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Amusing things to say to telemarketers

A

Arkitech

Diamond Member

"Hey are'nt you the guy who slept with my wife, I'm gonna kick your ass"


When they ask how are you reply with

"my glass eye is fogging up again"
"I'm glad you asked, my liver fell out again and I need a donor"
"OHHH GAWD, my wife just shot me in the testes call 911"

 
Here's even more fun, put the next telemarketer who calls on speakerphone and start screaming as loud as you can in a foreign language while knocking over large items, allow for 5 seconds of silence, come back to the phone and ask them if torture and murder is illegal in the US
 
My favorite was when I told the woman I wasn't interested, but she persisted. I interrupted her and said:

"You can go ahead and keep talking. But while you do, know I am going to start taking off my clothes while you talk." in a very suggestive tone.
 
how's this?

ME: I'm sorry, I'm a little busy right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back around dinnertime.
THEM: I'm sorry, sir, we're not supposed to do that.
ME: Oh really? Now you know how it feels.
**HANG UP**

I like that one

Also:
ME: Hello?
THEM: Hello, sir. I'm calling you today to tell you that....
ME: Oh, here's the thing....
**HANG UP**

I did that one time and 10 seconds later, someone called, gave me a raspberry, and hung up. It was hilarious!
 
Originally posted by: mEarles
how's this?

ME: Hello?
THEM: Hello, sir. I'm calling you today to tell you that....
ME: Oh, here's the thing....
**HANG UP**

I did that one time and 10 seconds later, someone called, gave me a raspberry, and hung up. It was hilarious!
Click to expand...

ha they called back a gave you a rasberry, thats pretty funny
 
First off.... there is only one thing you can do that will annoy a telemarketer.

That is this...

Ask questions.... lots of questions

Pretend you'll buy.

Say you'll buy.

Change your mind at the last second.


I once was on the other end of the phone, nothing else phases us... trust me. I've heard it all.

 
Originally posted by: bGIveNs33
First off.... there is only one thing you can do that will annoy a telemarketer.

That is this...

Ask questions.... lots of questions

Pretend you'll buy.

Say you'll buy.

Change your mind at the last second.


I once was on the other end of the phone, nothing else phases us... trust me. I've heard it all.
Click to expand...

Now THAT is funny. I am going to have to start doing this. 😀

 
Originally posted by: bGIveNs33
First off.... there is only one thing you can do that will annoy a telemarketer.

That is this...

Ask questions.... lots of questions

Pretend you'll buy.

Say you'll buy.

Change your mind at the last second.


I once was on the other end of the phone, nothing else phases us... trust me. I've heard it all.
Click to expand...



you did telemarketing too? I worked as one for about 3 days before I lost my mind

I came across a lot of wierd answering messages in that short time
 
My wife speaks Italian. I usually give the phone to her. Otherwise, I just talk about having a spastic colon, uncontrollable bladder, or kidney stones. I usually get them to hang up. 😀
 
Originally posted by: Arkitech
Originally posted by: bGIveNs33 First off.... there is only one thing you can do that will annoy a telemarketer. That is this... Ask questions.... lots of questions Pretend you'll buy. Say you'll buy. Change your mind at the last second. I once was on the other end of the phone, nothing else phases us... trust me. I've heard it all.
Click to expand...
you did telemarketing too? I work as one for about 3 days before I lost my mind I came across a lot of wierd answering messages in that short time
Click to expand...

Yea, when I was 16. For a 16 year old, it's the best paying job in town. I was making ~11 bucks an hour doing it. I did it for about a year and just got so sick of it, it was effecting my sales. I've heard some strannnnnge stuff... but after a week or so, the cuss words just seemed normal.
 
Originally posted by: bGIveNs33
First off.... there is only one thing you can do that will annoy a telemarketer.

That is this...

Ask questions.... lots of questions

Pretend you'll buy.

Say you'll buy.

Change your mind at the last second.


I once was on the other end of the phone, nothing else phases us... trust me. I've heard it all.
Click to expand...

Perhaps I will have to try that one day when I have time.

 
Originally posted by: bGIveNs33
Originally posted by: Arkitech
Originally posted by: bGIveNs33 First off.... there is only one thing you can do that will annoy a telemarketer. That is this... Ask questions.... lots of questions Pretend you'll buy. Say you'll buy. Change your mind at the last second. I once was on the other end of the phone, nothing else phases us... trust me. I've heard it all.
Click to expand...
you did telemarketing too? I work as one for about 3 days before I lost my mind I came across a lot of wierd answering messages in that short time
Click to expand...

Yea, when I was 16. For a 16 year old, it's the best paying job in town. I was making ~11 bucks an hour doing it. I did it for about a year and just got so sick of it, it was effecting my sales. I've heard some strannnnnge stuff... but after a week or so, the cuss words just seemed normal.
Click to expand...

hehe geezes...i want to be a telemarketer and get super pissed and yell @ the customer w/o thinking twice about it and get fired....i always wanted that experience and document it...
 
I remember a thread where the guy put a telemarketer on hold and then waited to see how long it took for him to hang up. If I recall, it was 25 minutes or something like that. Although, what I someday want to do is pretend to f@p when a telemarketer calls. See his response when I start moaning loudly, then tell him to hang on, the phone's a little sticky, let me clean it up.
 
Using a celebrity soundboard from ebaum'sworld is pretty fun... just gotta be quick with the responses and not laugh too hard. 😀
I've tried using Ahnold a few times... can't believe people can't recognize his voice!
 
I read that the telemarketers are suing to try to stop the national do not call list from going into effect.

I hope that they fail in preventing it.
 
All of these things are funny, and i usually think of something crafty after i hang up.....but i never think of anything good while im on the phone.
 
best thing to do is waste their time.

when they ask for Mr. So and So, ask them to hold on.
lay the phone down and go do something else.

after a minute or 2, most hang up. I had someone stay on for 10 minutes before I just hung up the phone.

 
Usually I just hang-up myself, but last time one called they initiated with, "Hi, how are you?", which really pissed me off after they went off into their pitch.

I wanted to go into a little riff like, "Do you really want to know how I am? I'm dying of cancer (I'm not), and..." and just go on and on.

It just grates on me when they call up and address me by my first name, or like a friend. If they call you I suppose you can just say whatever you want to them.
 
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