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Another stolen joke (for the Guinness lovers out there)

M

Mookow

Lifer
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my, dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
 
Originally posted by: CtK
i dont drink
so why is it funny??
Click to expand...


Just sort of like the Guinness drinkers are the heavy/die-hard drinkers that love their beer. Not much to really get.




KeyserSoze
 
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
 
An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.

The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.

The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."
 
Originally posted by: Mwilding
An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.

The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.

The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."
Click to expand...

ahhahahaha 😀 8/10
 
Originally posted by: Isshinryu
A real man woulda drunk his way out of the vat. 🙂
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That reminds me of the joke about the Irishman who fell into a vat of Jameson, it goes something like this:

A father and son were discussing their family history. The son wanted to know how his uncle Pat died. His father told him "Well, son, sad to say, but your uncle Pat drowned."
"Was he swimming in the ocean when he drowned?"
"Well, no. You see, he worked at the Jameson distillery, and one day he fell into a giant vat of Jameson that was waiting to be bottled."
"Didn't his co-workers see him and try to save him?"
"Yes, son, they did. But your uncle fought them off bravely."
"Hmmm.... well, where is he buried?"
"He wasnt buried, he was cremated. And every fireman in the county attended that event"
"Wow dad, how many fireman friends did Unlce Pat have that they all showed up for that?"
"None, but they spent three days trying to put out the fire."
 
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
 
Originally posted by: Gooberlx2
haha....it's even funnier if you read it allowed to yourself in a pathetic irish accent.
Click to expand...

Are you tryring to type in an Irish accent? Because I dont think the Irish pronounce "out loud" as "allowed".

😛
 
Originally posted by: KeyserSoze
Originally posted by: CtK
i dont drink
so why is it funny??
Click to expand...


Just sort of like the Guinness drinkers are the heavy/die-hard drinkers that love their beer. Not much to really get.
Click to expand...

If he doesn't get that one, just leave him be.
 
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