Am I being unreasonable? *UPDATE 2*

[slackerinabox]

Here's the situation in a bulleted list to avoid needless exposition:

* Parents are moving to a condo. They're keeping their current co-op and waiting for the property value to increase

* They offered me the place just for the cost of the maintenance fees - $700. I didn't think that's fair so I offered them $1,100 per month. I agreed because, with a roommate, it's much cheaper than my current rent

* They needed help for a remodeling job (a kitchen) in my current place. it has a 1950s look and they want to modernize it, refreshing the apartment to make it sellable in the future.

*they called a few handymen and the estimates ranged wildly - from $3,500 to $17,000. I introduced them to a good friend of mine, a fellow with a wonderful portfolio who's hit hard times and willing to work for far less than he's worth. He offered to do the job for $2,000 - based on me being a good friend

* My parents give him a verbal confirmation - agreeing to give him the job and askign him to start the job on Wednesday (today)

* My parents call me the day before he was to start the job to tell me, not him, that they found someone else and that he wouldn't be needed.

Now the aftermath:
* I'm furious because they gave him his word. I feel that they're being unethical and unprofessional

* I threatened to not move in so that they could understand the harm of flaking at the last moment. I mean it and it was not just a threat - I have an appointment tonight

* I offered a compromise - they pay my friend 50% of the job, as a penalty for breaking a verbal contract

Am I being fair? Unfair? My parents are claiming that I'm over reacting but I know my friend's situation - he planned on paying rent with this gig and they snatched it away, so I'm rather frustrated..

*Update 1*
Had a long talk with my dad and mom. My dad refused to hear my side - "we're the owner and we can choose who fixes our place!" is all he said, without hearing my point of making a verbal contract with my friend. I spoke to my mom after that and she understood where I was coming from and said that she believed my dad was being rash. I actually made her cry - I said that they should be teaching me how to be ethical and fair and not vice versa.

I plan on offering this compromise tonight, let me know if you think it's fair:
* My friend should get a $500-$1,000 breach of verbal contract payment
* They offered to have him instead paint the place, which I don't think on it's on is a fair compromise (they still have to paint the place without his help, and they're getting a better deal hiring him). I'll say that I'll field 3 estimates for the job and award my friend the job at the lowest estimate, to ensure that he's getting a fare rate
* I'll have them apologize to him, just because I think their actions were not only unprofessional but rude and I don't want their unethical behavior to reflect poorly upon me or my friendship with him.

I'll stop threating to move, I'll stop being pissed. It's just so weird that my parents and my ethics differ so strongly.

UPDATE 2 Karma Strikes Back!

This ended up in a pretty funny way. Again, in bullets since I'm lazy (ok, dashes):

- I calm things down with my parents and look for a "diplomatic solution": i asked them to be fair and give my pal $2,000 worth of worth since they do need a lot of painting/remodeling. In order to be mature and fair, I don't mention anything about a breach of contract fee, but ask them to treat him fairly and to never breach contract again. They agree and allotted work to him, based on what they both felt was fair. Plus they gave him another closet remodeling job - for $500 extra.. He walks out ahead and everyone's happy

- The people who undersold my pal do one day of demolition and then demand more money! EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT THEY'D DO. I step in and call them on their bluff - I ask them to pack their gear and we'll pay them $500 for the work completed.

- They offer the job to my pal, on their own, and he takes it - he's getting twice what he anticipated based on my parents not doing the honorable thing

 

[fbrdphreak]

I would be pissed too. Stand up to your parents, tell them your feelings, but I wouldn't do something so rash as to not move in or anything. Paying half or even paying him to do the damn job seem reasonable to me, doesn't sound like they're hurting for money.

Maybe take your buddy out for a dinner, your treat?

 

[crisscross]

Props to you for standing up to your parents..i see you are of Indian origin.. double props to you.. don't see too many Indians do that.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: crisscross
Props to you for standing up to your parents..i see you are of Indian origin.. double props to you.. don't see too many Indians do that.

wait, how could you tell that I'm of indian origin? not that it matters, i'm a new yorker by birth, so my parents can shove it!

 

[dullard]

I say let it go.

