AnandTech Moderator and The Legend of The Batcave
Alas! The batcave has been penetrated and I have returned with photos!
For two years straight I have made it my hobby, no my obsession, to track down the man we call Anandtech Moderator. For two years straight I have tracked, hunted, and searched around the globe for a clue of this mysterious man. For two years I have stalked his every move and his every thought, and last night I have accomplished what I was born to do. Ladies and Gentlemen I have penetrated the inner defenses of the batcave and was heroically able to return with photos for all to see. Some are not of the best quality, some are dead on clear. Some will shock, and others not so. But, one thing stands certain, I must forever hang up my stalkings after this and go into seclusion in the deepest depths of Antartica, as if I am found I will be banned to the ultimate degree.
21 December 2006 9:00PM EST
I arrived at the location of the batcave that I had tracked down by rumor and finally following the mod to his place of work. I will keep the exact state and location secret for obvious reasons, but it is somewhere on the eatern seaboard. I pulled my windowless van into the parking lot and let the engine cool, listening to the tick tick tick of my cooling silencer as I screwed it on. Okay, okay, it was just my exhuast pipe ticking. I donned my black jump suit and night vision goggles a la Mission Impossible, and grapped my camera and slowly rolled out of my van and into the night. I glanced at my watch, 9PM on the dot.
Parking lot you say? Yes that is correct, the batcave has a parking lot, in fact it is disguised as a fully functioning 24 hour Taco Bell.
Obviously I realized that with all the security cameras and hidden guards I could not go in the front, or else I would be recognized and captured. So I made my around to the back looking for a way in, maybe an airvent or an old sewage pipe. Then I saw what looked like a construction project, I came upon a couple of orange fences and caution tape and saw it was around a pile of leaves about 4 feet wide. I began to remove the leaves and saw that it was in fact a hole in the ground. Quickly I set up an anchor and lowered myself down. It was a tunnel. It seemed as if whoever built it had spent months digging it and reinforcing it with wood beams. Then I saw something written on the side of the tunnel. It read.
I continued down the tunnel, according to my GPS I had traveled .05 miles when I came to a shaft with a ladder. I pulled myself up and came to a hatch, it opened and I found myself in a ceiling of some sort. So I removed a ceiling panel and set another rope anchor and lowered myself down into a long bright white hallway. The lights were off. It was clear of people.
I was in.
The hall way had multiple doors on each side with lables on them so it was easy enough to find my way. Behind some I could hear voices so I dared not to open them. I only have pictures of the ones that were void of people. The first empty room I came to was a Storage Closet.. I opened it up and found that the mods need some organization of their things.
I continued down the hall and found the bathroom. I looked around in their Medecine Cabinet. They also had an expensive seal on the official toilet.
The next room I came upon was labled Travel Agent's Office. There was not much to see except a few posters on the wall.
Moving slowly down the hallway I crept up to a door that read Conference Room, and I could hear voices beyond it. Desperate to get an actual picture of the moderator I pulled my fiber optics gear out of my bag and slipped it under the door. Behold, never seen before in real life, one of his many disguises, Anandtech Moderator.
I crept past an alarm laser and continued down the almost never ending wall. It seems as if the moderators get around on a golf cart with a water cooler on the back (you've seen it) judging by the tire marks on the floor. I reached a dimly lit green recess in the wall that housed the door to The Control Room. It was a busy place so I snapped a pic and left before I could be noticed. I also got a picture of the Mod Panel that each terminal has.
I passed some bedrooms and a few more other conference rooms and server rooms and then came upon The Dungeon.. I made my way down a stone spiral staircase that went deep into the depths of the torch lit pathway, something out of A Cask of Amontillado. I reached the bottom and my jaw dropped. The photo speaks for itself.
The Kinky Mod's Lair was also down there.
I reached the end of the hall and came upon the final door. I was able to bypass the retna scanner, and the keycode password was oddly enough "JLGatsby" and the voice recognition password was "Supermodel". I entered...
And...was dissapointed, it was only a filing room. The super secure, secret room that only the Mod of Mods could enter was only a filing room. Never the less I opened up a drawer of files. It was files containing detailed information of every banned member since the existance of Anandtech Forums. One caught my eye, and I pulled it out to read. I was shocked.
I soon noticed there were other doors. Most were server rooms, but one door door hadn't been used in a while. I opened it. Then closed it.
