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Advice needed

K

KillyKillall

Diamond Member
So, my best friend is going through a divorce and needs a place to stay for a while until he can get his own place. He called yesterday and asked if he could spend the night in the guest bedroom and I of course said yes and let my g/f know that he might be staying with us a few days. It looks like it won't be until September 1st until the place he is moving is available. Now, I have NO problem with helping him out with a place as long as he needs it, he's my brother from another mother basically.

On the other hand, my g/f likes living a very private life. I have explained to her how he is practically family and family helps each other. She was freaking out that he was staying for a few days. Tonight I'm going to have to tell her that it could be about a month. Any suggestions on how to do this without getting my head ripped off?

I'm probably a little insecure about it, because I don't want to make her angry, but you gotta help the man out. If it really came down to it, I could just say, look it's my house and that's the way it is, but I'm trying not to do that. Any advice welcome.
 
Well see how it goes, tell your gf to wait it out for a week and see how it works. If she really can't stand having another person around, tell your friend what the situation is and that he's gonna have to look for a new place.

Edit: by "can't stand" I don't mean in a "I don't like him" or "I don't wanna share" sort of way. But in the being truly shy and unable to deal with him way
 
Telll her that you love her, but sometimes in life things can be a bit more than just about her. Tell her that you would like to think that if, God Forbid, you were up against it that someone would do the same for you.

🙂
 
Tell your girlfriend if she doesn't like it she can hit the road. Sounds like she is controlling you and you are afraid to stand your ground. You are doing a great thing by helping him out like that. I remember I was going through some horrible times in my life and my uncle let me stay with him in his small house in California for a month with his wife and a newborn baby. They never complained because they wanted to help me.
If your girlfriend doesnt respect people who are close to you it is time to tell her to hit the road.

Just remember family > any girl ever period.
 
You have a guest bedroom. He isn't sleeping in your living room, your bedroom, or anywhere else that's "in the way". Unless you and your girl use that room for something "special" then she really has no grounds to complain. Unless you only have one bathroom.
 
if your gf can't put up with a little bit of inconvenience of a few weeks while you help out a friend (virtually family as you put it) in need, then i don't think your gf is worth keeping around.
 
Thanks. I understand how it sounds self-centered, but it probably actually stems from insecurity and it magnifies when other people are around. I'll see how it goes and take it from there. Thanks again.
 
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Telll her that you love her, but sometimes in life things can be a bit more than just about her. Tell her that you would like to think that if, God Forbid, you were up against it that someone would do the same for you.

🙂
Click to expand...


:thumbsup: x5

(use these exact words 😉 )
 
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Thanks. I understand how it sounds self-centered, but it probably actually stems from insecurity and it magnifies when other people are around. I'll see how it goes and take it from there. Thanks again.
Click to expand...

Explain to her someday after you two are married and are getting a divorce, this is the person you will be staying with... Since you'll be intruding on his life at that point, it only seems fair you allow him to do it to you now.

Bill
 
Originally posted by: Nikamichi
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Telll her that you love her, but sometimes in life things can be a bit more than just about her. Tell her that you would like to think that if, God Forbid, you were up against it that someone would do the same for you.

🙂
Click to expand...


:thumbsup: x5

(use these exact words 😉 )
Click to expand...

Good stuff. And no way am I posting pics of her without her permission and I don't really want to tell her that I'm having a conversation on a forum about her. MY GOD! Have you ever seen insecurity turn to complete anxiety attack...lol....
 
i'm going to be honest. I think it is a bit much for your friend to put you in a spot like this. a month is a long time to have someone in your home. Your g/f has a right to object if in fact she has no other place to move to for the time being. The right thing to do is tell your friend that you can put him up for a couple weeks maximum. I'm sure you are not his only friend/family that will help him out. Tell your girl that you wanted to offer him a month stay but that you thought it would be a little taxing on yours and her living comfort.
 
Originally posted by: gururu
i'm going to be honest. I think it is a bit much for your friend to put you in a spot like this. a month is a long time to have someone in your home. Your g/f has a right to object if in fact she has no other place to move to for the time being. The right thing to do is tell your friend that you can put him up for a couple weeks maximum. I'm sure you are not his only friend/family that will help him out. Tell your girl that you wanted to offer him a month stay but that you thought it would be a little taxing on yours and her living comfort.
Click to expand...

Actually, I really am the only place he can go. It's a bad situation around him elsewhere. The thing is, I know he would do it for me, so I'll do it for him. Anything past 1 month though will be a serious conversation. BTW, during this one month period he will be helping out around the house - helping me put up some cabinets, cleaning, etc.. to help pull his own weight.
 
I just want to commend you for sticking by your friend despite your girlfriend being a bitch about it.
 
If it were me, my best friend can stay indefinitely. I take care of my friends and they know I'm there for them if they ever need it.

She'll have to live with it for as long as it needs to go on for. If necessary, adjustments will be made and perhaps even giving my buddy money so he can get his own place.

I do not let my woman come in between my friendships. She knows that they are equally as important as she is and in some cases, more important. If I was with a woman who didn't understand that and wouldn't let me help out my friends, then she'd be gone. No questions asked and yes, I got rid of my last gf over a similar situation.
 
A lot of the posts you have gotten in this thread say.. screw her...

I hope mine did not come across like that, cause I did not mean it to. I was not suggesting that your girlfriend should like it or lump it. I gather that she lives there, too and it is her home. She has the right not to want someone living there for an indefinate period of time.

My point was not to lay it on the line to her, give her an ultimatium or put her against the wall on the issue. It was to make her understand why you NEED to do this and why she NEEDS to understand.

🙂
 
does she walk around the house naked with toilet paper hanging out her ass or have some equally disgusting habits?


i dont understand why this freaks her out so much...its not even her damn house.

explain the situation to her, ask her what shed do if it was her best freind (insert name here)....tell her hr is like a brother to you.

if after all that she still acting weird then good luck to you man cuz your gonna have to do some heavy thinking and make a big decision. your gonna have to pick him or her.
 
Here's what I think. Talk with your buddy and your girlfriend to work out an agreement. Have your buddy stay in a hotel for each weekend during the month of August to give your girlfriend and you some privacy during the weekends when you are around home more often. I think both sides should agree on this idea. Plus, hotel rooms are usually cheaper during the weekends, so your buddy shouldn't have to shell out too many $$ for a place to sleep.
 
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
I'm probably a little insecure about it, because I don't want to make her angry, but you gotta help the man out. If it really came down to it, I could just say, look it's my house and that's the way it is, but I'm trying not to do that. Any advice welcome.
Click to expand...

if you don't make your GF angry now and then you're letting her walk all over you. afterwards she'll go "oh yeah, I guess I was being a bitch." not out loud of course. out loud she'll still call you an asshole 😉
 
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