gave me away. I agree with the others that say going in search of your real parents is an unnecessary can of worms.

 

[Regine]

I guess my situation is not quite the same.

I never met my biological father. He left my mother after he got her pregnant and I guess she didn't want any contact with him.

My stepfather adopted me when I was 15, and I have no desire to meet my real father. He never bothered to see or contact me even though he knows my mother had me.

I guess he is also in Germany still, so I don't know how hard it would be contacting him. But like I said, I have no desire to do so.

If I did not know both parents, I guess the situation would be different.

 

[NeoV]

Hey brxndxn, if you weren't adopted you don't understand, so please don't be judgemental about how you would feel or what you would do.

Myself, my brother, and my sister were all adopted as my parents were unable to have children of their own. They were arranged before we were even born, so they are the only parents we have ever known, and I can't imagine that any parents could have ever taken care of us as well as they did, biological or not. However, it is a completely natural reaction to be curious about your birth parents - in fact, it would be unatural not to! My brother, who is 37, just found his birth mother in the past year, and its not like he abandonded our mom and dad, he simply wanted to talk to them out of curiosity - they are very far apart, geographically, so he has not met her in person, but they have talked on the phone several times and he was pretty excited to learn some things about how he came to be adopted, that he has a biological brother...

No real harm done to anyone.

 

[Ogg]

My adoptive parents grabbed me in England (Dad was stationed there in the USAF) when I was just an infant and so they are all Ive ever known. They always were very open and honest with me and gave me lots of info about my biological parents too. Havent looked for them though as I dont really have the desire too. I love my family!!!!!
But I do know that I come from a colorful English family with lots of history.........Im a SINCLAIR by birth

:beer:

 

[rudder]

Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
i consider it disloyal, opening a can of worms you shouldn't bother with if your happy with your parents. wait till they die.

I wouldn't call it disloyal at all. People give up children for adoption for many reasons. His natural parents may be too ashamed at what they did, but would welcome his presence in thier lives now. However there is no way to tell and you must be emotionally ready for anything, including rejection.

 

[AAjax]

Originally posted by: rudder

Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
i consider it disloyal, opening a can of worms you shouldn't bother with if your happy with your parents. wait till they die.

I wouldn't call it disloyal at all. People give up children for adoption for many reasons. His natural parents may be too ashamed at what they did, but would welcome his presence in thier lives now. However there is no way to tell and you must be emotionally ready for anything, including rejection.

Well, as stated in my original post I was worried about my parents being put off by the idea, but they are very supportive of looking up my birth parents. I was born in 1968 and my parents belive my birth father was serving in vietnam and might have been KIA and that perhaps being a reason for my adoption (though I do know my birth parents were not married)
In any case my parents have provided me with all my adoption papers and such in an effort to help out.

Thanks for everyone's input

Jax