Am i being a Ass Hat or am i Justified about how i feel ? You be the judge pls

[leeland]

well first of a quick deal about what is going on. I recently got married to a wonderful women i have been dating for 2 years.

about 6 months ago, one of her college BF calls out of the blue, they have had contact in the past, i "HI" there and occasional phone call but nothing concrete...anways i answered the phone and he was all wierd and basically ended the conversation quickly. Mind you he is newly married as well, within a years time.

fastforward about 3 months and he just somehow fiqured out her work e-mail (she works at a hospital) from the prefix and i guess thought he would give it a shot to write her....so now is where i am starting to get aggrivated...he mails on and off since the middle of summer...oh this and that...nothing big...

then about a month ago....he starts with some suggestive writing...for instance

god i am so happy i found you, it has been so long since we talked

i get to you town every once in a while each month, how bout i take you out for lunch/dinner...my treat ?

i was riding my bike the other day and i was thinking about you...(reminded me of...that song....

Congrats on your wedding, leeland is a very lucky dude...that's for sure !!!

EDIT: i found these e-mails because she left her e-mail open...so yes i did snoop, i just couldn't help it when i saw the little peckers name


so yes i believe i am a little jelious about this...but hear me out before you make your judgement


I am kinda protective, and yes i guess they were pretty close in college, but for fVck sakes it was like 7 years ago...and now he decides to come out of no where...

I am pretty sure his wife doesn't know about this...and why the hell does he want to go out to dinner with my wife now, and tell her he is thinking about her on bike rides and SH!T ???

I feel like i know how some men think, and that is with their crotch...so i don't trust this prick for a second



here is what i want to do, i have a couple copies of these sappy e-mails and i want to mail the little prick back and ask him if his wife knows he is writing an old flame and asking her to dinner and that he is thinking about another women...




last part

she says it is no different than me writing my friends who are girls, i say it isn't because i never had any physical attraction or contact with my friends...she disagrees and thinks they are the same regardless if we had sex or not...I think she is FULL OF SH!T for giving the lame excuse...


so am i being a hissy pissy baby and should just drop it ???

or

should i be a little aggrivated ???




thanks

leeland

 

[Hankysmoo]

I think its just natural for you to be a little jealous. I sure as hell know I would be. I would definitely keep an eye on this dirtbag but don't blow the situation out of proportion with your wife.

 

[Kadarin]

You have every right to be a bit jealous, in my opinion. This other guy is being way out of line and is not being fair to his own wife, and it's clear that he has "intentions" with your wife (if, of course, she's willing to give him an opening). A lot here will depend on how your wife handles this; oddly enough, a lot of women love to keep old boyfriends around for some reason, I think largely because they're addicted to the emotional bond.

Stand your ground.

 

[leeland]

well here is how i look at it

when i break up with a girl...i have NO contact with them ever again....just keeps things simpler that way for the next relationship...i mean who wants an ex messing things up...part of me is pissed at her, because she know it irritates the Fvck out of me and she also knows i have severed any ties to other women whom i have dated

it is a simple sign of respect....the fact that your significant others feelings are more important that a little flirting via e-mail with an old fling from college...

i can tell you for a fact my nuts would be in a sling if she caught me doing the exact same thing she is doing...and i would never hear the end of it for the foreseeable future !!!

I know this guy has an alterior motive...the reason i say that is why the hell contact someone u dated for less than 6 months in college 6 years later for sh!ts and giggles ??? it doesn't add up....and to add to that he is friggin married as well

Originally posted by: Hankysmoo
I think its just natural for you to be a little jealous. I sure as hell know I would be. I would definitely keep an eye on this dirtbag but don't blow the situation out of proportion with your wife.

 

[ddjkdg]

I would leave it alone. If your wife really believes that he is just being friendly, she will quickly realize that he is after more than she thought. On the other hand if she has some mutual feelings for this guy then you'll do nothing to improve the situation by trying to tell her what to do.

