Am I wrong or is my professor? : I need creative advice

[slackerinabox]

So I showed my professor a storyboard for my new short film...So the topic is horror and I chose to do a film that has more in common with say Memento than Friday the 13th... We start in an messy room and see the evidence of a crime- we get close to a wire and then cut to b&w footage of the wire being used to tie someone up.. We get a close up of a scarf and then get a flash back of someone using it to strangle someone... So, eventually we get to a knife and then see the whole flash back - a man beats up and then eventually kills his gf because she's pregnant.. the last shot is a flashback of her taking the test and then looking at him frightened (he's an abusive jerk so she's terrified of his reaction).. So she told me that there is no suspense and that it's very banal and cruel... I kinda agree but her idea sounds so cheap to me- she wants me to make it a fantasy flick.. he finds out that she's pregnant and then sees various things in the room and then fantasizes about killing her... i think that this is goofy and not a good idea.. what do you guys think? I'm personally tired of jokey/goofy horror but is my concept really banal?



Oh yeah, a "teaser" can be found here - more of an inside joke than a real trailer... trailer

 

[yobarman]

she shouldnt be tellin you how to make your film.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: yobarman
she shouldnt be tellin you how to make your film.

That is true... But do you agree with her ideas? I obviously have the final say here but, still.. I wouldn't want to make an inferior product based on pride.. KNow what i mean?

 

[IEatChildren]

Prove her wrong
There's nothing a teacher hates more than eating his/her own words

 

[MacBaine]

I donno, I kinda like the professors idea, I think it would a little 'darker' than your idea... yours seems too blunt, lacking any suspense like she said. But yeah, I don't know what kind of class it is but it's really up to you what to do with your movie, but she'll be grading it

 

[ATLien247]

Maybe throw in some kind of twist. Like maybe a scene where we see the murdering bastard in prison or in court, and he finds out that the baby wasn't even his...

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: MacBaine
I donno, I kinda like the professors idea, I think it would a little 'darker' than your idea... yours seems too blunt, lacking any suspense like she said. But yeah, I don't know what kind of class it is but it's really up to you what to do with your movie, but she'll be grading it

Well, her idea reminded me too much of "Throw mamma from the train" (or something like that).. What I'm going for is the inevitability of the girl's death.. We know that she's going to die... There's no mystery about that.. But the professor kept on harping on about how that's a bad thing.. To me the mystery is the motive - why is she going to die? That's why the motive is in the end of the film.. But maybe she's right and I'm an idiot..

 

[olds]

I think the whole idea of killing a woman because she is pregnant is in poor taste.
Fantasy/film or not.

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
So I showed my professor a storyboard for my new short film...So the topic is horror and I chose to do a film that has more in common with say Memento than Friday the 13th... We start in an messy room and see the evidence of a crime- we get close to a wire and then cut to b&w footage of the wire being used to tie someone up.. We get a close up of a scarf and then get a flash back of someone using it to strangle someone... So, eventually we get to a knife and then see the whole flash back - a man beats up and then eventually kills his gf because she's pregnant.. the last shot is a flashback of her taking the test and then looking at him frightened (he's an abusive jerk so she's terrified of his reaction).. So she told me that there is no suspense and that it's very banal and cruel... I kinda agree but her idea sounds so cheap to me- she wants me to make it a fantasy flick.. he finds out that she's pregnant and then sees various things in the room and then fantasizes about killing her... i think that this is goofy and not a good idea.. what do you guys think? I'm personally tired of jokey/goofy horror but is my concept really banal?

Yours isn't really a horror film to me. Would you call Memento and Irreversible horror films?

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: ATLien247
Maybe throw in some kind of twist. Like maybe a scene where we see the murdering bastard in prison or in court, and he finds out that the baby wasn't even his...

That's a nifty idea but I don't have the budget for that nor do I have sound equipment - the class is 16mm film production I (silent film production)...I'll try to think of other twists though...

 

[Stark]

the fantasy angle is more beliveable

some guy committing 1st degree murder because an EPT comes back positive is a little far fetched. fetus murder, er, abortion is still legal, so what's his motivation to kill his girlfriend?

Plus, it sounds like a ripoff of the scott peterson story.

 

[dfi]

Since you're asking, I think her idea sounds more entertaining than yours. There is suspense because you don't know if he will kill her or not. Whereas in your idea the viewer knows pretty quickly that she will die (once they see her tied up).

