Amazon Lord of the Rings TV adaptation is rumored to have a $1 billion production budget

OccamsToothbrush

Golden Member
Aug 21, 2005
1,389
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Why? All of Jackson's hobbits were burn-down-Mt. Doom gay.

I think some were more in the flaming-bi persuasion. Surely Merry and Pippin opened up a bed and breakfast together and spent hours discussing duvet covers and pillow shams. But while Sam clearly had a thing for Frodo he also got married and he and Rosie squeezed out another generation of hairy-footed monsters.
 

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
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wut?

they .. WHAT? They are going to remake LOTR??????? Like, the film that's basically playing on repeat just about everywhere? That's got its own memes and subreddits?
yeah that's gonna go down well.












they could just do the silmarillion .. there's enough stuff in there for 6 films.
 
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UsandThem

Elite Member
May 4, 2000
16,068
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I wonder if my Amazon Prime subscription will being going up again soon? :oops:

All this money they are spending on Prime Video has to come from somewhere.

That said, I loved the Lord Of The Ring movies (for the most part), but I had to force myself to get through The Hobbit movies. They were so boring.
 

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
70,165
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So how come in the LOTR movies, everybody looks like they’re wearing makeup? I don’t mean wearing makeup to look like hobbits, elves, dwarves, etc. I mean the hobbits look like hobbits wearing makeup, wizards look like wizards wearing makeup, etc.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
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wut?

they .. WHAT? They are going to remake LOTR??????? Like, the film that's basically playing on repeat just about everywhere? That's got its own memes and subreddits?
yeah that's gonna go down well.












they could just do the silmarillion .. there's enough stuff in there for 6 films.

Just read the thing. It's not the Silmarilion, but the 2nd age or some shit. When Sauron was all like, yo bitch dudes, I got these rings and stuff, and you guys get some rings, and let's like fight and stuff, and some middle earth god gets all mad and turns the flat earth into a globe, and those island people drown, and all but like...12 of them flee and found Gondor.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
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So how come in the LOTR movies, everybody looks like they’re wearing makeup? I don’t mean wearing makeup to look like hobbits, elves, dwarves, etc. I mean the hobbits look like hobbits wearing makeup, wizards look like wizards wearing makeup, etc.

It's because in their real, not-carrying-rings-to-Mordor-but-getting-really-distracted-along-the-way lives, they are all actually TV News broadcasters.
 

ElFenix

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Mar 20, 2000
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Just read the thing. It's not the Silmarilion, but the 2nd age or some shit. When Sauron was all like, yo bitch dudes, I got these rings and stuff, and you guys get some rings, and let's like fight and stuff, and some middle earth god gets all mad and turns the flat earth into a globe, and those island people drown, and all but like...12 of them flee and found Gondor.
the doom of numenor? maybe the war of the last alliance?
 
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brainhulk

Diamond Member
Sep 14, 2007
9,376
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I don't think they spent half that much on the six movies...

Hopefully they throw that money at some decent writers and actors/actresses. If they go all Michael Bay action and cgi...:mad:
 
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zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
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the doom of numenor? maybe the war of the last alliance?

Well they are contracted for 5 seasons, apparently, so I think it's all of that. Agent Smith will be involved, as will his sister, at least. ...I don't know man, all I read was what was in the OP's article. It didn't mention any of the "wizards" or what they are actually called, but they would have to be there (or at least around somewhere), because I recall that they were created at the same time as that world was created--older than the elves, I think.
 

BarkingGhostar

Diamond Member
Nov 20, 2009
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I hear the Fire TV remote will feature a special 'adult' button that adds/removes Hobbit clothing. Parental control is a musk.
 

clamum

Lifer
Feb 13, 2003
26,252
403
126
so it's the LOTR prequels.
Basically. I'm not famililar with LOTR beyond the movies but yeah, that's what it sounds like. A couple thousands years before the events of Fellowship of the Ring and the two sequels.

Eh, I'm not too confident on the two showrunners. Their writing credits include Star Trek Beyond (thought it sucked, and I really liked the previous two), Jungle Cruise (not out yet, looks meh), and Escape (no clue what this is). Hopefully they can get Jackson to write everything, lulz.
 

crashtech

Lifer
Jan 4, 2013
10,575
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Just read the thing. It's not the Silmarilion, but the 2nd age or some shit. When Sauron was all like, yo bitch dudes, I got these rings and stuff, and you guys get some rings, and let's like fight and stuff, and some middle earth god gets all mad and turns the flat earth into a globe, and those island people drown, and all but like...12 of them flee and found Gondor.
It's been decades since I read the Silmarillion, but I believe part of it does deal at least briefly with the fall of Numenor and Sauron's dealings with Celebrimbor and the dwarves of Moria, who created the Rings of Power under his tutelage.
 

dasherHampton

Platinum Member
Jan 19, 2018
2,543
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They're obviously going to throw mainly at it but there are some worrisome things in that article.

