Dear Mr. Rumsfeld,
We understand that you are concerned about the cost of US Armed forces deployment in Iraq, and your efforts to cut these costs are being thwarted by negative media publicity (for instance the very logical cut in salaries for the GIs). We believe we have the right solution to your problems, and suggest you consider outsourcing the US Armed forces to India.
While on the face of it this may appear to be a radical decision, we believe a rational, business minded statesman like you will appreciate that India, with its 10 million highly trained English speaking soldiers with basic C programming skills, is the right choice. These forces can be deployed at very short notice, with some minimal training on US hardware (which can be outsourced too). To make the business logic even more compelling, we are willing to offer a special introductory package which includes :
1. 250,000 soldiers and 15,000 officers C&F Baghdad @ USD 20/day all inclusive, first months payment payable in advance;
2. Two armed incursions each into Syria and Iran included. Separate discount pricing can be negotiated for full scale escalation to a war;
3. A flat rate of USD 10 per Iraqi killed. Volume discounts can be negotiated separately.
4. USD 500K for 'discovering' WMDs, for an additional payment of USD250K, WMD can be made to originate from Russia or China (additional USD 100K for N Korea);
5. 500 Economy size statues of President Bush (to be installed at major intersections) included. Further installations @ USD 10 per statue (economy size); USD 25 (standard size); USD 50 (Kind size); USD 100 (Emperor superior size). On orders of more than 1000 units, equal number of Barbara Bush statuettes included for free;
6. 1,000 US flags (asbestos lined fire proof / stain proof) included;
7. 500 McDonald Arches and 500 Col Sanders statues included;
8. 4 High definition live color feeds from Baghdad city on a 24/7 basis. USD 100/day for English language voice over. USD 500/day for American (Texas) accent, with US flag in captions (can be replaced with Halliburton logo at the same price);
9. Several other options negotiable, including the construction of at least 25 Christian churches with optional monthly BBQ pork revivals.
As you can see, the cost of running this operation will be around 40 Mn USD / week, a 96% discount on your current cost of 1 Bn USD/week. And with no hidden liabilities and negative media coverage. We believe this solution will be extremely attractive in the run up to the 2004 elections, where you can make the recall of the US Army conditional to their voting Republican. At the same time, there is no risk of any backlash from US citizens since this force will not be stationed in US.
We look forward to a favorable response, and are willing to arrange for live demonstration of our abilities.
Sincerely
Gupta Ratnam
General Manager, Outsourcing projects
Indian Ministry of Defence
New Delhi.
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