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Amish traffic stop! (A Joke)

B

Brutuskend

Lifer
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse
and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to
issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on
your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get
home."

"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the
way that one rein loops across the horse's back and
around one of his testicles. That could look like
cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of
that right away!"

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband
about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what
exactly did he say?"

"He said the reflector is broken."

"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"

"I'm not sure, Jacob,... something about the
emergency brake."

 
Old Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "Okay old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches
behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and boom, he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dangit, third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of the story... Don't mess with the old folks. Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
 
The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people
did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Mansfield, Ohio,
for $200.00.

They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was wonderful. It produced
lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very
happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce
more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk
supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move
away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away
from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were
very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our
cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from
the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow
in Ohio?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they
bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow
in Ohio?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Ohio."
 
On the subject of farm animals:

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.

The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down & wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up & drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are lying in the mud.

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
 
OMG ewwwwwwww, AmusedOne!! That's just the perfect combination of disgusting and hilarious!

lmao😀

Excuse me while I vomit my lunch and fall over laughing at the same time.😛
 


<< Old Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "Okay old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches
behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and boom, he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dangit, third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of the story... Don't mess with the old folks. Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! >>


dude how many times will u post the same joke again and again.
come out with some new ones
 
*******VIRUS ALERT********


AMISH VIRUS::

You have just received the Amish Virus. Since we do not have
electricity nor computers, you are on the honor system.
Please delete all of your files.

Thank thee.
 


<< dude how many times will u post the same joke again and again. >>



Go away, I've never heard it before and he has the right to post it if he wants.
 
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