The European Commission has just announced an agreement that
English will be the official language of the EU - rather than German
(the other possibility).
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Gouvernment conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a
5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and
reclassify it as EuroEnglish.
The agreed plan is as follows:
In Year 1, the soft "c" would be replaced by "s". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be replaced by "k". This should clear up
konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" is replased by "f".
This will reduse "fotograf" by 20%.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Gouvernments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that
the horible mes of the silent "e" in the language is disgrasful and
they should eliminat them.
By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as
replasin "th" with "z" and "w" with "v" (saving mor keyboard spas)..
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to
understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU !!
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