Hey guys. Well, it's been a long day/year/whatever, and I kinda wanted to just get some stuff outta my head so here it goes.
Well, I'm not totally sure how to start. I suppose I am posting this just as a way to get some advice or something. Since I don't know exactly how to begin, I'm gonna tell you about my school backround and personality.
I think that I'm a good kid. Right now i'm 15 years old and get good grades. My mom thinks I don't try hard enough. I got a 3.7 last year as a freshman. My older sister is 17 and I am constantly getting compared with her. My mom is always telling me that "my sister always talks with her," so I should too. But, I can't stand talking to my mom about anything. I'm not one that will bend the truth to make myself look better. My sister has drank and smoked pot. I'm not against it at all, but meanwhile, while I may be the only kid in my grade that hasn't, my mom thinks I'm the rebel kid purely because I don't talk with her. Any of you who have had/have older siblings I hope you understand. While at the dinner table and everyone is done eating. My older sister will begin to tell the family how she got "the best grade in the whole class on her AP phych test." She is always calling her classes by their FULL names. It can become quite annoying. Immidiatly after she begins bending the truth and making herself look good I leave the table. I can't stand it.
I am also a funny guy, constantly making people laugh. I find it much easier to be witty around people that I feel I am better than. I don't konw how to explain it, other than that if I feel intimidating, I'm much more comfortable. Moving onto my school.
I had been going to a small private school since I was in K-5. There was maybe 30 kids in my class and I was as you could say, "popular." I've never been a mean kid, and I like to think that i treat people as nice as they are to me. If there was a new kid in class, I'd show them around and generally help them feel at home. I'll get along with most anyone. I like to think that I would only be mean towards someone if he/she had been exceptionally negative or w/e to myself which led to several in class suspentions from school. While I got along with everyone at my school, I never had a real good friend that I did stuff with all the time. My best friend was almost my equivalent in everything except school (grades.) We were always competing to be the best, meanwhile getting along great. I've always been very competitive and hate losing. Even with our great friendship, I had been to his house maybe 3 times in my whole eight years in going to the school. He always said that his house is boring. I dunno. I had a great friend in middleschool that was a girl named Lee. I'd call her almost every night and tell her almost everything. It was very nice. We could talk about anything and had the most fun together. Her only problem was, was that she could sometimes change her personality to fit the group she was with. It seemed as though she would talk badly about her friends in attempt to get with other people. This was something that I never liked. Another thing is that she always got her way. For all her faults I still loved her as a friend because I could tell her anything I wanted, and she would truely listen.
On to highschool. Going from a small private catholic school to a large public school seemed to be an easy change for me at first. I new many of the more popular guys from football, as I had played youth football with them in 8th grade. My friends invited me to their houses and sleepovers more than I had ever done in my years at private school. It seemed to be going well. I think that I could have done fine if not for a certain guy. He was the big shot in our group, and never seemed to get along with me. Constantly calling me names and stuff. I never seemed to mind and continued to get IN with the group once and for all. I persisted for quite a while almost into the end of freshman year. Through freshman year I still had not found someone I could truely talk to on a regular basis as my friend Lee in middleschool. I always knew that talking to someone was very important for me, and not being able too was harmful. (This led to me needing to write this post.)
After a while I began to realize that I indeed, needed to find a new group to hang out with that I could be myself in. The guys that I now began hanging out with where not the typical jocks that my old friends where. While they all played sports and such, they where much more rugged and relaxed than my former friends. It was going great, I could be myself more. They began to invite me to parties and the usual. This to was going good, but it quickly seemed to die. We still hang out on a regular basis, but that is usually purely at my rich friends house were we all play halo. It seems as though I'm only there to be another body to play halo. Keep in mind, they aren't geeks, they all play sports, go drink occasionally on the weekends, and mess around with girls.
Right now my best friend is this guy that doesn't play football and doesn't worry about girls too much. He's just a great guy and we get along great. We play madden quite frequently, go on bikerides to CompUSA in which we test all the video games. This friendship begane near the end of summer. Right now i can usually count on doing something with him whenever I want to, but it seems as tho if one of his more popular friends occasionally want to do something with him, he'd pick them over me in a heartbeat. Right now I can't be complaining, because all my friends have known each other all the way through middleschool and before, one of my disadvantages you may say.
