Advanced future AMD Technology Uncovered

[BitByBit]

I managed to find an interesting article on some new AMD tech earlier, but subsequent visits to the page seem to indicate that the page, and all references to it have been removed. Luckily I was able to retrieve it from my internet cache, and have pasted it below.

Advanced Micro Devices [NYSE: AMD] have been secretly developing a technology they have internally dubbed 'Temporal Inversion Technology', we can reveal. The technology, which sounds more 23rd century than 21st, is regarded as an off-shoot of research into Quantum Computing, thought to be the direction computer science will be headed over the next few decades. The project, codenamed 'AF4.01' was begun some time ago, it is believed. It is unknown just what the codename refers to, if anything, but we believe the technology's acronym will prove more popular.

So what is 'Temporal Inversion Technology'? The fundamental principle behind it relies upon an interesting property of Quantum Mechanics known to physicists studying the quantum realm as 'Temporal Reversal'. At the quantum level, it seems that time itself can be manipulated. "The potential of this discovery is potentially limitless", said Professor Zarkov at the University of Ming.

The applications of the project, if successful, will allow processing at speeds never dreamt of before. "We can now perform basic x86 operations in 'reverse time'" revealed an unnamed AMD engineer. "We have found a way to determine the result of basic ADDs and MULs before they are executed. ...It's kinda spooky in a way. It's as if our prototype is, well, alive." he added. "We've even managed to use the prototype to send signals to our future selves, but there are certain paradoxes that we must overcome. They give me a damn headache." Intel spokesperson Letni Evoli was unconcerned: "it's nothing we haven't seen before in our labs. In fact, we use similar technology in our Core architecture to remove heat from the chip before it is generated."

So when will these time-travelling superchips be available? Leaked internal roadmaps seem to point to an early April release next year, and will apparently debut as add-in cards on AMD's Torrenza platform. Initially they will be far from cheap, but a budget version, the 'Tempron', is planned. An industry analyst told us that Temporal Inversion Technology will ultimately allow for the removal of the processor altogether, saving AMD significant manufacturing costs.

Software vendors will soon make use of this breakthrough. We managed to chat briefly with Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, who described the technology as 'l33t'. "When we found out, we cancelled Vista's planned successor and started work on its replacement, Windows Masivo, which will take advantage of this new technology. Our new file system, Phat64, will enable us to quadruple the size of the average application." he said. A new anti-piracy feature will also show up in Vista's replacement, dubbed 'Predictive Activation Super Tech' which, when combined with the right hardware, will enable Microsoft's servers to determine whether you have activated your copy, before you activate it, if you activate it. "This is our piece de resis..." at which point we terminated our conversation.

AMD officials did not comment on the story.

 

[SparkyJJO]

If it was pulled it can be for one of two things, it is false or it is the real deal and they don't like it being leaked. I hope it is the latter

 

[Vogel515]

Haha, this has to be a joke.

I can't wait to get a "TiT" processor, so I will have a l33t machine like Bill Gates.

 

[yacoub]

hooray for April 1st starting early because frustrated pranksters can't get people to buy their jokes on April 1st anymore =P

 

[phantom404]

lol "Phat64"

 

[GuitarDaddy]

ROFL! :laugh:

 

[swtethan]

mmmm tit

 

[SilthDraeth]

LAWL

 

[BladeVenom]

The Onion?

 

[GeezerMan]

Old news. My temporal Blackberry told me about this years ago.

 

[sandorski]

Please keep us abreast about the TIT Technology!!


Hmm, someone jumped the gun on April Fools, probably why the article quickly disappeared.

 

[Avalon]

LOL, nice joke.

 

[Acanthus]

Gee it might be april fools with 401 in the codename.

 

[Phynaz]

Sounds like an article Viditor wrote.

 

[SilthDraeth]

Originally posted by: Phynaz
Sounds like an article Viditor wrote.

Is Viditor still around? All jokes aside that guy is sharp.

 

[nyker96]

they better get a timecop over to AMD headquarter and monitor those dudes, make sure they don't travel into the future to steal lotto number results and make themselves all billionaires!

 

[RichUK]

HAHAHA. That?s brilliant.

 

[RichUK]

Originally posted by: SilthDraeth

Originally posted by: Phynaz
Sounds like an article Viditor wrote.

Is Viditor still around? All jokes aside that guy is sharp.

He?s a top bloke that knew his stuff. :thumbsup:

 

[lyssword]

Originally posted by: nyker96
they better get a timecop over to AMD headquarter and monitor those dudes, make sure they don't travel into the future to steal lotto number results and make themselves all billionaires!

arnold or van damm?

 

[Viditor]

Originally posted by: RichUK

Originally posted by: SilthDraeth

Originally posted by: Phynaz
Sounds like an article Viditor wrote.

Is Viditor still around? All jokes aside that guy is sharp.

He?s a top bloke that knew his stuff. :thumbsup:

Cheers, guys!

And Phynaz, I just don't think I'm skilled enough to write a good joke like this one...but thanks for the vote of confidence!

 

[imported_Truenofan]

wow, this is bad...

 

[BitByBit]

Originally posted by: sandorski
Please keep us abreast about the TIT Technology!!


Hmm, someone jumped the gun on April Fools, probably why the article quickly disappeared.

I was unable to post the 'article' at the weekend due to my being away, so I decided two days prior was better than one day late. As for the article being pulled, well, it was never published in the first place
In my original draft, I included a link to the fictitious Website 'www.superl33ttechwtf.com', but eventually decided against using it. Still, I got some laughs out of it.

 

[Regs]

April fools.

 

[nyker96]

Originally posted by: lyssword

Originally posted by: nyker96
they better get a timecop over to AMD headquarter and monitor those dudes, make sure they don't travel into the future to steal lotto number results and make themselves all billionaires!

arnold or van damm?

They better get both of them to do this, 'cause I think AMD might steal some of that advanced Intel 45nm technology and bring it back to the past ... like all the people who bought an older 90nm AMD chip in the past 3 years will suddenly get find a 45nm chip running in their rig ... excellent AMD! that's what I call advanced technology ...

 

[sandorski]

Originally posted by: BitByBit

Originally posted by: sandorski
Please keep us abreast about the TIT Technology!!


Hmm, someone jumped the gun on April Fools, probably why the article quickly disappeared.

I was unable to post the 'article' at the weekend due to my being away, so I decided two days prior was better than one day late. As for the article being pulled, well, it was never published in the first place
In my original draft, I included a link to the fictitious Website 'www.superl33ttechwtf.com', but eventually decided against using it. Still, I got some laughs out of it.

ah, ok, hehe