If you use her idea, you could make it so that he fantasizes about killing her, and doing it in a certain matter (say, by first covering first mouth, etc). He keeps fantasizing while she is talking about their future. The fantansy is in b&w. Then, after he has thought the fantasy through, he approaches her and covers her mouth, just like in his fantasy. Then he wakes up. And he is sleeping next to his gf. She is asleep and he looks down at her as if contemplating whether or not to kill her.

edit: right after he wakes up and looks down at her, he could even have another fantasy, in b&w, about he is going to kill her now. And then end the film right there.

dfi

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Stark
the fantasy angle is more beliveable

some guy committing 1st degree murder because an EPT comes back positive is a little far fetched. fetus murder, er, abortion is still legal, so what's his motivation to kill his girlfriend?

Plus, it sounds like a ripoff of the scott peterson story.

You just proved that it isn't very far fetched... I got the idea after seeing a talk show about the topic.. woman doesnt' want an abortion.. man doesnt; want a baby...

 

[JackDawkins]

Just figure out a way to work two lesbians into the story and all will be well.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: dfi
Since you're asking, I think her idea sounds more entertaining than yours. There is suspense because you don't know if he will kill her or not. Whereas in your idea the viewer knows pretty quickly that she will die (once they see her tied up).

If you use her idea, you could make it so that he fantasizes about killing her, and doing it in a certain matter (say, by first covering first mouth, etc). He keeps fantasizing while she is talking about their future. The fantansy is in b&w. Then, after he has thought the fantasy through, he approaches her and covers her mouth, just like in his fantasy. Then he wakes up. And he is sleeping next to his gf. She is asleep and he looks down at her as if contemplating whether or not to kill her.

dfi

OK, seems like more people like the fantasy angle.. I just want to avoid black humor and instead want to go for something more disturbing than either funny or even scary... She said that mine plays like a "how to guide" for killing someone and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing... The fantasy angle cheapens the idea to me in that, when the film is over, you're left with nothing to think about.. If the whole short is her getting killed and then we see a flashback to the reason - a horrible monster of a bf who kills his gf for just being pregnant- i think if that's the final shot (of her looking terrified) then it'll have more emotional impact and leave you kinda disturbed and not relieved...but if more people like the fantasy angle......

 

[dfi]

I understand that you want the viewer to know she will die/is dead, and think that the motive of the killer is important. But I don't see it capturing the viewer's attention very much. When I watch very short films (<10 min), what keeps me interested is lack of information. The character is going through a sequence of actions without a clear purpose and/or an ending that seems unclear. Because the film is so short, character development and attachment etc is pretty much absent. So it seems best to hide the ending instead of revealing it.

dfi

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: JackDawkins
Just figure out a way to work two lesbians into the story and all will be well.

Dude, you should see some of the actors who volunteer for my films (actors as a unisex term that is)... If I was an ass I would so throw together a lesbian exploitation flick.. Alas, I have morals and would be terrified directing naked women...

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: dfi
Since you're asking, I think her idea sounds more entertaining than yours. There is suspense because you don't know if he will kill her or not. Whereas in your idea the viewer knows pretty quickly that she will die (once they see her tied up).

If you use her idea, you could make it so that he fantasizes about killing her, and doing it in a certain matter (say, by first covering first mouth, etc). He keeps fantasizing while she is talking about their future. The fantansy is in b&w. Then, after he has thought the fantasy through, he approaches her and covers her mouth, just like in his fantasy. Then he wakes up. And he is sleeping next to his gf. She is asleep and he looks down at her as if contemplating whether or not to kill her.

dfi

OK, seems like more people like the fantasy angle.. I just want to avoid black humor and instead want to go for something more disturbing than either funny or even scary... She said that mine plays like a "how to guide" for killing someone and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing... The fantasy angle cheapens the idea to me in that, when the film is over, you're left with nothing to think about.. If the whole short is her getting killed and then we see a flashback to the reason - a horrible monster of a bf who kills his gf for just being pregnant- i think if that's the final shot (of her looking terrified) then it'll have more emotional impact and leave you kinda disturbed and not relieved...but if more people like the fantasy angle......