I now want to talk about the women in my life
Well, I can say that I've only truley like two girls my whole life. One in middleschool who was great. She, in my mind was the perfect girlfriend at the time. Our families had similar lifestyles. She was pretty, funny, and extremely nice. One of my weaknesses with girls is that I become very shy when I'm around the girl that I think is right for me. I could hardley hold a conversation in person. In the 7th grade, my best friend began dating the girl I thought was perfect for me. I was devestated. In my mind he had beat me. They had been going out until recently, a very long time, and I to this day still think we would go together just perfectly. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt good when i heard of the breakup. On too the second and last girl I felt could be perfect for me. A weird coincidence of her is that we had piano lessons for 4 years when we where about 5, and that one of my jock friends had gone out with her. This girl has got it all. She is absolutly beautiful, she is very funny, one of the nicest girls I know, and she is musical, which is great in my mind because, I am in choir, have played piano since I was 5, and am in the school band. I think that her being musical and playing the piano may be one of her best assets. I believe that I have liked her ever since I met her. Its just this weird thing of mine. If i find a girl that is perfect in my mind, she will be the only one I truley like. I feel this need to get into a very stable and long lasting relationship, one of the reasons I have only like two girls my whole life. Many would say love, but I feel that I have never loved anyone in my life, but that these two girls may be the only girls I know that I could be capable of loving. You can say that I'm very orthodox. I have never done anything with any girls. I've only had several girlfriends, but they where short relationships that went nowhere.
Last year December I asked Leanna, the most recent girl, to winter formal. One of the two formal dances for under class-men. She agreed and I hoped that would instigate the long relationship I needed. I say needed because I feel that having someone care about me and always being able to count on is very important. None of my friends have long meaningful relationships, and I don't know how to explain that I feel the need to have one. Its just that I think that having someone there all the time would be great. I dunno...
After we planned to go to winter formal together, the dance was canceled and turned into a regular mixer as a result of near no tickets being sold. This was a mojor blow. As you all know, I've been shy with girls, so I had never been able to get onto a higher relationship with leanna. I called her once and that was about plans about winter formal, which failed horribly. I feel that I need a reason to be calling someone, and can't just call to talk the first time. I tried to forget about her. As sophomore year began, the biggest dance of the year crept up...homecoming. Again I gathered up the courage to ask the girl of my dreams. Then, no less than two days ago I did. After I asked her she told me that someone had already asked her and she planned to go with her friends. We hugged and went to our next classes, in opposite directions. One of my friends from band is good friends with this girl, and told me that she had wanted to go with me, but as she had already told a guy that she was going with her friends, couldn't agree to go with me. This is just one example of how nice this girl is and only makes me like her more. We are slowly creeping up to present time in my "story." Right now, its 12:33 AM on Sunday the 21st and I have been talking to the girl. It was her birthday yesterday the 20th. I made sure to tell her happy birthday and strived to make meaningful conversation. As of now, I'm pretty sure she has no feelings for me other than we are Ok friends. We've never done anything together, and have no classes together.
I guess this post was just a way of sharing my feelings to others. I don't care if you read it or not. You may now think that I'm a strange guy who is desparate with girls as the beef of the post was about the only two girls I ever felt for. The reason it may have consisted of this is because of my poor friendships with any guys and that I think I would be able to just stop trying so hard to get friends and changing my personality if I could only be with someone that feels good about me.
Feel free to reply, flame me, or tell any of your stories.
If anyone has any questions for me, ask away. This wasn't the most organized post.
Well, I'm not totally sure how to start. I suppose I am posting this just as a way to get some advice or something. Since I don't know exactly how to begin, I'm gonna tell you about my school backround and personality.
I think that I'm a good kid. Right now i'm 15 years old and get good grades. My mom thinks I don't try hard enough. I got a 3.7 last year as a freshman. My older sister is 17 and I am constantly getting compared with her. My mom is always telling me that "my sister always talks with her," so I should too. But, I can't stand talking to my mom about anything. I'm not one that will bend the truth to make myself look better. My sister has drank and smoked pot. I'm not against it at all, but meanwhile, while I may be the only kid in my grade that hasn't, my mom thinks I'm the rebel kid purely because I don't talk with her. Any of you who have had/have older siblings I hope you understand. While at the dinner table and everyone is done eating. My older sister will begin to tell the family how she got "the best grade in the whole class on her AP phych test." She is always calling her classes by their FULL names. It can become quite annoying. Immidiatly after she begins bending the truth and making herself look good I leave the table. I can't stand it.
