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And you thought only tech helpdesk guys got wacky calls... get a load of this client question

glenn1

glenn1

Lifer
Got this one the other day, Lord how i hate tax season....

"I have a show class dog, and he's won some cash prizes in contests and from advertisements... can i file his income under his own seperate return so that i don't get bumped up to the next tax bracket?"



So what's the craziest/stupidest question you've ever been asked at work?


 
"Yes, I see you have a monitor in Computer Shopper for $129.00"

"Why yes, we do"

"does that include the internet? I need to get the internet."

"Umm.. err.. no, it doesn't, it's simply what DISPLAYS the internet."

"So.. it's NOT inside it?"

ARGH!
 
I work at a "brew-on-premise" place (wine and beer making) part time. A guy was bottling his beer, the bottler didn't seal with the top of the bottle properly causing an air leak, and it started hissing as the bottler tried to pressurize the bottle. I re-seated the bottle, and told him he could continue.

Him: But doesn't that mean there's air in the bottle now???

Me: Uh, yeah...

Him: But isn't that bad?

Me: Uh, no, actually, we're sorta lucky that happens, or else we'd all be dead.

Him: *blank stare*

Me: There's supposed to be air in there...

Him: Okay. *continues bottling and drinking*

🙂
 
stupidity must be the most contagious disease in the world

So True.

This doesn?t quite fit the topic, but its funny anyway.

I?m a painting contractor, and this homeowner shows up the other day at her new house while were painting away.

The contract calls for two coats on the walls, she asks us if were on 2nd coat yet.
I tell her yes we are and that we were putting the second coat of paint on first.
I then tell her that if we put the second coat on first that the first that it will go on nicer and last longer.

She says she didn?t know you could do it that way, but if it was going to make the first coat last longer she was all for it.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud.
 
it would have to be "Do you have any vegan wheat and sugar free lowfat muffins?". I worked at a vegetarian restaurant but come on!! and we only sold 4 kinds of muffins too. not like it was a friggen muffin factory.

oh and i liked the customer at the outdoor store that i worked for that needed a jacket for sailing. This lady had lots of money to spend and needed a waterproof jacket. I showed her probably 15 different ones but she wanted one that looked cool but was only windproof. I told her in so many different ways that she will get wet with it on and then very cold. She didn't care, it matched her purse so she wanted it. Who the hell wears a purse sailing?! She never did get a sailing jacket but i hope she likes the one she got.

oh and i love it when a customer tries to barter with me on a price. When i worked at an icecream store i got people talking down the price of a scoop. One person was so presistant that I told them "NO WAY, NO HOW, will you get me to give you a deal so just GO AWAY."
 


<< oh and i love it when a customer tries to barter with me on a price. >>



Yeah I always hated it. The sad thing is I worked in a computer store so people expected it. (Back in the day of a $2500 price tag for a normal computer major discounts were common) I actually had stupid people come in and try to get me to lower a price on a $400 computer. When I told them we were taking a loss on the system and there was nothing at all I could do they still didn't believe me.

I always hated the people that refused to buy something unless I gave them something for free. I've upset quite a few people that way, and those people ruin my day. There is a price tag with the listings of what comes in the computer right there. Thats the price, if I got laid last night MAYBE I'll give you a discount. But thats the price we're selling the computer for. Either take it or leave it, don't waste my time with this petty discount crap.
 
The best from my old job:
Guest: "Are any of these cheesecakes Non-dairy?"
Me: "Key word: CHEESE."
(This is the Cheesecake Factory, not the Tofu-Rama-Mart for Lactose intolerant feebs like you.)

Guest: "Um, the Chicken Piccatta you have....now is that a chicken dish?"
Me: "Would you be happier if I told you it was processed squid nads that *looked* like chicken??"
 
I've been working this support case with this customer for a couple days where he's seeing random data corruption.

After SEVERAL DAYS of working this issue, he tells me his hard drive is "making funny noises."

AAARRRGGGHHH!
 
I worked as a Combat Engineer (Demolitions) during the Gulf War. I had one guy call up shortly after the Iraqis lit up their own refineries. He had an ideo to chopper in a "cap" to stop those fires. He even brought in a full blown presentation into my office. It was really hard to explain to him, "Great!, but you realize that I'm a lowly Buck Sergeant pushing papers and you need to talk with the Corps of Engineers that a Civil Engineers."

Then, I had 2 or so guys in that same timeframe that wanted to get back in.


One was 52 and one was 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 


<< I've been working this support case with this customer for a couple days where he's seeing random data corruption.

After SEVERAL DAYS of working this issue, he tells me his hard drive is "making funny noises."

AAARRRGGGHHH! >>

I know how that goes. I was troubleshooting a member not being able to get to websites and after about 30 minutes we got an error and I told him he would have to call Gateway to get that fixed because it was interfering with the troubleshooting. He then informs me that when he called him two days ago for other problems as well as this one they said the only way to fix the system would be to reinstall Windows because it was pretty much fried. He also said more than one person had told him that.

What is worse is some people keep calling hoping to get a different answer. I had one lady like that, it has been so long ago I forget the problem or the solution, but after I made the suggestion she said "You are the tenth person to tell me that." I was stunned. I felt like screaming at her.
 
I was helping a guy dock his new boat once at work. i got the bow tied off for him and he was swinging it stern in when for who knows what reason, he decide to slam one of the throttles forward. He came pretty close to taking me and the gas pump out. I'd still like to know what the hell he was trying to do there. You'd think they'd give people a "road test" before giving them the license. Then again, he may not have had one(didn't need it)

m00se
 
I'm not bashing my friend here... just his total ignorance of processors/heat sinks



I was fixing his 750mhz Athlon computer.. He told me that it was always unstable and that his friends that 'knew a lot about computers' were telling him that his hard drive was corrupted.


I decided to check the ram to see if it was being timed too fast.. Then I took a look at the processor.. It had a 1/8" gap between the processor and the heatsink! I told him that that was his problem... He told me that he thought there was supposed to be a space between it and that the little knobs on the heat sink (the knobs that fit in the holes on the processor) were spacers that keep it spaced apart..

Then, he thought I was the craziest person on earth when I pulled out some Arctic Silver and put it between his processor and heatsink... "Holy crap! You have stuff that's made to go between the processor and heat sink! That's crazy!"
 
AARRGGHHH!

Okay... customer is running Windows 2000 SP2. He installs a DVD ROM drive. Things are happy.

He decides to turn on DMA mode in PowerDVD, reboots and the machine blue screens.

So far, typical support call type thing.

So customer decides that doing an ERD repair would somehow help.
That didn't help, so he decided to make BIOS changes.

So, let's see here... a registry change caused a blue screen, but customer decides that running an ERD repair and BIOS settings are going to fix it? AAAARRRGGGHHHH!
 
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