am I being too harsh?

[TechBoyJK]

I have a deadbeat friend, told him if he didn't get a job in a month, I'd embarass him.

After a month, nada..

So i posted this on myspace as a bulletin. After reading it, you might know why I wanted to embarass him.

I know I'm probably a big jerk for doing this, but I don't care. I'm not doing this to make myself look better, I'm doing this because I need to shine some light on a very dark situation.

Garrett is a good friend of mine. I grew up with him as he lived right down the street. He was an only child, and as we grew up, our friends all knew his parents were over protective.

Now its clear how damaging this was. He's 28 years old, and he is still living in the same bedroom he's been in his entire life. He's never moved out. He hasn't had a steady job in over 10 years, and hasn't seen a real paycheck in over 5 or more. He doesn't have a checking account, doesn't have a car, couldn't buy his own computer and had to wait for a hand me down, and all he does is borrow money from his parents to buy beer and play online poker.

He doesn't have a life, can't get a girlfriend, and he is making absolutely no effort to better himself. I seriously think is going to wait for his parents to die so he can get the house. That, or he is going to realize how much he has wasted his and his parents time and kill himself.

As a friend, I'm worried about him, because he used to be a bright guy. He used to be gung ho about being a web designer or a graphic designer. I'll give him credit, he actually has 2 associate degrees, but it doesn't matter since he makes ZERO effort to find work.

In contrast, take my friend Denzil, for example. He joined the military. Spent like 6 years in freezing North Dakota. Came home, signed up for school, took advantage of governement Entitlements (financial aid, etc), moved in with his friend, and got his ass in gear. He thought he had enough entitlements to just go to school and not have to work, but that didn't completely work out. As soon as he found out he needed to get a job, DUDE HAD ONE in a matter of days. He wasted no time, and that should be NORMAL behavior. He didn't freak out, move back in with his parents, and mooch off them, no he went and found work so he could support himself. He wasn't embarassed to take a non career job. He took what he could and ran with it.

Garrett has less than 2 years before he is 30. He can't pay his own bills, get his own car, buy food for himself or anything, and if his parents try to get him to do anything, he gets violent with them. It's like a baby thats sucking on his mom's nipple. If you try and pull the baby away, it cries. So they are now scared of him. But they are so overprotective (his dad not so much, but his mom terribly so), that I think they know he doesn't have the mental capacity to be independant, so they won't force him out of the house, since they are afraid he will just go homeless. It's like he never really got off his mom's nipple.

I really don't know what to do about this guy....... I hate to be embarassing and calling him out like this, but I've tried everything else. So I ask, anybody that knows Garrett, punch him in the arm everytime you see him until he can say he has a damn job. If being publicly embarassed about his way of life, attitude towards his parents and abuse of their willingness to support him doesn't motivate him to grow up and be a MAN, maybe some thick and constant bruises might motivate him. His parents have given him every advantage a kid could ask for......

 

[meltdown75]

wait - there's a 28-year-old dude on MYSPACE?!

no hope for him anyway, but you're kind of a dick for voicing your opinion like you did. just my 0.02

 

[Kadarin]

Any reaction?

 

[Kyle]

Yeah...kind of a jerk move putting that up for everyone to see.
What do you see it accomplishing? Other than pissing off this "good friend" of yours...
I'm not defending him in the least, but airing out his dirty laundry for all to see isnt a very "friendly" thing to do- just going to embarass him...

 

[olds]

<--- L&R

 

[Kirby]

He's old enough to make those decisions himself.

 

[Bryophyte]

That sounds like an excellent way to push someone who is probably mentally ill completely off his rocker so he'll go put a gun in his mouth. Bravo.

I'd like to add that you're completely out of line to get involved in his decision making. He's an adult and will make good or bad decisions and is not answerable to you. If you think he's physically abusing his mother, you may have a good reason to intervene (talk to his father or call the police), but all you're doing now is making things worse.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: Kyle
Yeah...kind of a jerk move putting that up for everyone to see.
What do you see it accomplishing? Other than pissing off this "good friend" of yours...
I'm not defending him in the least, but airing out his dirty laundry for all to see isnt a very "friendly" thing to do- just going to embarass him...

I promised to embarass him if he didn't go get a job.

 

[Kelemvor]

Probably better to just tell him you're no longer interested in continuing your relationship at any level until he proves he is going to make something of his life. Tell him you don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't care about anything.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
That sounds like an excellent way to push someone who is probably mentally ill completely off his rocker so he'll go put a gun in his mouth. Bravo.