There was one more door, and bright light was seething from the cracks all around it. There was a gentle hum coming from it and I seemed pulled to the door. I went to open it, but it opened for me. It was The Boss. He knew I was coming. In fact he knew that I was going to join. He explained that he controls everything that we do, the threads we make, the trends that are set. His several infuential accounts (Zim, RossMAN, Conjur, Aumsed, and others), continaully post getting the flow of the forum to follow in his direction, gaining more members, getting more ad clicks. He gave me two choices, one was to become a Mod and never speak of any of this, or option two, get banned from the forums as SVT Cobra but be given RossMAN's account and he would recreate the forums as always every 8 years, and in the new FuseTalk version I would be given the first account with the earliest join date. As I started to make my deciscion an alarm went off, it was another friday night nef fest, the alarm scared me into thinking I was done for an I raced back down the hallway and pulled myself outside, hearing the clatter of feet racing down behind me.
As I got outside to the parking lot, I knew I had done it. My feet crunched the gravel of the parking lot under foot and my boots resounded with authority. My camera in hand and the smell of gorund beef in my nostrils, I started my van and with a squeak of the tires I was gone.
**WARNING**
This thread is a joke. All pictures of Anandtech Moderator may be fake, you decide. The opinions expressed in this post are not neccecarily those expressed by the OP or its subsideraries. This post is not available in stores, It may be found in Canada at a cheaper retail price. This post is void in New Jersey. Any resembalance of this post to any other posts, living or dead, is purely coincidence. Any other use of this post other than its authorized use is strictly prohibited. This post may cause drowsiness in lab animals. Please take the proper safety measures in viewing this post. If one finds this post not funny return post within 30 days for a full refund, (virtual shipping not included). This post is protected by united states and international treaties and this post may not be reproduced or redistibuted without the permission of the national football league. This post may cause rare but common side effects, which may include headaches or random bouts of neffing. If death occurs, immediately stop viewing this post and consult your physician. While reading this post do not ingest alchohol and resume sexual activity while operating heavy machinary. If your e-penis erection lasts more than 4 hours, insert your own joke here. If you experience psycotic episodes, you are crazy. Batteries not included.
(By the way Rossy, sorry no flash because it would have taken me too long. Well I am going to bed now, so tired, hope it gets a few smiles 🙂 )
Alas! The batcave has been penetrated and I have returned with photos!
For two years straight I have made it my hobby, no my obsession, to track down the man we call Anandtech Moderator. For two years straight I have tracked, hunted, and searched around the globe for a clue of this mysterious man. For two years I have stalked his every move and his every thought, and last night I have accomplished what I was born to do. Ladies and Gentlemen I have penetrated the inner defenses of the batcave and was heroically able to return with photos for all to see. Some are not of the best quality, some are dead on clear. Some will shock, and others not so. But, one thing stands certain, I must forever hang up my stalkings after this and go into seclusion in the deepest depths of Antartica, as if I am found I will be banned to the ultimate degree.
21 December 2006 9:00PM EST
I arrived at the location of the batcave that I had tracked down by rumor and finally following the mod to his place of work. I will keep the exact state and location secret for obvious reasons, but it is somewhere on the eatern seaboard. I pulled my windowless van into the parking lot and let the engine cool, listening to the tick tick tick of my cooling silencer as I screwed it on. Okay, okay, it was just my exhuast pipe ticking. I donned my black jump suit and night vision goggles a la Mission Impossible, and grapped my camera and slowly rolled out of my van and into the night. I glanced at my watch, 9PM on the dot.
Parking lot you say? Yes that is correct, the batcave has a parking lot, in fact it is disguised as a fully functioning 24 hour Taco Bell.
Obviously I realized that with all the security cameras and hidden guards I could not go in the front, or else I would be recognized and captured. So I made my around to the back looking for a way in, maybe an airvent or an old sewage pipe. Then I saw what looked like a construction project, I came upon a couple of orange fences and caution tape and saw it was around a pile of leaves about 4 feet wide. I began to remove the leaves and saw that it was in fact a hole in the ground. Quickly I set up an anchor and lowered myself down. It was a tunnel. It seemed as if whoever built it had spent months digging it and reinforcing it with wood beams. Then I saw something written on the side of the tunnel. It read.
I continued down the tunnel, according to my GPS I had traveled .05 miles when I came to a shaft with a ladder. I pulled myself up and came to a hatch, it opened and I found myself in a ceiling of some sort. So I removed a ceiling panel and set another rope anchor and lowered myself down into a long bright white hallway. The lights were off. It was clear of people.
