An engineer goes to Hell

[Jeff7]

8.735/10 ±0.010 typ

 

[mjrpes3]

Two Engineers agree to paint a flag pole. Of course they need to know how tall it is so they can purchase the paint. One shimmies up the pole with a tape measure and falls after reaching about half way. While trying to figure out how they can possibly measure the pole along comes a Designer. After asking what they're doing he replies, "that's easy". He then reaches around the pole and pulls it out of the ground and lays it down. "There you go", he said as he walked away. The two Engineers look at each other and one said "that stupid guy will never get anywhere, we don't need to know how wide it is, just how tall".

 

[mjrpes3]

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer.The car breaks down."Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system. "I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - how about if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

 

[mjrpes3]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

 

[classy]

Pretty good 8/10

 

[classy]

a pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "what's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" the doctor chimed in, "i don't know, but i've never seen such ineptitude! "the pastor said, "hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"hi, george. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

the greens keeper replied, "oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

the group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "that's so sad. I think i will say a special prayer for them tonight."

the doctor said, "good idea. And i'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

the engineer said, "why can't these guys play at night?"

lol 10/10

 

[mizzou]

100%

 

[Fenixgoon]

so there's a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, and civil engineer debating about what type of engineer god is.

the mech-e says "god is clearly a mechanical engineer! just look at the skeletal system and muscular system and how they interact to make you move"

the EE says "nonsense - the brain is a giant computer and the body responds to electrical impulses! god is an electrical engineer"

the civil engineer says "i hate to break it to you guys, but god is clearly a civil engineer. only a civil engineer would run a waste disposal through what many consider to be a recreational area"

 

[IronWing]

Dang, Fexiloon posted my joke as I was posting it.

 

[spidey07]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

That was really good. 10/10.

 

[Engineer]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

LOL! :biggrin:

 

[dfuze]

Pretty good for a clean joke, 7.5/10

 

[OCNewbie]

Another hate on lawyers joke. Eh, 6/10 I guess.

 

[guyver01]

2/10... almost as old, and as bad as the joke i heard of the cheeze-it crackers commercial.


What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho Cheese!

 

[Malak]

I've gotten a lot of mileage out of that joke over the years, especially when I tell a lawyer, "Want to hear a good engineer joke?"

It's a good one.

LOL I laughed at that more than the joke. I'm going to use that at poker night.

 

[eits]

lol nice

7/10

 

[Ronstang]

Three doctors were sitting around discussing which type of patients were the easiest to perform surgery on.

The first doctor said he thought electricians were the easiest since once you opened them up everything was color coded.

The second doctor stated that engineers were the easiest since not only is everything color coded it is also labeled.

The third doctor proclaimed that lawyers were by far the easiest because they have only two parts, a mouth and an asshole,....which are interchangeable.

 

[eits]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

lol that was good... sending this to my parents (both are engineers)

 

[disappoint]

just sent to the attnys at the firm

Just sent to the engineers at the firm. Bet I'll be more popular than you at the firm.

 

[disappoint]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Because they'll be eaten by mosquitos. Not the brightest of the bunch was he?

 

[Eli]

I lol'd.

 

[classy]

so there's a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, and civil engineer debating about what type of engineer god is.

the mech-e says "god is clearly a mechanical engineer! just look at the skeletal system and muscular system and how they interact to make you move"

the EE says "nonsense - the brain is a giant computer and the body responds to electrical impulses! god is an electrical engineer"

the civil engineer says "i hate to break it to you guys, but god is clearly a civil engineer. only a civil engineer would run a waste disposal through what many consider to be a recreational area"

hehehehehehehehe
Thats pretty good

 

[Gibson486]

so there's a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, and civil engineer debating about what type of engineer god is.

the mech-e says "god is clearly a mechanical engineer! just look at the skeletal system and muscular system and how they interact to make you move"

the EE says "nonsense - the brain is a giant computer and the body responds to electrical impulses! god is an electrical engineer"

the civil engineer says "i hate to break it to you guys, but god is clearly a civil engineer. only a civil engineer would run a waste disposal through what many consider to be a recreational area"

I never understood that joke until I started working for a civil firm. Now that joke cracks me up.

 

[Gibson486]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer. Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."[/FONT]
​

 

[Bignate603]

One engineer was waiting for another when he rolled up on a great looking new mountain bike. The first was impressed and asked "Wow, when did you get the bike? It looks amazing!"

The one on the bike said "It's a funny story. I was out for a walk in the hills near here when this good looking girl rode up on it. She stopped, took off all her clothes and then told me 'Take what you want'".

The engineer that had been waiting thought for a second and then said "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".