Divorcees, I need you help.
My marriage has been an enormous struggle for the past 8 years and now it is completely dead, it is tearing me down being forced to occupy the same space with a woman who won't talk to me for weeks on end for ANY argument we may have no matter how insignificant. It's hard to describe how depressing it is for me to in this situation with my wife, but I've forced myself to continue in this situation because of my son who we both love dearly.
She is an excellent mom and I appreciate how hard she works at it. My son spent the first three years of his life as a special-needs child, requiring early intervention and occupational therapy. Now, however, he is so well adjusted that he has advanced a grade (he's 7 now.) I think she's responsible for that change.
As good as a mother as she is, I think the environment we're raising our son in is unhealthy.
Since we've been married she's pulled this routine where she won't talk to me for WEEKS for ANY disagreement we may have. It doesn't matter how small the disagreement is because whatever the issue was, it just served sparked this enormous mountain loathing and resentment that she harbors. We never have discussions, disagreements, or arguments about the issues at hand but rather EVERYTHING she's ever disliked about me and our relationship. It makes it impossible to accomplish anything
We've been to marriage counseling and she's been told she needs to limit disagreements to the issue at hand. It was also pointed out that we've literally never reconciled ANY disagreement in our marriage because instead of compromising she just puts up this ice cold wall for weeks until we finally make up and tearfully apologize. The reconciliation will last any where from a couple of days to a couple of months, but usually just a couple of weeks. This process has repeated so many times over the last 8 years that it's simultaneously mind boggling and incredibly depressing.
That's a long story short but I think it provides enough insight into the emotional side of my desire for divorce to move on from that aspect in this discussion.
I want out of this relationship. What complicates the situation is the fact that we're a military family living overseas in Germany. I've pleaded with my wife to either choose to stay with me and work towards fixing our marriage by learning how to compromise and let go of grudges, or separate and eventually divorce. She's instead chosen option C which is "do neither and continue to share my living area in deafening silence and neglect, pursue her masters degree on my dollar when I can't afford it, leave me when we're back in the US and she has he degree, and not earn a dime in the meantime." This is quite literally how out last conversation went, some paraphrasing aside.
I've put this decision off for years due to my desperation of knowing how this process will affect my son but I feel I have no choice; it's worse for him to watch two people live like this.
I don't know the first thing about divorce, but if I weren't overseas the first thing I would do is talk to a lawyer. I don't know where to begin, and I'm admittedly overwheled by the logistacal, financial and emotional connotations of the prospect of divorce. After all that drivel (and I apologize for that but it was nice to get it off my chest) this is where I ask for the insight of ATOT board members who've gone through a similar situations.
btw, we are considered legal residents of Alaska.
Thank you all very much for your patience insight.
John
My marriage has been an enormous struggle for the past 8 years and now it is completely dead, it is tearing me down being forced to occupy the same space with a woman who won't talk to me for weeks on end for ANY argument we may have no matter how insignificant. It's hard to describe how depressing it is for me to in this situation with my wife, but I've forced myself to continue in this situation because of my son who we both love dearly.
She is an excellent mom and I appreciate how hard she works at it. My son spent the first three years of his life as a special-needs child, requiring early intervention and occupational therapy. Now, however, he is so well adjusted that he has advanced a grade (he's 7 now.) I think she's responsible for that change.
As good as a mother as she is, I think the environment we're raising our son in is unhealthy.
Since we've been married she's pulled this routine where she won't talk to me for WEEKS for ANY disagreement we may have. It doesn't matter how small the disagreement is because whatever the issue was, it just served sparked this enormous mountain loathing and resentment that she harbors. We never have discussions, disagreements, or arguments about the issues at hand but rather EVERYTHING she's ever disliked about me and our relationship. It makes it impossible to accomplish anything
We've been to marriage counseling and she's been told she needs to limit disagreements to the issue at hand. It was also pointed out that we've literally never reconciled ANY disagreement in our marriage because instead of compromising she just puts up this ice cold wall for weeks until we finally make up and tearfully apologize. The reconciliation will last any where from a couple of days to a couple of months, but usually just a couple of weeks. This process has repeated so many times over the last 8 years that it's simultaneously mind boggling and incredibly depressing.
That's a long story short but I think it provides enough insight into the emotional side of my desire for divorce to move on from that aspect in this discussion.
I want out of this relationship. What complicates the situation is the fact that we're a military family living overseas in Germany. I've pleaded with my wife to either choose to stay with me and work towards fixing our marriage by learning how to compromise and let go of grudges, or separate and eventually divorce. She's instead chosen option C which is "do neither and continue to share my living area in deafening silence and neglect, pursue her masters degree on my dollar when I can't afford it, leave me when we're back in the US and she has he degree, and not earn a dime in the meantime." This is quite literally how out last conversation went, some paraphrasing aside.
I've put this decision off for years due to my desperation of knowing how this process will affect my son but I feel I have no choice; it's worse for him to watch two people live like this.
I don't know the first thing about divorce, but if I weren't overseas the first thing I would do is talk to a lawyer. I don't know where to begin, and I'm admittedly overwheled by the logistacal, financial and emotional connotations of the prospect of divorce. After all that drivel (and I apologize for that but it was nice to get it off my chest) this is where I ask for the insight of ATOT board members who've gone through a similar situations.
btw, we are considered legal residents of Alaska.
Thank you all very much for your patience insight.
John
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