I was in.
The hall way had multiple doors on each side with lables on them so it was easy enough to find my way. Behind some I could hear voices so I dared not to open them. I only have pictures of the ones that were void of people. The first empty room I came to was a Storage Closet.. I opened it up and found that the mods need some organization of their things.
I continued down the hall and found the bathroom. I looked around in their Medecine Cabinet. They also had an expensive seal on the official toilet.
The next room I came upon was labled Travel Agent's Office. There was not much to see except a few posters on the wall.
Moving slowly down the hallway I crept up to a door that read Conference Room, and I could hear voices beyond it. Desperate to get an actual picture of the moderator I pulled my fiber optics gear out of my bag and slipped it under the door. Behold, never seen before in real life, one of his many disguises, Anandtech Moderator.
I crept past an alarm laser and continued down the almost never ending wall. It seems as if the moderators get around on a golf cart with a water cooler on the back (you've seen it) judging by the tire marks on the floor. I reached a dimly lit green recess in the wall that housed the door to The Control Room. It was a busy place so I snapped a pic and left before I could be noticed. I also got a picture of the Mod Panel that each terminal has.
I passed some bedrooms and a few more other conference rooms and server rooms and then came upon The Dungeon.. I made my way down a stone spiral staircase that went deep into the depths of the torch lit pathway, something out of A Cask of Amontillado. I reached the bottom and my jaw dropped. The photo speaks for itself.
The Kinky Mod's Lair was also down there.
I reached the end of the hall and came upon the final door. I was able to bypass the retna scanner, and the keycode password was oddly enough "JLGatsby" and the voice recognition password was "Supermodel". I entered...
And...was dissapointed, it was only a filing room. The super secure, secret room that only the Mod of Mods could enter was only a filing room. Never the less I opened up a drawer of files. It was files containing detailed information of every banned member since the existance of Anandtech Forums. One caught my eye, and I pulled it out to read. I was shocked.
I soon noticed there were other doors. Most were server rooms, but one door door hadn't been used in a while. I opened it. Then closed it.
There was one more door, and bright light was seething from the cracks all around it. There was a gentle hum coming from it and I seemed pulled to the door. I went to open it, but it opened for me. It was The Boss. He knew I was coming. In fact he knew that I was going to join. He explained that he controls everything that we do, the threads we make, the trends that are set. His several infuential accounts (Zim, RossMAN, Conjur, Aumsed, and others), continaully post getting the flow of the forum to follow in his direction, gaining more members, getting more ad clicks. He gave me two choices, one was to become a Mod and never speak of any of this, or option two, get banned from the forums as SVT Cobra but be given RossMAN's account and he would recreate the forums as always every 8 years, and in the new FuseTalk version I would be given the first account with the earliest join date. As I started to make my deciscion an alarm went off, it was another friday night nef fest, the alarm scared me into thinking I was done for an I raced back down the hallway and pulled myself outside, hearing the clatter of feet racing down behind me.
As I got outside to the parking lot, I knew I had done it. My feet crunched the gravel of the parking lot under foot and my boots resounded with authority. My camera in hand and the smell of gorund beef in my nostrils, I started my van and with a squeak of the tires I was gone.
**WARNING**
This thread is a joke. All pictures of Anandtech Moderator may be fake, you decide. The opinions expressed in this post are not neccecarily those expressed by the OP or its subsideraries. This post is not available in stores, It may be found in Canada at a cheaper retail price. This post is void in New Jersey. Any resembalance of this post to any other posts, living or dead, is purely coincidence. Any other use of this post other than its authorized use is strictly prohibited. This post may cause drowsiness in lab animals. Please take the proper safety measures in viewing this post. If one finds this post not funny return post within 30 days for a full refund, (virtual shipping not included). This post is protected by united states and international treaties and this post may not be reproduced or redistibuted without the permission of the national football league. This post may cause rare but common side effects, which may include headaches or random bouts of neffing. If death occurs, immediately stop viewing this post and consult your physician. While reading this post do not ingest alchohol and resume sexual activity while operating heavy machinary. If your e-penis erection lasts more than 4 hours, insert your own joke here. If you experience psycotic episodes, you are crazy. Batteries not included.
(By the way Rossy, sorry no flash because it would have taken me too long. Well I am going to bed now, so tired, hope it gets a few smiles 🙂 )