I'd like to add that you're completely out of line to get involved in his decision making. He's an adult and will make good or bad decisions and is not answerable to you. If you think he's physically abusing his mother, you may have a good reason to intervene (talk to his father or call the police), but all you're doing now is making things worse.

He's being a bitch. His parents said they won't buy him another car until he gets a job. He told them he wont go try and get a job until they buy him a car! He treats it like he can just sit on his ass until his parents cave and give him more money, a car, w/e. Until then, he just wakes up and plays poker online or finds ways to go get drunk.

His friends and I have talked to his parents. His mom is a wreck from it, but she just doesn't know how to deal with it. They adopted him, so they've always wanted to spoil him but now its all backfired.

 

[BoomerD]

His parents need to "man up" and throw him out on his ass. Give him 30 days to find gainful employment or he's out the door.

It's a "Tough Love" kind of thing. As long as they continue to molly-coddle him, he'll likely never grow up.

And I agree with some of the other posters. You were just being a dick for posting that kind of stuff about your "friend." What gives you the right to make his problems known to anyone? Why is it any of your business? If you don't like the fact that the guy is a worthless slug, quit hanging around with him.
/thread

 

[mh47g]

If I was your friend I would've promised to beat the shit out of you. Twice.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
His parents need to "man up" and throw him out on his ass. Give him 30 days to find gainful employment or he's out the door.

It's a "Tough Love" kind of thing. As long as they continue to molly-coddle him, he'll likely never grow up.

And I agree with some of the other posters. You were just being a dick for posting that kind of stuff about your "friend." What gives you the right to make his problems known to anyone? Why is it any of your business? If you don't like the fact that the guy is a worthless slug, quit hanging around with him.
/thread

because if he thinks nobody really knows how he is living, nobody will care, and he can just keep going on like he is.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
That sounds like an excellent way to push someone who is probably mentally ill completely off his rocker so he'll go put a gun in his mouth. Bravo.

I'd like to add that you're completely out of line to get involved in his decision making. He's an adult and will make good or bad decisions and is not answerable to you. If you think he's physically abusing his mother, you may have a good reason to intervene (talk to his father or call the police), but all you're doing now is making things worse.

He's being a bitch. His parents said they won't buy him another car until he gets a job. He told them he wont go try and get a job until they buy him a car! He treats it like he can just sit on his ass until his parents cave and give him more money, a car, w/e. Until then, he just wakes up and plays poker online or finds ways to go get drunk.

His friends and I have talked to his parents. His mom is a wreck from it, but she just doesn't know how to deal with it. They adopted him, so they've always wanted to spoil him but now its all backfired.

Do you not understand that it's not your place to force anyone to do anything? If you don't like the guy, don't hang out with him. If he ASKS for your advice, give him your opinion, otherwise, keep your nose out of his business. You are not personally responsible for his successes and failures in life, and you're completely crossing the line when you say things like "I have a deadbeat friend, told him if he didn't get a job in a month, I'd embarass him." and "I promised to embarass him if he didn't go get a job." and "I really don't know what to do about this guy....... I hate to be embarassing and calling him out like this, but I've tried everything else." and "I'm doing this because I need to shine some light on a very dark situation." Do you see a trend in the sentences I quoted? It's all about you, isn't it? Are you embarrased by him or do you just think you're so much more successful that you need to just take over for him and make him be like you?

How do you know about his problems with his parents? Does he bitch about it? If he does, tell him to stop complaining to you or you'll stop hanging out with him. Do his parents bitch to you? Tell them it's none of your business.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: BoomerD
His parents need to "man up" and throw him out on his ass. Give him 30 days to find gainful employment or he's out the door.

It's a "Tough Love" kind of thing. As long as they continue to molly-coddle him, he'll likely never grow up.

And I agree with some of the other posters. You were just being a dick for posting that kind of stuff about your "friend." What gives you the right to make his problems known to anyone? Why is it any of your business? If you don't like the fact that the guy is a worthless slug, quit hanging around with him.
/thread

because if he thinks nobody really knows how he is living, nobody will care, and he can just keep going on like he is.

Ok. So how is that your problem?

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
That sounds like an excellent way to push someone who is probably mentally ill completely off his rocker so he'll go put a gun in his mouth. Bravo.

I'd like to add that you're completely out of line to get involved in his decision making. He's an adult and will make good or bad decisions and is not answerable to you. If you think he's physically abusing his mother, you may have a good reason to intervene (talk to his father or call the police), but all you're doing now is making things worse.

