An open letter to Santa.

[NuclearNed]

Dear Santa,

I'm don't want to hurt my chances on getting Christmas booty by angering you, but I have a burning question that someone just has to ask.

Why do you consider "naughty" and "nice" to be mutually exclusive? I can imagine lots of scenarios where it is possible to be both. Without going into graphic detail, I think you might be missing out on some of the better things in life.

Seriously, you might want to revisit this rule and make some revisions. I think some "naughty" exemptions might be in order.

Sincerely,
NuclearNed

 

[chrisms]

Dear Santa,

I want some poon for Christmas. It'd really help out a lot.

Your pal,
Chris

 

[MichaelD]

What the hell? Santa doesn't know anything about sex...he just does toys.

That said, I'm still a little peeved about not getting the Giant Lego Mega Set back in...1981, I think it was. What the hell happened, Santa? I was good! I left you cookies and even wrote a note. I was good the WHOLE YEAR for freakin' nothing!

I'm coming for you, fat man...

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
What the hell? Santa doesn't know anything about sex...he just does toys.

That said, I'm still a little peeved about not getting the Giant Lego Mega Set back in...1981, I think it was. What the hell happened, Santa? I was good! I left you cookies and even wrote a note. I was good the WHOLE YEAR for freakin' nothing!

I'm coming for you, fat man...

Maybe he can bring him a fleshlight, that's a toy, right? Sex toys count also.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
What the hell? Santa doesn't know anything about sex...he just does toys.

That said, I'm still a little peeved about not getting the Giant Lego Mega Set back in...1981, I think it was. What the hell happened, Santa? I was good! I left you cookies and even wrote a note. I was good the WHOLE YEAR for freakin' nothing!

I'm coming for you, fat man...

Dear Santa,

Can I have MichaelD's stuff that you would have otherwise brought him this year?

Thanks,
NuclearNed

 

[Heller]

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at nuclear ned's Christmas party. It was micheal id who spiked the punch with too much bud light. I can't help it if I drank 3 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like smelly.

I thought it was funny when I put heller91's underwear on my head and danced the tango on the desk while singing `macho man'. I didn't mean to break nuclear ned's xbox 360 and don't know why nuclear ned would sue me for murder.

I don't remember calling heller91's wife a boo! pig---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and white lipstick!

And when I threw up on nuclear ned's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that wings.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my ford f-150 through my neighbor's closet. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a dirty duck and have me arrested for murder!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all smeller and dirty. And I'm really not to blame for any of this dirty stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and smelly yours,
heller91 (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 30 bucks!

 

[Heller]

durrr

 

[DaveSimmons]

Dear Santa,

Instead of toys or games, I think you should bring good boys and girls one share of Vanguard.com's VFINX S&P 500 stock index mutual fund.

Sure they'll cry themselves to sleep now, but when they're old and wizened that $129 share will buy them $39,302 worth of adult diapers and pain meds!

Your pal,
---Dave

 

[Coquito]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
What the hell? Santa doesn't know anything about sex...he just does toys.

That said, I'm still a little peeved about not getting the Giant Lego Mega Set back in...1981, I think it was. What the hell happened, Santa? I was good! I left you cookies and even wrote a note. I was good the WHOLE YEAR for freakin' nothing!

I'm coming for you, fat man...

He even had the nerve to eat the cookies?! What an ass.

 

[KillyKillall]

Dear Santa,

$50M in unmarked bills or the red nosed reindeer gets it.

-naughty

 

[mwmorph]

Dear Santa.

Please stop spying on little kids you pedophile. Michael Jackson has less of a pedo problem than you do. Thank you for considering this. Seriously, cant you just assume 5 year olds are nice? Damn do you have to hide in the bushes and observe them?

-Pissed off