Am I going too far with this? EDIT: Turning it in! UPDATE: It rocked :)

[sao123]

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny

Originally posted by: sao123

it would be quite funny to realize (in the last line) if you go where no man has gone before...
there may not be any strawberries there...

I don't follow



Poem Version Beta:

OMG I have eaten too moishe
strawberries. Strawberries takens me
over ahhhh burp. From my tippity tip
pawsies to my tippity tip earsies I?s
have become strawberry-fied. I ams
Captain of the starship U. S. S. Strawberry-prise,
to explore tasty new worlds,
to seek out new lifes and new civiliza ? burp,
to go where no
OMG I CANT GO THERE, THEY MAY NOT HAVE ANY STRAWBERRIES THERE!!!

I was thinking something to that effect.
You're not sharing strawberries... your an addict...

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny

Originally posted by: sao123

it would be quite funny to realize (in the last line) if you go where no man has gone before...
there may not be any strawberries there...

I don't follow



Poem Version Beta:

OMG I have eaten too moishe
strawberries. Strawberries takens me
over ahhhh burp. From my tippity tip
pawsies to my tippity tip earsies I?s
have become strawberry-fied. I ams
Captain of the starship U. S. S. Strawberry-prise,
to explore tasty new worlds,
to seek out new lifes and new civiliza ? burp,
to go where no
OMG I CANT GO THERE, THEY MAY NOT HAVE ANY STRAWBERRIES THERE!!!

I was thinking something to that effect.
You're not sharing strawberries... your an addict...

Hahaha nice. I'll definitely think about adding that in for the final draft.

BTW, the reason I ended it the way I did was to have the title make sense. Its purpose is to make people think of Smucker's making their Strawberry Jam by overfeeding bunnies and making them explode

Just trying to bring some quirky magic back into poetry, is all

 

[JJChicken]

a few suggestions:

OMG I have eaten too moishe
strawberries. Strawberries takens me
over ahhhh burp. From my tippity tip
pawsies to my tippity tip earsies I?s
have become strawberry-fied. I ams
Captain of the starship U. S. S. Strawberry-prise,
to explore tasty new worlds,
and explain to you in not more than a few words
to seek out new lifes and new civiliza ? burp,
to go where no poet has gone with his or her verse
OMG I CANT GO THERE, though it proves my lyrical flair
THEY MAY NOT HAVE ANY STRAWBERRIES THERE!!!

hope u like! and best of luck

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: NL mkII

Originally posted by: sm8000
But you're asking, "Am I going too far with this?" And we're saying, "Yes!" And you're saying, "Well, I've got the version that I'm going to turn in."

My opinion is that if you want to go too far but dont, you might as well give up! The poem that bunny has written is a very deep portrayal of a scene that she has captured in her minds eye expressed using the language of the creature depicted within. To move away from what she see's would just be wrong and turn something that could strike a chord with a few people in to something that everyone would look at and say "yeah its ok, but can I please read something else?"

FuzzyBabyBunny is a guy

 

[nakedfrog]

That's awesome. I :heart: you.

 

[SilthDraeth]

Strange...but good.

 

[NL mkII]

FuzzyBabyBunny is a guy

oh, wow....

um....

....

...

I suppose my point still holds, which in response to SVT Cobra is... there is no point in trying to be average

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny

Originally posted by: sao123

it would be quite funny to realize (in the last line) if you go where no man has gone before...
there may not be any strawberries there...

I don't follow



Poem Version Beta:

OMG I have eaten too moishe
strawberries. Strawberries takens me
over ahhhh burp. From my tippity tip
pawsies to my tippity tip earsies I?s
have become strawberry-fied. I ams
Captain of the starship U. S. S. Strawberry-prise,
to explore tasty new worlds,
to seek out new lifes and new civiliza ? burp,
to go where no
OMG I CANT GO THERE, THEY MAY NOT HAVE ANY STRAWBERRIES THERE!!!

I was thinking something to that effect.
You're not sharing strawberries... your an addict...

Hahaha nice. I'll definitely think about adding that in for the final draft.

BTW, the reason I ended it the way I did was to have the title make sense. Its purpose is to make people think of Smucker's making their Strawberry Jam by overfeeding bunnies and making them explode

Just trying to bring some quirky magic back into poetry, is all

make sure you post final version

 

[yowolabi]

Originally posted by: paulxcook
I guess if you're going to intentionally piss your teacher off, you might as well go all the way.

This is how I feel. I say turn it in.

 

[MrDudeMan]

the poem isnt creative. it is annoying. it doesnt say anything insightful, but it does sound like an online lingo generator threw-up on a word document. im not making fun of it because it is fun, but because it really doesnt constitute creativity or anything genuinely insightful.

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

Report on how it went

 

[fuzzybabybunny]

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: pontifex
lol

You know, I don't get why schools require us to do stuff like this. Writing a poem or story is something that requires the talent to do so. if you don't have the talent, its pretty much impossible, so I don't see how forcing you to try to do so is going to do anything.

How do you know you don't have the talent unless you try?