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am I an insensitive jerk?

N

nageov3t

Lifer
a few days ago, my friend's girlfriend's father died. the funeral is tomorrow.

I haven't spoken to the friend whose girlfriend's father died, but a mutal friend conveyed the funeral/wake information to me and asked if I needed a ride to the church.

I said I hadn't planned on going, and now this mutual friend is treating me like I'm the biggest jerk in the world.

the way I see it, I only met the guy who died once or twice, never exchanged words with him beyond "hello," and it's not as if my friend's father died. I'd totally be there to support my friend if that were the case. and I mean, I don't really even like the girlfriend. what kind of emotional support could I offer? I'd just be taking up room in the church and wondering if anyone would want to hit up a bar with me after the mass.

am I a jerk for not going to the funeral? I know if it were my dad, I probably wouldn't want my friends there, much less proxy friends, but maybe I just have a fvcked up view of the situation.
 
No, you're not a jerk. I don't like funerals, but I certainly wouldn't want to go to one for someone I never really knew.

You could always crash the funeral though, a la Wedding Crashers. 🙂
 
You're in the clear dude... but you could be going to support your friend... plus haven't you seen wedding crashers? Funerals = teh hot chix.
 
Originally posted by: aplefka
No, you're not a jerk. I don't like funerals, but I certainly wouldn't want to go to one for someone I never really knew.

You could always crash the funeral though, a la Wedding Crashers. 🙂
Click to expand...

He could crash the funeral! :Q
 
Unless the friend asks you to go for support, then no.

I wouldn't go if it were me in your situation.
 
Originally posted by: loki8481

I know if it were my dad, I probably wouldn't want my friends there, much less proxy friends, but maybe I just have a fvcked up view of the situation.
Click to expand...

I agree with you. It is perfectly acceptable for you to give your sympathy to the GF outside of the funeral.
 
if your friend asked you to go to support him, or help him support his g/f, then you should go. if it is just kinda expected or taken for granted that you are going, then it is not insensitive for you to not be there.
 
Your friend probably doesn't want to get stuck by themself at this thing since their girlfriend will have all kinds of friends and family there and will be sidetracked. It's not necessary to go to the funeral but it's nice to show up at the wake. You don't have to stay at the wake long either just throw on a shirt and tie say hi to everybody then duck out the door.

Besides if there are any hot women there you automatically become Mr. Sensitive guy for showing up for a friend of a friend.
 
Depends on your attitude behind not going....
"I'm sorry to hear of the loss but will not be attending" (Not a jerk)

"Why should I, I got better things to do with my time" (Jerk)
 
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