He's being a bitch. His parents said they won't buy him another car until he gets a job. He told them he wont go try and get a job until they buy him a car! He treats it like he can just sit on his ass until his parents cave and give him more money, a car, w/e. Until then, he just wakes up and plays poker online or finds ways to go get drunk.

His friends and I have talked to his parents. His mom is a wreck from it, but she just doesn't know how to deal with it. They adopted him, so they've always wanted to spoil him but now its all backfired.

Do you not understand that it's not your place to force anyone to do anything? If you don't like the guy, don't hang out with him. If he ASKS for your advice, give him your opinion, otherwise, keep your nose out of his business. You are not personally responsible for his successes and failures in life, and you're completely crossing the line when you say things like "I have a deadbeat friend, told him if he didn't get a job in a month, I'd embarass him." and "I promised to embarass him if he didn't go get a job." and "I really don't know what to do about this guy....... I hate to be embarassing and calling him out like this, but I've tried everything else." and "I'm doing this because I need to shine some light on a very dark situation." Do you see a trend in the sentences I quoted? It's all about you, isn't it? Are you embarrased by him or do you just think you're so much more successful that you need to just take over for him and make him be like you?

How do you know about his problems with his parents? Does he bitch about it? If he does, tell him to stop complaining to you or you'll stop hanging out with him. Do his parents bitch to you? Tell them it's none of your business.

All about me? Are you serious? It is my business. The guy is more than just a "friend". I grew up side by side with him since I was 4. I've seen him deteriorate into a drunk with a gambling problem over the past few years, and he has no drive to support himself. Somebody needs to take over because he isn't. If I could take him away from his problems, get his ass in line, and set him up straight, I would. Why should I just ignore the problem?

He is constantly begging for beer, cigarrettes and money. It's annoying, and I've told him that I don't like hanging out with him anymore. but he's like my brother to me, yea know? I've talked to his mom and his dad and their catch 22 is that they want to throw him out, but they dont think he will survive. And he threatened to burn their house down and shit if they did kick him out. Its because of things like that that motivated me to be an ass and call him out.

He needs to just be humble and go get a job at McDonalds, but he thinks he is above it. He tried to get a job at Walmart but he couldnt even get a job there. I'm not asking or telling him to be like ME, I'm asking and telling him to be like most normal people that support themselves. Not only that, I care about his parents. They are like my second parents, so as much as I want his ass in line, I want them to be able to retire on time. That means he needs to get out from under their wing and make his own living.

 

[Soundmanred]

Fucking kids these days.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

How do you know about his problems with his parents? Does he bitch about it? If he does, tell him to stop complaining to you or you'll stop hanging out with him. Do his parents bitch to you? Tell them it's none of your business.

Some of his friends and I actually went to his parents because we were concerned about him. We had a long talk with is parents and they disclosed alot about his behavior at home, just as we disclosed alot about his behavior with us.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: Soundmanred
Fucking kids these days.

exactly. he's 28.

 

[Bryophyte]

If you know for a fact that he's being abusive to his parents and threatening to burn their house down, contact the police. Otherwise, mind your own business. I'm pretty sure that by now, he knows your opinion on how he should be living his life. It's entirely within his rights to ignore your advice and do things that you don't like. You bitch about his parents 'enabling' him, but you don't seem to see that you're doing the same thing by trying to 'fix' him and by hanging out with him and giving him the opportunity to bitch to you and beg from you. Just walk away from him for awhile and see how he does without you. If he ends up in jail or on the street, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, it's his.

 

[MisterJackson]

You're pretty self centered and egotistical, but I think we all knew that about you already.

You're not doing anyone any favors by doing this. First off grown men, yes, both of you, have no bussiness being on Myspace. Stop it now.

Secondly, just because YOU promise something is justification enough to publicly embarrass someone?!?! WTF man?

You might think you know this kid, but you don't. There's no way you can know why he does what he does. You just have a working theory, and you act (irrationally I might add) based off that assumption.

As Broyophyte said, if he is manic depressive, or has any other type mental disease, something like this could only serve to push him over the edge.

Think it through for a second, how good would you feel about yourself if you woke up tomorrow and found out he off'ed himself because this was some sort of final straw. Or better yet, given how depressed people these days like to take a few souls with them, what if you woke up to find a .45 in your face and became nothing more than a headline in a murder/suicide article in your hometown paper???

