Subject: Warranty Card
This was actually posted as a joke very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Col. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
First Name: _________________________
Initial: _______
Last Name: _________________________
Password: _________________________ (Max. 8 char.)
Code Name: _________________________
Latitude: _________________________
Longitude: _________________________
Altitude: _________________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ____ /_____ /____
4. Serial Number: _________________________________
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Illegally diverted arms shipment
[_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] The Damn French would not give Me/My Junta any more arms credits
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not including Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] CD Player
[_] Nerve Gas
[_] Home Computer
[_] Cluster Bombs
[_] Bombproof Concrete Bunker
[_] Nuclear Weapons (includes ?enhanced radiation? or neutron devices)
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply.)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed Despot
[_] Neutral (Please use back of card to explain. This may severely limit on-site warranty repair service)
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical / Mistress of The Generalissimo
[_] Mercenary / Close friend of The Generalissimo
[_] Tyrant / Generalissimo
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / Military General
[_] Retired / Deposed Generalissimo
[_] Student / Student Radical
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / Sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / Jogging
[_] Propaganda / Disinformation
[_] Destabilization / Overthrow
[_] Defaulting on French Arms Loans
[_] Gardening / Exotic Botanical Exports
[_] Crafts / Black Ops.
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / Ear Collections
[_] Watching sports on TV / Fixing Sporting Matches
[_] Wines / Neurotoxins
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutual Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand-new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Do you have comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDonnell Douglas Corporation
Marketing Department: Military Aerospace Division
EDIT: This was e-mailed to me by a military friend.
This was actually posted as a joke very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Col. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
First Name: _________________________
Initial: _______
Last Name: _________________________
Password: _________________________ (Max. 8 char.)
Code Name: _________________________
Latitude: _________________________
Longitude: _________________________
Altitude: _________________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ____ /_____ /____
4. Serial Number: _________________________________
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Illegally diverted arms shipment
[_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] The Damn French would not give Me/My Junta any more arms credits
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not including Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] CD Player
[_] Nerve Gas
[_] Home Computer
[_] Cluster Bombs
[_] Bombproof Concrete Bunker
[_] Nuclear Weapons (includes ?enhanced radiation? or neutron devices)
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply.)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed Despot
[_] Neutral (Please use back of card to explain. This may severely limit on-site warranty repair service)
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical / Mistress of The Generalissimo
[_] Mercenary / Close friend of The Generalissimo
[_] Tyrant / Generalissimo
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / Military General
[_] Retired / Deposed Generalissimo
[_] Student / Student Radical
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / Sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / Jogging
[_] Propaganda / Disinformation
[_] Destabilization / Overthrow
[_] Defaulting on French Arms Loans
[_] Gardening / Exotic Botanical Exports
[_] Crafts / Black Ops.
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / Ear Collections
[_] Watching sports on TV / Fixing Sporting Matches
[_] Wines / Neurotoxins
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutual Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand-new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Do you have comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDonnell Douglas Corporation
Marketing Department: Military Aerospace Division
EDIT: This was e-mailed to me by a military friend.
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