Am I a jerk for throwing away some of the wife's stuff?

[Imp]

Sounds like your wife is a hoarder

Bingo.

Serious question.

We're in a bit of a hectic situation in the house - whereby we are desperately trying to organize things better in order to get a more "livable" living situation. My first priority:

Get rid of the shit we won't miss. The problem? The wife wants to keep everything. Old shoes that have fallen apart? "I'll fix those some day!". Said shoes were in a box inside the garage for the last year.....

How bad is it that you are "desperately" organizing things?

I live with a few hoarders. To them, everything has value and they go CRAZY when their stuff is thrown out without consent -- you'll never get it.

 

[Howard]

Your sentence doesn't need the "if" part. You're a jerk regardless.

Also don't have kids. They'll grow up to be criminals.

 

[gorcorps]

I can see throwing out magazines, but you don't touch a woman's shoes

 

[poofyhairguy]

Drastic measure - Move. As in, move to a new place and make her move her crap. If she does it without complaining, she gets to keep it. To her, when someone else has to deal with it, its no big deal and there isn't a reason to reduce.

Oh, and move on the hottest day of the year. It gets cleared out much faster and the most important thing is it becomes her decision.

If she threatens to pay for movers, say, that was the money we were going to use for xyz, etc.

Damn that is awesomely evil advice.

 

[manimal]

Same problem. Wife would be a hoarder if it wasn't for me. We had a rule. Buy something new sell or throw away two . Today at ikea she wanted to buy a dresser and I asked her what piece of furniture we are getting rid of.


Don't enable


Tell the truth and talk a lot.

 

[HeXen]

I throw a lot of things away if I don't use them in a long while. The problem always is that at some point eventually, I'll suddenly find a use for them and search frantically only to realize that I probably threw it away. Then I get real sad.

Recently regretting throwing away a good pair of work boots away just because I thought I wouldn't wear them again. Now my current boots are shabby and wishing I had those cause they were a good summer boot.

 

[rh71]

hmm, hoarder only mentioned three times in this thread of 30+ replies.

 

[manimal]

hmm, hoarder only mentioned three times in this thread of 30+ replies.

It's implied but in rEality is not a word you ever use with someone with these types of issues .

 

[ultimatebob]

You sure you want to do that? I mean it sounds like you have vastly different ideas of what a comfortable life style is.

Yeah... If you think that you have marriage problems now, just wait until the kid comes along and you're both pissed off from being sleep deprived.

There is your leverage right there... We need to get rid of this crap to make room for the baby. If THAT doesn't convince her, rethink what you're doing.

 

[Mixolydian]

I smell a divorce in the future.

 

[bryanl]

I don't see how throwing out her stuff will save space if it means you'll have to sleep in a different room.

How much of your stuff are you throwing out?

 

[Imp]

It's implied but in rEality is not a word you ever use with someone with these types of issues .

I don't know about never using it. It just doesn't work.

I confronted a hoarder about it and "intervened" (i.e. cleaned shit out). Hoarder is still hardcore hoarder, now more stuff than ever.

 

[SKORPI0]

I can see throwing out magazines, but you don't touch a woman's shoes

Sad was the day when I had to throw away my collection of Byte, Compute, Amiga World, Ahoy!, PC mag from the late 80s and early/mid 90s. ^_^

I still have VHS recordings of Star Trek-Next Generation and DS9 from the 90s. Some pron too (Beta & VHS).
Blank VHS tapes and 5 1/2" floppy disk.

 

[ultimatebob]

Yeah... I miss my 10 year collection of PC Gamer magazines of Demo DVD's.

I never looked at them, though, so they were a waste of space. So were all of those VHS tapes and cassette tapes that I had laying around for years before tossing them.

 

[MtnMan]

'jerk' may be an accurate description of your sex life for a while.