 

[ThaGrandCow]

cc the emails to his wife

the ex-boyfriend = the ass hat

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: ddjkdg
I would leave it alone. If your wife really believes that he is just being friendly, she will quickly realize that he is after more than she thought. On the other hand if she has some mutual feelings for this guy then you'll do nothing to improve the situation by trying to tell her what to do.

Women are often oblivious to the fact that guys have ulterior motives. "Oh, he's just a friend, I had no idea he liked me in that way.."

 

[dartworth]

You really need sit your wife down and explain your feelings. I really don't think you need to look for justification of how you feel. Get it out in the open and take it from there.

 

[leeland]

i think i would have already done that if i had her mail....wish i did

as for letting her figure it out on her own....well sorry to say...i am not being sexist here, but women in general are retarded when i comes to crap with guys being overly nice...like i said earlier, what possesed this guy to write ??? were they such great friends ??? NO...he hasn't talked to her 6 times in 6 years...now all of the sudden he wants to be just friends ??? after he is married ??? give me a break...she (my wife) is a retard about reading into guys comments...she has guys here at work say sh!t to her and she doesn't read between the lines...

that is just it, i feel like i know how men think...and they usually have alterior motives when it comes to women !!!

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
cc the emails to his wife

the ex-boyfriend = the ass hat

 

[iwearnosox]

Mail him a box of poop.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: iwearnosox
Mail him a box of poop.

Always good advice! :beer:

 

[Insane3D]

Congrats on your wedding, leeland is a very lucky dude...that's for sure !!!

That part right there leads me to believe he wants more than just "friendship". On it's surface, it seems innocent, but I have heard that before in similar situations, and it is more of a "I wish I was the guy you are with".

*shrug*


I've been in a similar situation and it ended badly...

 

[Mill]

Sit down with your wife and explain to her that men have ulterior motives. I know the reason I e-mailed my ex girlfriend the other day although I have no clue if she is in a relationship or not.

Yes, I would be jealous and the guy is way out of line considering you two are married.

 

[leeland]

oK i have tried this approach, and it got me a big friggin argument, like i said before, about a year ago i had about 3 good girl friends, who were nothing more that e-mail buddies i have had from various times in my life, she got all pissed about it, even after i explained to her i had no relationships or anything like that....so i decided it was more important to make her happy and stopped mailing those girls....

do you think i ever hear the end of it, everytime we argue about this turd....guess what her defense is ??? that i had girlfriends as well....so friggin lame how women think....so that is where i stand on the telling her how i feel crap conserning this guy

Originally posted by: jfano
You really need sit your wife down and explain your feelings. I really don't think you need to look for justification of how you feel. Get it out in the open and take it from there.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: leeland
i think i would have already done that if i had her mail....wish i did

as for letting her figure it out on her own....well sorry to say...i am not being sexist here, but women in general are retarded when i comes to crap with guys being overly nice...like i said earlier, what possesed this guy to write ??? were they such great friends ??? NO...he hasn't talked to her 6 times in 6 years...now all of the sudden he wants to be just friends ??? after he is married ??? give me a break...she (my wife) is a retard about reading into guys comments...she has guys here at work say sh!t to her and she doesn't read between the lines...

that is just it, i feel like i know how men think...and they usually have alterior motives when it comes to women !!!

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
cc the emails to his wife

the ex-boyfriend = the ass hat

I'm reasonably cordial with my ex's and I'm friendly and pleasant as possible to people at work, the "ulterior Motives" of anyone I come into contact with should matter not to my man as I'm very happy at home and have zero romantic interest in any of these people.If anybody doesn't hear and understand that fact I'll set them straight right away. You either trust your wife or you don't.

 

[leeland]

DUDE !!!

i totally feel the same way, guys don't just say comments like that for nothing...unless he is totally in touch with his femine side j/k

but you are right as far as i am concerned

Originally posted by: Insane3D

Congrats on your wedding, leeland is a very lucky dude...that's for sure !!!