Why punish yourself to spite your parents (which in the end is just punish yourself again)? You clearly stated it'll be much cheaper for you to live there, so why pay so much more for something petty like this?

What about your roommate? Or was that just an idea that hasn't materialized yet? Because, if you have a roommate already planned, you are now backing out on that at the last minute.

Family is too important. They know they wronged your friend. You don't have to prove it again to them that they wronged your friend. It could drive a big wedge between you and your parents. Damage like this can be irrepairable.

And this is one more reason never to do buisness deals with your family. Of course it is too late for that little bit of advice, but maybe you'll learn for next time.

 

[The Batt?sai]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: crisscross
Props to you for standing up to your parents..i see you are of Indian origin.. double props to you.. don't see too many Indians do that.

wait, how could you tell that I'm of indian origin? not that it matters, i'm a new yorker by birth, so my parents can shove it!

lmao :laugh:

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
wait, how could you tell that I'm of indian origin? not that it matters, i'm a new yorker by birth, so my parents can shove it!

From your profile maybe? Is this you?

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
wait, how could you tell that I'm of indian origin? not that it matters, i'm a new yorker by birth, so my parents can shove it!

From your profile maybe? Is this you?

yeah, that's me, but how did he know that?!? don't stalk me, i'm not a hot chick nor am i rich!

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
yeah, that's me, but how did he know that?!? don't stalk me, i'm not a hot chick nor am i rich!

Ah, but the internet is an all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipresent force that is unstoppable.

 

[thirtythree]

Have your friend move in with you if he can't afford his rent. Only pay your parents $700/mo. till half of the job cost is paid to your friend. Or just forget it about it.

 

[BrokenVisage]

lol, unresponsable..

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Here's the situation in a bulleted list to avoid needless exposition:

* Parents are moving to a condo. They're keeping their current co-op and waiting for the property value to increase

* They offered me the place just for the cost of the maintenance fees - $700. I didn't think that's fair so I offered them $1,100 per month. I agreed because, with a roommate, it's much cheaper than my current rent

* They needed help for a remodeling job (a kitchen) in my current place. it has a 1950s look and they want to modernize it, refreshing the apartment to make it sellable in the future.

*they called a few handymen and the estimates ranged wildly - from $3,500 to $17,000. I introduced them to a good friend of mine, a fellow with a wonderful portfolio who's hit hard times and willing to work for far less than he's worth. He offered to do the job for $2,000 - based on me being a good friend

* My parents give him a verbal confirmation - agreeing to give him the job and askign him to start the job on Wednesday (today)

* My parents call me the day before he was to start the job to tell me, not him, that they found someone else and that he wouldn't be needed.

Now the aftermath:
* I'm furious because they gave him his word. I feel that they're being unethical and unprofessional

* I threatened to not move in so that they could understand the harm of flaking at the last moment. I mean it and it was not just a threat - I have an appointment tonight

* I offered a compromise - they pay my friend 50% of the job, as a penalty for breaking a verbal contract

Am I being fair? Unfair? My parents are claiming that I'm over reacting but I know my friend's situation - he planned on paying rent with this gig and they snatched it away, so I'm rather frustrated..

Since you seem to believe it's the right thing to do, pay it yourself. If you won't pay it, stop whining, you're just as greedy.

 

[KB]

Just tell your parents your disappionted in them and then let it go. You aren't likely to change their mind and you don't want to fight with your parents over this.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Here's the situation in a bulleted list to avoid needless exposition:

* Parents are moving to a condo. They're keeping their current co-op and waiting for the property value to increase

* They offered me the place just for the cost of the maintenance fees - $700. I didn't think that's fair so I offered them $1,100 per month. I agreed because, with a roommate, it's much cheaper than my current rent

* They needed help for a remodeling job (a kitchen) in my current place. it has a 1950s look and they want to modernize it, refreshing the apartment to make it sellable in the future.

*they called a few handymen and the estimates ranged wildly - from $3,500 to $17,000. I introduced them to a good friend of mine, a fellow with a wonderful portfolio who's hit hard times and willing to work for far less than he's worth. He offered to do the job for $2,000 - based on me being a good friend

* My parents give him a verbal confirmation - agreeing to give him the job and askign him to start the job on Wednesday (today)

* My parents call me the day before he was to start the job to tell me, not him, that they found someone else and that he wouldn't be needed.

