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an open job application

K

Koharski

Senior member
okay, so here is the story. I'm a young (16) student in grade 11 trying to get a job at a local mom and pop computer store. I actually know the guy who owns the store fairly well, because I build alot of computers for friends so I go in there and make a 1000+ dollar purchase every month or two. They recently put a sign up on their door that basically said "we might be hiring soon, so if you thing you gots the stuff shoot us an email 🙂"

so I wanted to make a nice, friendly email to them to show them why they should hire me. I don't think they generally hire students, but I hope they will make an exception for me. This is what my email starts off with:

Subject: top 5 reasons you should hire me.

1) I'm knowlegable: Sure, you could pick up somebody from the work experience program, but wouldn't you much rather have somone who can get the job done without having to be instructed on everything first?

2) I'm easy to get along with: A sence of humor, maturity and socability go along way in the workplace.

3) I don't work for worksake: I enjoy working with computers. When I come in for work i'm there because I want to be, not because I need some pocket cash.

4) I'm persistant: Seriously, i've applied here how many times now? at least 3 I believe. I would much rather bash my head on the keyboard trying to get MSN to work under linux than boot into windows. This is a handy trait to have when working in the tech field, especially when dealing with windows.

5) [ this one was dumb ]

The rest of the email is a more formal sypnosis of my skills, followed by an extremely formal resume. I know this is not my best writing, i'm freaken tired and I think I could be alot funnier. What is your opinion? I want to put emphasis on my social ability, i've allways been confortable meeting new people and never really been nervous with public things.

so I ask your opinion, yay or nay?

EDIT: yes, I know my spelling sucks. This is just in concept stage. I'll fire it off tomorrow morning so they can read it by the time I stop in to have a chat with them before closing.
 
If you know the guy, I would actually go in the store and talk in person even though the sign says otherwise.
 
do you have a resume? if you stop in, one of the first things he is going to say is "do you have a resume?". It would be much better if you can say "I have one right here".
 
Originally posted by: ChaoZ
Originally posted by: Cattlegod
resume FTW?
Click to expand...

C'mon he's 16.
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which is exactly why he needs one. the reason he wasn't offered the job before is because he was 16. if he can prove that he performs at a level superior to that of a 16 year old, then he will have a greater chance.

He can list things on his resume such as the computers he has built before, hich school awards, technical skills, community service stuff, etc etc.
 
get a resume. screw the e-mail (it's terrible anyway). if you know the owner, just go in there and talk to him and ask him very directly if they are hiring and you would be interested in working there.
 
I do have a resume. I will quote:

"The rest of the email is a more formal sypnosis of my skills, followed by an extremely formal resume. I know this is not my best writing, i'm freaken tired and I think I could be alot funnier. What is your opinion? I want to put emphasis on my social ability, i've allways been confortable meeting new people and never really been nervous with public things. "

the resume IS ATTACHED! This is just more of a cover letter than anything.

and love it or hate it, but #1 and 2 are not lies.

EDIT: okay guys, I appreciate the feedback but could you please read the post first? Everything in there is true.

but your right. 5 is stupid. I was running out of ideas at that point. Maybe I should change it to "I come with a free trial" and offer to do a week or two of volenteer work experience. I have to get 10 hours of volenteer work experience for school this year anyway, so...

and I do agree with you guys, I do need a resume. that is why I included one 😛
 
how big is the place? when you go to turn in your resume are you handing it to the owner yourself? if so, you might want to ditch the letter and show your social skills by actually socializing with him rather than writing it in a note.

edit: and if you really want to do the note, i recommend a ~400-500 word essay that answers the following questions:

1 - Why you want the job, and why his company is right for you.
2 - What you will do for the company that someone else can't.
 
Originally posted by: Koharski
Maybe I should change it to "I come with a free trial" and offer to do a week or two of volenteer work experience.
Click to expand...

That's illegal. A company can't hire you without paying you. So lets move on:

Originally posted by: Koharski
I do have a resume. I will quote:

"The rest of the email is a more formal sypnosis of my skills, followed by an extremely formal resume. I know this is not my best writing, i'm freaken tired and I think I could be alot funnier. What is your opinion? I want to put emphasis on my social ability, i've allways been confortable meeting new people and never really been nervous with public things. "
Click to expand...

Is that seriously quoted from you're e-mail? WTF are you thinking? First, spell correctly. Second, be professional. They're never going to hire you if you write crap like that.

Originally posted by: Koharski
EDIT: okay guys, I appreciate the feedback but could you please read the post first? Everything in there is true.
Click to expand...

Doesn't matter if it's true or not. It's horribly worded and you come off as an idiot. Number 5 is pointless. Number 4 is just plain rude. Number 3 is pointless. Number 2 and 1 are generic. And number 1 is worded horribly.
 
thats quoted from my first post, not my email.

but yeah, I think your right. That was my attempt at humor when I was way to tired to be funny.

and it can't be completely illegal to do volenteer work experience. It's a graduation requirement to have some work experience, most people do volenteer.
 
Originally posted by: sash1


Originally posted by: Koharski
I do have a resume. I will quote:

"The rest of the email is a more formal sypnosis of my skills, followed by an extremely formal resume. I know this is not my best writing, i'm freaken tired and I think I could be alot funnier. What is your opinion? I want to put emphasis on my social ability, i've allways been confortable meeting new people and never really been nervous with public things. "
Click to expand...

Is that seriously quoted from you're e-mail? WTF are you thinking? First, spell correctly. Second, be professional. They're never going to hire you if you write crap like that.
Click to expand...

I think he quoted it from the OP, not his note.
 
Originally posted by: Cattlegod
Originally posted by: sash1


Originally posted by: Koharski
I do have a resume. I will quote:

"The rest of the email is a more formal sypnosis of my skills, followed by an extremely formal resume. I know this is not my best writing, i'm freaken tired and I think I could be alot funnier. What is your opinion? I want to put emphasis on my social ability, i've allways been confortable meeting new people and never really been nervous with public things. "
Click to expand...

Is that seriously quoted from you're e-mail? WTF are you thinking? First, spell correctly. Second, be professional. They're never going to hire you if you write crap like that.
Click to expand...

I think he quoted it from the OP, not his note.
Click to expand...

ah okay. I was gonna say, if that's from the e-mail, wtf? 😛
 
Originally posted by: ChaoZ
Originally posted by: Cattlegod
resume FTW?
Click to expand...

C'mon he's 16.
Click to expand...

Employment History:

2000-2006 Senior Waste Transfer Techician, My Mom's House
* Handled all responsibilities for transporation of kitchen garbage from the garbage can to the curb
* Suggested and implemented use of draw string bags to reduce overflow and ensure tidy removal
* Handled recycling duties on an as needed basis
 
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