I think he flew by me in his Porsche once on the freeway. But come to think about it, everyone flies by me & my 1959 Edsel.
Anand...anyone ever see or meet him?
- Thread starter NumbaJuan
- Start date
No one sees Anand, no one talks to Anand. You can kiss our asses and we will pass it along to him. Read below for the explanation:
John:
"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary:
Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Anand's ass with us."
Me:
"Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Anand, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"
John:
"If you kiss Anand's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the sh!t out of you."
Me:
"What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John:
"Anand is a billionaire philanthropist. Anand built this town. Anand owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."
Me:
"That doesn't make any sense. Why..."
Mary:
"Who are you to question Anand's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me:
"Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."
John:
"Then come kiss Anand's ass with us."
Me:
"Do you kiss Anand's ass often?"
Mary:
"Oh yes, all the time..."
Me:
"And has He given you a million dollars?"
John:
"Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."
Me:
"So why don't you just leave town now?"
Mary:
"You can't leave until Anand tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the sh!t out of you."
Me:
"Do you know anyone who kissed Anand's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John:
"My mother kissed Anand's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."
Me:
"Haven't you talked to her since then?"
John:
"Of course not, Anand doesn't allow it."
Me:
"So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary:
"Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."
Me:
"What's that got to do with Anand?"
John:
"Anand has certain 'connections.'"
Me:
"I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."
John:
"But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Anand's ass He'll kick the sh!t out of you."
Me:
"Maybe if I could see Anand, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."
Mary:
"No one sees Anand, no one talks to Anand."
Me:
"Then how do you kiss His ass?"
John:
"Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."
Me:
"Who's Karl?"
Mary:
"A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Anand's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."
Me:
"And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Anand, that Anand wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Anand would reward you?"
John:
"Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Anand years ago explaining the whole thing.
Me:
"This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."
Mary:
"Anand didn't have any paper."
Me:
"I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."
John:
"Of course, Anand dictated it."
Me:
"I thought you said no one gets to see Anand?"
Mary:
"Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."
Me:
"I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the sh!t out of people just because they're different?"
Mary:
"It's what Anand wants, and Anand's always right."
Me:
"How do you figure that?"
Mary:
"Item 7 says 'Everything Anand says is right.' That's good enough for me!"
Me:
"Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."
John:
"No way! Item 5 says 'Anand dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."
Me:
"But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."
John:
"There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."
Me:
"Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."
Mary:
"But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."
Me:
"I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."
John:
"Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Anand is always right!"
Me:
"We do?"
Mary:
"Of course we do, Item 7 says so."
Me:
"You're saying Anand's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Anand dictated it, and we know that Anand dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Anand's right because He says He's right.'"
John:
"Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Anand's way of thinking."
Me:
"But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"
Mary:
She blushes.
John:
"Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Anand's way. Anything else is wrong."
Me:
"What if I don't have a bun?"
John:
"No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."
Me:
"No relish? No Mustard?"
Mary:
She looks positively stricken.
John:
He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"
Me:
"So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"
Mary:
Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."
John:
"That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."
Me:
"It's good! I eat it all the time."
Mary:
She faints.
John:
He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Anand kicks the sh!t out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Anand's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
John:
"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary:
Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Anand's ass with us."
Me:
"Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Anand, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"
John:
"If you kiss Anand's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the sh!t out of you."
Me:
"What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John:
"Anand is a billionaire philanthropist. Anand built this town. Anand owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."
Me:
"That doesn't make any sense. Why..."
Mary:
"Who are you to question Anand's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me:
"Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."
John:
"Then come kiss Anand's ass with us."
Me:
"Do you kiss Anand's ass often?"
Mary:
"Oh yes, all the time..."
Me:
"And has He given you a million dollars?"
John:
"Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."
Me:
"So why don't you just leave town now?"
Mary:
"You can't leave until Anand tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the sh!t out of you."
Me:
"Do you know anyone who kissed Anand's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John:
"My mother kissed Anand's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."
Me:
"Haven't you talked to her since then?"
John:
"Of course not, Anand doesn't allow it."
Me:
"So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary:
"Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."
Me:
"What's that got to do with Anand?"
John:
"Anand has certain 'connections.'"