That part right there leads me to believe he wants more than just "friendship". On it's surface, it seems innocent, but I have heard that before in similar situations, and it is more of a "I wish I was the guy you are with".

*shrug*


I've been in a similar situation and it ended badly...

 

[leeland]

I got ya, and i feel you do

although she doesn't get the comments part...she just doesn't register it at all and as far as i am concerned when a guy gets no negative feedback that is just as good as positive feedback...

i trust her with all of my heart, but i won't lie to you...if i had a chance to take a poke at this guy i wouldn't hesitate for a second...just gets under my skin...

and why shouldn't it be a concern of your man, if some turd is hitting on you ??? if he wasn't mad about something like that i would wonder ??? i think most guys would agree with me that they don't want guys flirting, or making wierd comments to their significant other

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: leeland
i think i would have already done that if i had her mail....wish i did

as for letting her figure it out on her own....well sorry to say...i am not being sexist here, but women in general are retarded when i comes to crap with guys being overly nice...like i said earlier, what possesed this guy to write ??? were they such great friends ??? NO...he hasn't talked to her 6 times in 6 years...now all of the sudden he wants to be just friends ??? after he is married ??? give me a break...she (my wife) is a retard about reading into guys comments...she has guys here at work say sh!t to her and she doesn't read between the lines...

that is just it, i feel like i know how men think...and they usually have alterior motives when it comes to women !!!

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
cc the emails to his wife

the ex-boyfriend = the ass hat

I'm reasonably cordial with my ex's and I'm friendly and pleasant as possible to people at work, the "ulterior Motives" of anyone I come into contact with should matter not to my man as I'm very happy at home and have zero romantic interest in any of these people. You either trust your wife or you don't.

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: leeland
oK i have tried this approach, and it got me a big friggin argument, like i said before, about a year ago i had about 3 good girl friends, who were nothing more that e-mail buddies i have had from various times in my life, she got all pissed about it, even after i explained to her i had no relationships or anything like that....so i decided it was more important to make her happy and stopped mailing those girls....

do you think i ever hear the end of it, everytime we argue about this turd....guess what her defense is ??? that i had girlfriends as well....so friggin lame how women think....so that is where i stand on the telling her how i feel crap conserning this guy

Originally posted by: jfano
You really need sit your wife down and explain your feelings. I really don't think you need to look for justification of how you feel. Get it out in the open and take it from there.

It seems like neither one of you trust each other. Maybe you should have dated for more than 2 years or maybe you both need to sit down and let it all out and try to make the relationship stronger.

 

[Insane3D]

You either trust your wife or you don't.

It's not always quite that simple. What if he completely trusts her, but regardless, she is out shaggin the guy in some hotel room when she is away.

Also, it sounds like she made him stop something similar, but much more innocent, but she doesn't think it's reasonable for her to have to do the same.

 

[dartworth]

Well if your wife sees that you are upset about it, she should respect your feelings and break off communications with this jackoff. You don't need this tension in your relationship. If I know something is going to upset my wife, I just don't do it. If she can't see how this is affecting you, then shame on her. You have to respect each other in order to love each other.

 

[leeland]

this is not the point, i do trust her, i never doubt her for a second, and she wouldn't do anything like that

all i am saying is this guy is a turd and has an alterior motive ??? and i that is what i think...i was just asking if anyone agreed with me or not

Originally posted by: Millennium

Originally posted by: leeland
oK i have tried this approach, and it got me a big friggin argument, like i said before, about a year ago i had about 3 good girl friends, who were nothing more that e-mail buddies i have had from various times in my life, she got all pissed about it, even after i explained to her i had no relationships or anything like that....so i decided it was more important to make her happy and stopped mailing those girls....

do you think i ever hear the end of it, everytime we argue about this turd....guess what her defense is ??? that i had girlfriends as well....so friggin lame how women think....so that is where i stand on the telling her how i feel crap conserning this guy

Originally posted by: jfano
You really need sit your wife down and explain your feelings. I really don't think you need to look for justification of how you feel. Get it out in the open and take it from there.