 

[mmntech]

OP's problem with his wife sounds like the exact same argument my parents have been having for the last little while. Except with the rolls reversed. My dad has a habit of buying things just because they're on sale, and never throws anything away. Mom's been doing her nut because the house is getting so cluttered. I cleaned up their garage a couple weekends ago and it's already a mess again. He has several big boxes filled with nothing but golf balls. The man also has enough golf shirts to literally last him 3 months without wearing the same one twice. Never gets rid of anything even if it's old and worn out. Mom just throws out a little bit here and there and he never notices.

So no, I don't think the OP is a jerk because I've seen first hand how frustrating it can be to live with someone with hoarder tendencies.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

As long as you're being sneaky you're good. The one thing you have to be careful about is to keep some of it. That way if she goes looking for something and can't find it you can point to the remaining stuff and say "see, everything is here, what you're looking for is just buried under other stuff, it'll turn up eventually". If everything gets pitched out you loose plausible deniability.

Clearly the only man here with wife experience. Everyone else suggesting I'm an asshole destined for divorce court... You guys haven't lived with a woman have you?

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Drastic measure - Move. As in, move to a new place and make her move her crap. If she does it without complaining, she gets to keep it. To her, when someone else has to deal with it, its no big deal and there isn't a reason to reduce.

Oh, and move on the hottest day of the year. It gets cleared out much faster and the most important thing is it becomes her decision.

If she threatens to pay for movers, say, that was the money we were going to use for xyz, etc.

It will end up the same situation as of current... She has a few boxes from her last move (years ago before we met) that she still hasn't touched to this day.... If that doesn't spell it out for some of you here.

 

[ZaneNBK]

I spend $40/month on a storage unit full of my wife's shit that we haven't opened in 6 years, yet we can't pitch that crap because it's valuable.

Yes, my wife is a diagnosed hoarder and the problem isn't limited to the storage unit unfortunately.

If your wife is actually a hoarder, throwing away her shit behind her back is about the worst possible thing you can do. Not only will it stress her out, but it will cause her to replace the shit you threw out and possible add more than what you removed. Having piles of shit around them makes them feel more comfortable and more safe.

From my experience hoarders tend to reach an equilibrium point. If you remove shit, they replace until they've reached that point. Fixing this basically involves therapy that both removes shit and works towards lowering their equilibrium point.

 

[ZaneNBK]

It will end up the same situation as of current... She has a few boxes from her last move (years ago before we met) that she still hasn't touched to this day.... If that doesn't spell it out for some of you here.

Yup. We have boxes that haven't been opened in 7+ years and 4-5+ moves.

 

[squarecut1]

I personally want fewer and fewer things. Possessions...no point having much of that

 

[Captante]

New rule. If it hasnt been looked at, used, touched in a year. Throw it away

By that reasoning I'd have to throw away about half of my tools!

 

[Lonyo]

It will end up the same situation as of current... She has a few boxes from her last move (years ago before we met) that she still hasn't touched to this day.... If that doesn't spell it out for some of you here.

Then she might have a problem. Lets mention the H word again.

 

[HeXen]

Sad was the day when I had to throw away my collection of Byte, Compute, Amiga World, Ahoy!, PC mag from the late 80s and early/mid 90s. ^_^

I still have VHS recordings of Star Trek-Next Generation and DS9 from the 90s. Some pron too (Beta & VHS).
Blank VHS tapes and 5 1/2" floppy disk.

I have digital PDF's of all those mags. Over 60 gigs worth. Also have the 50 year collection of MAD and most of the Tales from the crypt mags too. It's funny to read the letters from fans in most of the gaming mags, wow we were so uninformed back then. Then all those contests with awesome prizes, I always wonder if anyone actually won anything. They always make me want to bust out my emulators and play for a bit. I look through them from time to time.

 

[mikeford]

Mess with your spouses stuff at your peril. Its the sort of thing some will NEVER forget or forgive. Its disrespect, and you will eventually pay for the trespass many times over and over.