Is she's the one that's goign to be grading you? If so, it'll be best if you do what she thinks is good rather than what you think is good. As you know, art classes aren't the same as math classes, where things are structured and all the answers are the same. Art is subjective to the viewer. If you want a good grade, do what you believe the prof is going to be considered good.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: Moralpanic

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: dfi
Since you're asking, I think her idea sounds more entertaining than yours. There is suspense because you don't know if he will kill her or not. Whereas in your idea the viewer knows pretty quickly that she will die (once they see her tied up).

If you use her idea, you could make it so that he fantasizes about killing her, and doing it in a certain matter (say, by first covering first mouth, etc). He keeps fantasizing while she is talking about their future. The fantansy is in b&w. Then, after he has thought the fantasy through, he approaches her and covers her mouth, just like in his fantasy. Then he wakes up. And he is sleeping next to his gf. She is asleep and he looks down at her as if contemplating whether or not to kill her.

dfi

OK, seems like more people like the fantasy angle.. I just want to avoid black humor and instead want to go for something more disturbing than either funny or even scary... She said that mine plays like a "how to guide" for killing someone and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing... The fantasy angle cheapens the idea to me in that, when the film is over, you're left with nothing to think about.. If the whole short is her getting killed and then we see a flashback to the reason - a horrible monster of a bf who kills his gf for just being pregnant- i think if that's the final shot (of her looking terrified) then it'll have more emotional impact and leave you kinda disturbed and not relieved...but if more people like the fantasy angle......

Is she's the one that's goign to be grading you? If so, it'll be best if you do what she thinks is good rather than what you think is good. As you know, art classes aren't the same as math classes, where things are structured and all the answers are the same. Art is subjective to the viewer. If you want a good grade, do what you believe the prof is going to be considered good.

Well, I'm more concerned with having a worthy finished product than the grade

 

[Ogg]

Originally posted by: yobarman
she shouldnt be tellin you how to make your film.

Make it how you want it tobe and then accept your F.

 

[MacBaine]

Why not have it like somebody said, during his trial, or somehow reliving the crime, but we've already see the crime scene. Have different accounts of it, and each time we see something completely different happening but resulting in the crime scene we see at the end.

 

[notfred]

Yours sounds like an episode of cops turned into a amde for TV movie, not a horror film.

 

[rockyct]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
So I showed my professor a storyboard for my new short film...So the topic is horror and I chose to do a film that has more in common with say Memento than Friday the 13th... We start in an messy room and see the evidence of a crime- we get close to a wire and then cut to b&w footage of the wire being used to tie someone up.. We get a close up of a scarf and then get a flash back of someone using it to strangle someone... So, eventually we get to a knife and then see the whole flash back - a man beats up and then eventually kills his gf because she's pregnant.. the last shot is a flashback of her taking the test and then looking at him frightened (he's an abusive jerk so she's terrified of his reaction).. So she told me that there is no suspense and that it's very banal and cruel... I kinda agree but her idea sounds so cheap to me- she wants me to make it a fantasy flick.. he finds out that she's pregnant and then sees various things in the room and then fantasizes about killing her... i think that this is goofy and not a good idea.. what do you guys think? I'm personally tired of jokey/goofy horror but is my concept really banal?



Oh yeah, a "teaser" can be found here - more of an inside joke than a real trailer... trailer

I kind of like her take better. Your story, to be honest, looks like a CSI episode of the Laci Peterson case like someone mentioned before. How about this twist on her take? The girl finds out she's pregnant and remembers a flashback to when the boyfriend said, "you better not get pregnant" or something like that. She then imagines what his reaction could be; him beating her up, telling her he's leaving her, murders her, imagination progressively gets worse. Then the boyfriend comes in interrupting her last shot. He sees the test and her hand and realizes she's pregnant. He then thinks about the bad things about having a baby and what he could do to stop her from having it. Then he starts to think about the possible good things about having a baby and realizes that maybe it isn't a bad thing after-all. Then the ending shot is of him hugging her with a loving look on his face. I know it's kind of touchy feelly, but I'll just putting it out there.

 

[IEatChildren]

Make it like an episode of Matlock.
Show the crime being committed at the beginning and as the plot develops, you show more and more about why it was done.

 

[Alex]

id say a mixture of both...

hows this: it stats out like you said, but he's just fantasising it... but elaborate more and stuff

and then maybe at the end of its a short flick, he realizes that he's insane and that he wasnt fantasising and he actually DID kill her?

pure genious