The main characters aren't Tolkien? I love the hubris of these writers, thinking they can do better than the original author. We saw how that turned out with the Hobbit movies.

One of the producers did "Star Trek:Beyond"? ugh.
 

DigDog

Lifer
Jun 3, 2011
13,746
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no no, the main characters are totally tolkien. It's the story that serves as the background to the LOTR trilogy, i.e. what took place bef..

ohh god, please dont make me do this ..




Ok so.

the LOTR story is backed by a entirely complete creation myth, which Tolkien wrote mostly in The Silmarillion and Lost Tales & Found Tales, plus whatever was salvaged from his personal notes.

To makea VERY long story short, the creation myth is that the world is made by Eru, who creates a whole bunch of "deities", who are all nice except obviously for the Lucifer of the situation, which is Morgoth. Morgoth is - *exactly* like Lucifer, someone who wants more freedom, in the specific, he wants to create life, but was not given that gift by Eru, and this pisses him off.

Eru and cohorts instead create the Elves, who are super-cool beings who are immortal and have quasi-magical abilities, the dwarves who are not quite as immortal but also have quasi-magical abilities, the High Men races, who are also not-quite immortal but nearly, and are not magical but are super super stronk, and Men, who are not at all immortal and basically suck.

The various degree of stronkness of each race is a major factor in how the whole mythos shapes.

So, the Elves go to middle earth and start building an amazing world, a heaven on earth, with their greatest creation being the Two Trees of Valinor. In this time elves could hop on a wooden boat and sail on beam of light to fly to where Eru is - this is a time of magic. Not magic as in wizardry, but rather SONG - the magical song of the Valar that shapes teh world. Through song and smithing, magical creations are made.

So Morgoth at this time looks like a really handsome Elf. He is still very much pissed off that he cannot creat life so he and his buddy Sauron who also looks like a handsome Elf, they hide in magical disguises and visit Celebrimborn and talk him into making a bunch of magical rings, and they lie to him about what these rings do.

Between these last two paragraphs, there is a whole bunch of history that involves Morgoth doing a whole bunch of evil stuff. Also Morgoth's name isn't Morgoth, but rather Melkor, just to complicate things.

As the years go by and Morgoth makes a mess of just about everything, the elves get annoyed at all this, being immortal, they would rather just wait until the end of the world and go back to live with Eru. That is why they withdraw from political life in the third age, during the LOTR films.

At the end, the rings of power are forged, and Sauron unleashes his evil plan that *partially* succeeds - he corrupts the kingdoms of Men. Now, men were not immortal in the slightest bit, but they bred like rabbits, which was Eru's gift to them, so-to-speak. So by this time there's many more fo them, and when the wars start, the Elves basically say f* this im out. Same for the dwarves.

And we come to the LOTR films. The ring wars have destroyed middle earth, and there has been a period of rebuilding, but mostly by Men who have lost the bloodline of the High Men - so no more fighting Balrogs 1v1 - and the lightbridge to Eru has been cut. Morgoth has been cast in a void prison, and Sauron has managed to reform his shape after getting the ring cut off. LOTR starts here.




In the silmarillion, there is A LOT of stuff, there is a shitton of characters, and they *are* important, but unfortunately they come and go - they are only important while they are in the story. So you gonna have a lot of confusion going through it ..
Think that, the book needs to be read several times to pick up all the relevance of the information. Also Tolkien didnt write in plainspeek, he embellished things and sometimes speaks in abstracts, which makes the whole thing even more confusing. At 16yo, i thought it was a horrible book.

The gist of the whole thing is:
1. in the beginning there are so many type A characters - they are very stronk.
2. they fight and die, and are replaced by so many type B characters, who are stronk, but not as stronk
3. again these fight and die, and a whole new bunch of characters come out who are less stronk.
4. the stronkness keeps decreasing, making Sauron's threat seem more and more dangerous
5. when the stronkness has nearly disappeared, the LOTR characters emerge and kick ass.

it's probably gonna be a decent show, and i guarantee you that masses of unwahsed neckbeard neards will cream their pants and fap to sexxxy elves. Also, memes as far as the eye can see.