Now the aftermath:
* I'm furious because they gave him his word. I feel that they're being unethical and unprofessional

* I threatened to not move in so that they could understand the harm of flaking at the last moment. I mean it and it was not just a threat - I have an appointment tonight

* I offered a compromise - they pay my friend 50% of the job, as a penalty for breaking a verbal contract

Am I being fair? Unfair? My parents are claiming that I'm over reacting but I know my friend's situation - he planned on paying rent with this gig and they snatched it away, so I'm rather frustrated..

Since you seem to believe it's the right thing to do, pay it yourself. If you won't pay it, stop whining, you're just as greedy.

I'm prepared to do that if I have to. I can't afford it but it's what I feel is right.

 

[skimple]

Originally posted by: thirtythree
Have your friend move in with you if he can't afford his rent. Only pay your parents $700/mo. till half of the job cost is paid to your friend. Or just forget it about it.

Now THAT's a good idea! Tell your parents that you are taking $400 out of the rent for 5 months and paying your friend. You'll still pay the same amount you planned to, but you'll help your friend and aggrevate your parents at the same time.

 

[BigJ]

Originally posted by: skimple

Originally posted by: thirtythree
Have your friend move in with you if he can't afford his rent. Only pay your parents $700/mo. till half of the job cost is paid to your friend. Or just forget it about it.

Now THAT's a good idea! Tell your parents that you are taking $400 out of the rent for 5 months and paying your friend. You'll still pay the same amount you planned to, but you'll help your friend and aggrevate your parents at the same time.

I'm so glad nobody takes the time to read the OP.

* They offered me the place just for the cost of the maintenance fees - $700. I didn't think that's fair so I offered them $1,100 per month. I agreed because, with a roommate, it's much cheaper than my current rent

Now if my son tried to give me $300/month after I was doing him a favor, I'd evict his ass.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
* My parents give him a verbal confirmation - agreeing to give him the job and askign him to start the job on Wednesday (today)

Generally (I don't know what state you and your parents are in, and contract law is usually state-specific), they've formed a contract at this point, and your friend might have grounds to sue for breach. I think your parents were wrong to back out after giving your friend confirmation and a start date. That's generally going to be binding.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: BigJ
I'm so glad nobody takes the time to read the OP.

* They offered me the place just for the cost of the maintenance fees - $700. I didn't think that's fair so I offered them $1,100 per month. I agreed because, with a roommate, it's much cheaper than my current rent

Now if my son tried to give me $300/month after I was doing him a favor, I'd evict his ass.

BigJ, I think you need to read the OP. Instead of giving the $700 + $400, Skimple said to give just the $700. Then take that $400 the parents didn't even want and give it to his friend. No one said anything about $1100 - $400 - $400 = $300. You are off by $400.

 

[BigJ]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: BigJ
I'm so glad nobody takes the time to read the OP.

* They offered me the place just for the cost of the maintenance fees - $700. I didn't think that's fair so I offered them $1,100 per month. I agreed because, with a roommate, it's much cheaper than my current rent

Now if my son tried to give me $300/month after I was doing him a favor, I'd evict his ass.

BigJ, I think you need to read the OP. Instead of giving the $700 + $400, Skimple said to give just the $700. Then take that $400 the parents didn't even want and give it to his friend.

The parents only wanted $700 in the first place. They don't care what he does with the extra money, whether it's give it to them or his friend. Your statement is correct, but it in absolutely no way "negatively" impacts the parents. All it is, is a noble gesture on the part of the OP.

As for the $300 scenario, that was proposed because that's the only way he would be "teaching his parents a lesson." This scenario wasn't necessarily aimed at the posters I quoted, but at the OP because he comes off as being vindictive.

 

[slackerinabox]

*Update 1*
Had a long talk with my dad and mom. My dad refused to hear my side - "we're the owner and we can choose who fixes our place!" is all he said, without hearing my point of making a verbal contract with my friend. I spoke to my mom after that and she understood where I was coming from and said that she believed my dad was being rash. I actually made her cry - I said that they should be teaching me how to be ethical and fair and not vice versa.

