Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Their Solutions...

[Descartes]

AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE PROBLEMS AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers at Qantas
Airlines lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks."

By the way, QUANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.


[P = The problem logged by the pilot.
[S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autopilot not working.
S: Autopilot not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack
normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed

 

[crab]

<< By the way, QUANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an
accident. >>



Thats wrong. QANTAS has never has a fatality, but there's been accidents. To name one- They were landing a brand new 747-400 in Bangkok during a rainstorm. The pilots confused each other about going around, but touched down. They couldn't stop, shot off the runway, and stopped on a golf course.

Pics!

 

[Hammer]

Aircraft maintence is not something to joke around about. Those crews need to do thier jobs properly instead of try to be funny.

 

[Mitzi]

That's fantastic!

 

[Antisocial Virge]

Picture
Can you imagine sliding down that emergency exit chute?

 

[Brutuskend]

I used to be a Plane Captain. in the service. (as well as a Jet Engine Mech)
Among other things plane captains preflight the aircraft, and are responsible if something goes wrong due to missing a problem.
I was VERY meticulous. If I found something wrong I would NOT sign off the aircraft.
On several occasions (due to pilots needing flight hours to continue flying) I was ordered to sign off a plane that had problems. (though they may have been slight problems)
Luckily I never lost a plane. Though on a few occasions I almost lost my HEAD due to pilot error, when the prop started turning when my head was scant inches from it. Both times it was the C.O. piloting the bird, so I couldn't even go off on the jerk!

this is the plane I worked on.

As well as these