It seems like neither one of you trust each other. Maybe you should have dated for more than 2 years or maybe you both need to sit down and let it all out and try to make the relationship stronger.

 

[Insane3D]

Originally posted by: jfano
Well if your wife sees that you are upset about it, she should respect your feelings and break off communications with this jackoff. You don't need this tension in your relationship. If I know something is going to upset my wife, I just don't do it. If she can't see how this is affecting you, then shame on her. You have to respect each other in order to love each other.

You know...this brings up another point. If it is so innocent and unimportant, why did she get so upset when asked to break it off? It sounds like she didn't talk to him for a long time, and that was fine. However, all of a sudden they are back in contact, and she is getting very upset when asked to stop the communciation that she wasn't interested in for so long.

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: leeland
this is not the point, i do trust her, i never doubt her for a second, and she wouldn't do anything like that

all i am saying is this guy is a turd and has an alterior motive ??? and i that is what i think...i was just asking if anyone agreed with me or not

Originally posted by: Millennium

Originally posted by: leeland
oK i have tried this approach, and it got me a big friggin argument, like i said before, about a year ago i had about 3 good girl friends, who were nothing more that e-mail buddies i have had from various times in my life, she got all pissed about it, even after i explained to her i had no relationships or anything like that....so i decided it was more important to make her happy and stopped mailing those girls....

do you think i ever hear the end of it, everytime we argue about this turd....guess what her defense is ??? that i had girlfriends as well....so friggin lame how women think....so that is where i stand on the telling her how i feel crap conserning this guy

Originally posted by: jfano
You really need sit your wife down and explain your feelings. I really don't think you need to look for justification of how you feel. Get it out in the open and take it from there.

It seems like neither one of you trust each other. Maybe you should have dated for more than 2 years or maybe you both need to sit down and let it all out and try to make the relationship stronger.

Dude, that shows your transparency right there. There is no way he could fvck your wife unless she allowed him unless we are talking about rape. If you say he has ulterior motives then he probably does but for those motives to be become reality requires more than just him. Obviously you are a bit jealous and I totally understand but I still don't think either one of you trust each other if it has been an issue for both of you. Just my 2 cents so don't take it as a condemnation of your life or relationships.

 

[leeland]

Originally posted by: Insane3D

Originally posted by: jfano
Well if your wife sees that you are upset about it, she should respect your feelings and break off communications with this jackoff. You don't need this tension in your relationship. If I know something is going to upset my wife, I just don't do it. If she can't see how this is affecting you, then shame on her. You have to respect each other in order to love each other.

You know...this brings up another point. If it is so innocent and unimportant, why did she get so upset when asked to break it off? It sounds like she didn't talk to him for a long time, and that was fine. However, all of a sudden they are back in contact, and she is getting very upset when asked to stop the communciation that she wasn't interested in for so long.

ya this is kinda a side point, she sees this as nothing, those comments aren't bad, he is just a nice guy who is a friend...

i say bullsh!t...he isn't trying to be a nice guy...what do you think his wife would think if she saw the e-mails he wrote ??? i don't think she would be to happy with him

 

[rgwalt]

It is very tempting to read your SO's mail, isn't it? I'm guilty of doing the same thing with my ex. It is one thing that I regret the most, and she still doesn't know I did it. I would recommend that no matter what, you don't snoop into her mail. E-mail, as well as regular mail, is private. You have no right to look at her messages. It shows you don't trust her.

As far as the situation goes, it is only natural to be jealous. However, you have to ask yourself the question "Do I trust her?" If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to be worried about. If the answer is no, you have more serious problems to deal with. I know this is easier said than done, and you shouldn't be stupid about it, but you need to realize that you are the one she is married to. This ex didn't make the cut.

If he keeps pursuing her and asks her to lunch or dinner, see if you can come along. After all, you are a major part of her life, and she has nothing to hide.

R