Me:
"I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."
John:
"But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Anand's ass He'll kick the sh!t out of you."
Me:
"Maybe if I could see Anand, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."
Mary:
"No one sees Anand, no one talks to Anand."
Me:
"Then how do you kiss His ass?"
John:
"Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."
Me:
"Who's Karl?"
Mary:
"A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Anand's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."
Me:
"And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Anand, that Anand wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Anand would reward you?"
John:
"Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Anand years ago explaining the whole thing.
Me:
"This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."
Mary:
"Anand didn't have any paper."
Me:
"I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."
John:
"Of course, Anand dictated it."
Me:
"I thought you said no one gets to see Anand?"
Mary:
"Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."
Me:
"I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the sh!t out of people just because they're different?"
Mary:
"It's what Anand wants, and Anand's always right."
Me:
"How do you figure that?"
Mary:
"Item 7 says 'Everything Anand says is right.' That's good enough for me!"
Me:
"Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."
John:
"No way! Item 5 says 'Anand dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."
Me:
"But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."
John:
"There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."
Me:
"Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."
Mary:
"But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."
Me:
"I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."
John:
"Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Anand is always right!"
Me:
"We do?"
Mary:
"Of course we do, Item 7 says so."
Me:
"You're saying Anand's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Anand dictated it, and we know that Anand dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Anand's right because He says He's right.'"
John:
"Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Anand's way of thinking."
Me:
"But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"
Mary:
She blushes.
John:
"Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Anand's way. Anything else is wrong."
Me:
"What if I don't have a bun?"
John:
"No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."
Me:
"No relish? No Mustard?"
Mary:
She looks positively stricken.
John:
He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"
Me:
"So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"
Mary:
Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."
John:
"That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."
Me:
"It's good! I eat it all the time."
Mary:
She faints.
John:
He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Anand kicks the sh!t out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Anand's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
To all you "industry heavyweights"
Found his bio:
Anand Lal Shimpi has turned a fledgling personal page on GeoCities.com into the world's most visited and trusted PC hardware site. Anand started his site in 1997 at just 14 years old and has used his uncanny hardware knowledge and writing ability to transform his site into a site that industry heavyweights turn to daily. Anand has been featured in USA Today, 48 Hours, and Fortune Magazine. He also has appeared on ZDTV (now TechTV) and CBS. His site-www.anandtech.com-receives more than 50 million page views and is read by more than two million readers per month.
From:
book review
mdcarb
Found his bio:
Anand Lal Shimpi has turned a fledgling personal page on GeoCities.com into the world's most visited and trusted PC hardware site. Anand started his site in 1997 at just 14 years old and has used his uncanny hardware knowledge and writing ability to transform his site into a site that industry heavyweights turn to daily. Anand has been featured in USA Today, 48 Hours, and Fortune Magazine. He also has appeared on ZDTV (now TechTV) and CBS. His site-www.anandtech.com-receives more than 50 million page views and is read by more than two million readers per month.
From:
book review
mdcarb
Well, I go to high school where he used to go to high school. He's been by here looking for employees a few times...the red ferarri modena is easy to pick out, lol.
-Eric
-Eric
Originally posted by: ShOcKwAvE827
Saw him at HardOCP raffle thingy in dallas. He talked about processors. What a computer nerd!
Same here, ran into him in the parking garage. I shook his hand and I've never washed it since.
Even though I have not seen him personally, here's two pictures of him.
He's the gentleman in the center of both pictures:
Picture #1
Picture #2
mdcrab
He's the gentleman in the center of both pictures:
Picture #1
Picture #2
mdcrab
Haha, nice. I could definatly give a speach on speeding...hard part would be keeping it from turning into a rant.
I went to Enloe High School with Anand from 1996-2000. We first met in our C&C English class sophomore year. I remember him showing me and some other guys the geocities site in one of the crappy mac labs on campus. He started out with BMWs and has worked his way up to a Ferrari. I have the yearbook from senior year. PM me and I'll send you a scan if you like. Anand's a nice guy, and easy to chat with. He loves to joke around in a conversation. It's been fun watching how this site has grown over the years, considering I remember when he had a counter on the front page, ect.
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