I plan on offering this compromise tonight, let me know if you think it's fair:
* My friend should get a $500-$1,000 breach of verbal contract payment
* They offered to have him instead paint the place, which I don't think on it's on is a fair compromise (they still have to paint the place without his help, and they're getting a better deal hiring him). I'll say that I'll field 3 estimates for the job and award my friend the job at the lowest estimate, to ensure that he's getting a fare rate
* I'll have them apologize to him, just because I think their actions were not only unprofessional but rude and I don't want their unethical behavior to reflect poorly upon me or my friendship with him.

I'll stop threateening to move, I'll stop being pissed. I won't dock my rent... I can be mature even though I don't think they're offering the same respect. It's just so weird that my parents and my ethics differ so strongly.

 

[MustangSVT]

are you still moving in or not?

what is your father's reason for hiring someone else and being an ass?

 

[Stuxnet]

freedomsbeat212

I'm rather impressed with your character. That you would stand up to your parents in this situation is quite commendable. I don't know your father from Adam, but from the short description of what's happened it sounds like he could take a few lessons from you.

I think you're very justified in being pissed. Your dad's rationale of "we can choose who fixes our place!" is true, but he's not addressing the point. He already chose who was going to do it: YOUR FRIEND. Your dad went back on his word.

While it would still be kind of crummy to do this to an actual company - especially the day before the job is to begin - it's REALLY bad that he did this under these particular circumstances.

It's a little startling how little he appreciates the awkward position he's put you in, and the fact that he couldn't have this conversation with your friend "face to face" (read: not having you deliver the bad news) is even more telling.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: jbourne77
freedomsbeat212

I'm rather impressed with your character. That you would stand up to your parents in this situation is quite commendable. I don't know your father from Adam, but from the short description of what's happened it sounds like he could take a few lessons from you.

I think you're very justified in being pissed. Your dad's rationale of "we can choose who fixes our place!" is true, but he's not addressing the point. He already chose who was going to do it: YOUR FRIEND. Your dad went back on his word.

While it would still be kind of crummy to do this to an actual company - especially the day before the job is to begin - it's REALLY bad that he did this under these particular circumstances.

It's a little startling how little he appreciates the awkward position he's put you in, and the fact that he couldn't have this conversation with your friend "face to face" (read: not having you deliver the bad news) is even more telling.

That's the worst part! My pal is being a nice guy about this but I set him with this gig and I'm the one who will look like the bad guy in the end. He understand's that it's my father but, still, people are judged by the actions of their parents all the time.

I didn't want to add a lot of drama to my original posting but my pal recently lost a job and has been struggling to get a new one since his english isn't perfect (though he's learning and it's getting better). So he's hit really tough times and this was kinda the light at the end of the tunnel that he was looking for.

To the people who suggested him moving in with me - well, we're both adults. I don't expect him to pick up and relocate, though I would gladly let a friend crash at my place when need be. Also, there's the superficial need for privacy (not that I plan on having many women over - but let's keep those fingers crossed!). So it's not really a realistic compromise.

 

[fbrdphreak]

Sounds like you need to talk to your Mom on this one. Leave Dad out of it and let her crack that whip

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: MustangSVT
are you still moving in or not?

what is your father's reason for hiring someone else and being an ass?

I'm probably still moving in. I gave notice at to my current roommates two months ago and a replacement roommate has been found, and finding a new place in 2 weeks will be a bit difficult. I admit that my burst about not moving in wasn't rational but the result of my parents not listening to me (yes, i was having a bit of a hissy fit).

They didn't hire him because another contracter came in the next day and "dazzled" my dad. My friend was being realistic throughout the estimate procedure - my dad asked for marble counter tops and David was honest and told him that it wouldn't be possible at my father's budget and made suggestions to make things happen at a fair price. This other guy must have lied and under-estimated the job while planning on asking for more money after the kitchen is gutted and my dad has no other choice than to pay up. I've seen low-balling contractors do that all the time...