- Jun 17, 2001
- 55,420
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New to me
1. Chuck Norris doesn't follow GAAP. GAAP follows Chuck Norris.
2. AICPA: Americans Infuriated (by) Chuck's Punishment Aptitude
3. Chuck Norris does not accrue for expenses? he accrues for pain
4. Chuck Norris not only assigns useful lives? he takes them away
5. If he finds an exception, Chuck Norris amortizes pain over the remaining useful life of the client
6. What's the risk of significant misstatement? Answer: A Chuck Norris roundhouse to the jugular
7. Chuck Norris doesn't capitalize fixed assets; he fixes his foot in your ass.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't audit companies; He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't pay income taxes, you pay him not tax your wife.
10. Chuck Norris only has to install Lacerte one time.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't scan tax files; he roundhouse-kicks them into ProSystems.
12. CPA stands for Chuck, the Pain Accumulator
13. Chuck Norris doesn't review subsequent events, his presence creates them.
14. Chuck Norris sends the IRS a blank 1040 with his picture attached. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes.
15. Chuck Norris still amortizes goodwill.
16. Big Four? Chuck Norris is the only worldwide firm consisting of one employee.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't carry a calculator - his right arm adds, his left arm subtracts, his right leg multiplies and his left leg divides.
18. The difference between an audit and a review:
a. #1: A review consists primarily of inquiries of company personnel of how much they are terrified of Chuck Norris, while an audit obtains corroborating evidential matter that Chuck Norris is the reason that everyone on your company's payroll is on permanent disability.
b. #2: An audit issues an opinion on how bad Chuck Norris kicked your ass, while a review is merely an inquiry of whether or not you've ever pissed off Chuck Norris
19. Chuck Norris limited math skills: he can only add pain, subtract lives, multiply suffering, and divide your ego.
20. Chuck Norris can depreciate land?and your life.
21. Sarbanes-Oxley was the government's response to corporate scandals. Hiroshima was Chuck Norris's response to bad sushi.
22. Chuck Norris foots a schedule by kicking it until it the numbers balance for him.
1. Chuck Norris doesn't follow GAAP. GAAP follows Chuck Norris.
2. AICPA: Americans Infuriated (by) Chuck's Punishment Aptitude
3. Chuck Norris does not accrue for expenses? he accrues for pain
4. Chuck Norris not only assigns useful lives? he takes them away
5. If he finds an exception, Chuck Norris amortizes pain over the remaining useful life of the client
6. What's the risk of significant misstatement? Answer: A Chuck Norris roundhouse to the jugular
7. Chuck Norris doesn't capitalize fixed assets; he fixes his foot in your ass.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't audit companies; He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't pay income taxes, you pay him not tax your wife.
10. Chuck Norris only has to install Lacerte one time.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't scan tax files; he roundhouse-kicks them into ProSystems.
12. CPA stands for Chuck, the Pain Accumulator
13. Chuck Norris doesn't review subsequent events, his presence creates them.
14. Chuck Norris sends the IRS a blank 1040 with his picture attached. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes.
15. Chuck Norris still amortizes goodwill.
16. Big Four? Chuck Norris is the only worldwide firm consisting of one employee.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't carry a calculator - his right arm adds, his left arm subtracts, his right leg multiplies and his left leg divides.
18. The difference between an audit and a review:
a. #1: A review consists primarily of inquiries of company personnel of how much they are terrified of Chuck Norris, while an audit obtains corroborating evidential matter that Chuck Norris is the reason that everyone on your company's payroll is on permanent disability.
b. #2: An audit issues an opinion on how bad Chuck Norris kicked your ass, while a review is merely an inquiry of whether or not you've ever pissed off Chuck Norris
19. Chuck Norris limited math skills: he can only add pain, subtract lives, multiply suffering, and divide your ego.
20. Chuck Norris can depreciate land?and your life.
21. Sarbanes-Oxley was the government's response to corporate scandals. Hiroshima was Chuck Norris's response to bad sushi.
22. Chuck Norris foots a schedule by kicking it until it the numbers balance for him.
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