Either leave him alone or offer to help find him a job. Constructive, not destructive man.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
If you know for a fact that he's being abusive to his parents and threatening to burn their house down, contact the police. Otherwise, mind your own business. I'm pretty sure that by now, he knows your opinion on how he should be living his life. It's entirely within his rights to ignore your advice and do things that you don't like. You bitch about his parents 'enabling' him, but you don't seem to see that you're doing the same thing by trying to 'fix' him and by hanging out with him and giving him the opportunity to bitch to you and beg from you. Just walk away from him for awhile and see how he does without you. If he ends up in jail or on the street, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, it's his.

I understand. Calling him out was kinda my last straw. I know he's going to be upset. I don't think he is unstable to a point that he will kill himself, I just think he's lazy as fvck and thinks he can just keep milking on his parents.

As his life long friend, I'd (being selfish I guess) would like to see the day when he gets married, has kids, etc.. and I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
If you know for a fact that he's being abusive to his parents and threatening to burn their house down, contact the police. Otherwise, mind your own business. I'm pretty sure that by now, he knows your opinion on how he should be living his life. It's entirely within his rights to ignore your advice and do things that you don't like. You bitch about his parents 'enabling' him, but you don't seem to see that you're doing the same thing by trying to 'fix' him and by hanging out with him and giving him the opportunity to bitch to you and beg from you. Just walk away from him for awhile and see how he does without you. If he ends up in jail or on the street, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, it's his.

I understand. Calling him out was kinda my last straw. I know he's going to be upset. I don't think he is unstable to a point that he will kill himself, I just think he's lazy as fvck and thinks he can just keep milking on his parents.

As his life long friend, I'd (being selfish I guess) would like to see the day when he gets married, has kids, etc.. and I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

That's bullshit. I think you do this for the drama. As someone here pointed out earlier in this thread you like to use the word "I" a lot. You should think about that the next time you say you're "doing something for someone else"

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
You're pretty self centered and egotistical, but I think we all knew that about you already.

You're not doing anyone any favors by doing this. First off grown men, yes, both of you, have no bussiness being on Myspace. Stop it now.

Secondly, just because YOU promise something is justification enough to publicly embarrass someone?!?! WTF man?

You might think you know this kid, but you don't. There's no way you can know why he does what he does. You just have a working theory, and you act (irrationally I might add) based off that assumption.

As Broyophyte said, if he is manic depressive, or has any other type mental disease, something like this could only serve to push him over the edge.

Think it through for a second, how good would you feel about yourself if you woke up tomorrow and found out he off'ed himself because this was some sort of final straw. Or better yet, given how depressed people these days like to take a few souls with them, what if you woke up to find a .45 in your face and became nothing more than a headline in a murder/suicide article in your hometown paper???

Either leave him alone or offer to help find him a job. Constructive, not destructive man.

I grew up with him since I was 4. I've known and been great friends with him for almost 25 years. If anybody knows this guy, I do. The reason he is the way he is, is because his parents spoiled him and never pushed him to do anything with his life. When his mom told me about some of the things he did, I told him if he didn't get off his ass and get a job, so that he could buy his own car, and spend his own money, I would call him out for being a spoiled little brat and embarass him. So I did.

 

[TechBoyJK]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson

Originally posted by: TechBoyJK

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
If you know for a fact that he's being abusive to his parents and threatening to burn their house down, contact the police. Otherwise, mind your own business. I'm pretty sure that by now, he knows your opinion on how he should be living his life. It's entirely within his rights to ignore your advice and do things that you don't like. You bitch about his parents 'enabling' him, but you don't seem to see that you're doing the same thing by trying to 'fix' him and by hanging out with him and giving him the opportunity to bitch to you and beg from you. Just walk away from him for awhile and see how he does without you. If he ends up in jail or on the street, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, it's his.

I understand. Calling him out was kinda my last straw. I know he's going to be upset. I don't think he is unstable to a point that he will kill himself, I just think he's lazy as fvck and thinks he can just keep milking on his parents.

As his life long friend, I'd (being selfish I guess) would like to see the day when he gets married, has kids, etc.. and I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

That's bullshit. I think you do this for the drama. As someone here pointed out earlier in this thread you like to use the word "I" a lot. You should think about that the next time you say you're "doing something for someone else"

OMG you used I. please. I used I alot because I started this thread because I wanted to know If what I did was too harsh. I've since deleted the bulletin. If wanted this thread to be about him and his problems, I wouldnt have used I so much. lolz