I am also a funny guy, constantly making people laugh. I find it much easier to be witty around people that I feel I am better than. I don't konw how to explain it, other than that if I feel intimidating, I'm much more comfortable. Moving onto my school.
I had been going to a small private school since I was in K-5. There was maybe 30 kids in my class and I was as you could say, "popular." I've never been a mean kid, and I like to think that i treat people as nice as they are to me. If there was a new kid in class, I'd show them around and generally help them feel at home. I'll get along with most anyone. I like to think that I would only be mean towards someone if he/she had been exceptionally negative or w/e to myself which led to several in class suspentions from school. While I got along with everyone at my school, I never had a real good friend that I did stuff with all the time. My best friend was almost my equivalent in everything except school (grades.) We were always competing to be the best, meanwhile getting along great. I've always been very competitive and hate losing. Even with our great friendship, I had been to his house maybe 3 times in my whole eight years in going to the school. He always said that his house is boring. I dunno. I had a great friend in middleschool that was a girl named Lee. I'd call her almost every night and tell her almost everything. It was very nice. We could talk about anything and had the most fun together. Her only problem was, was that she could sometimes change her personality to fit the group she was with. It seemed as though she would talk badly about her friends in attempt to get with other people. This was something that I never liked. Another thing is that she always got her way. For all her faults I still loved her as a friend because I could tell her anything I wanted, and she would truely listen.
On to highschool. Going from a small private catholic school to a large public school seemed to be an easy change for me at first. I new many of the more popular guys from football, as I had played youth football with them in 8th grade. My friends invited me to their houses and sleepovers more than I had ever done in my years at private school. It seemed to be going well. I think that I could have done fine if not for a certain guy. He was the big shot in our group, and never seemed to get along with me. Constantly calling me names and stuff. I never seemed to mind and continued to get IN with the group once and for all. I persisted for quite a while almost into the end of freshman year. Through freshman year I still had not found someone I could truely talk to on a regular basis as my friend Lee in middleschool. I always knew that talking to someone was very important for me, and not being able too was harmful. (This led to me needing to write this post.)
After a while I began to realize that I indeed, needed to find a new group to hang out with that I could be myself in. The guys that I now began hanging out with where not the typical jocks that my old friends where. While they all played sports and such, they where much more rugged and relaxed than my former friends. It was going great, I could be myself more. They began to invite me to parties and the usual. This to was going good, but it quickly seemed to die. We still hang out on a regular basis, but that is usually purely at my rich friends house were we all play halo. It seems as though I'm only there to be another body to play halo. Keep in mind, they aren't geeks, they all play sports, go drink occasionally on the weekends, and mess around with girls.
Right now my best friend is this guy that doesn't play football and doesn't worry about girls too much. He's just a great guy and we get along great. We play madden quite frequently, go on bikerides to CompUSA in which we test all the video games. This friendship begane near the end of summer. Right now i can usually count on doing something with him whenever I want to, but it seems as tho if one of his more popular friends occasionally want to do something with him, he'd pick them over me in a heartbeat. Right now I can't be complaining, because all my friends have known each other all the way through middleschool and before, one of my disadvantages you may say.
I now want to talk about the women in my life
Well, I can say that I've only truley like two girls my whole life. One in middleschool who was great. She, in my mind was the perfect girlfriend at the time. Our families had similar lifestyles. She was pretty, funny, and extremely nice. One of my weaknesses with girls is that I become very shy when I'm around the girl that I think is right for me. I could hardley hold a conversation in person. In the 7th grade, my best friend began dating the girl I thought was perfect for me. I was devestated. In my mind he had beat me. They had been going out until recently, a very long time, and I to this day still think we would go together just perfectly. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt good when i heard of the breakup. On too the second and last girl I felt could be perfect for me. A weird coincidence of her is that we had piano lessons for 4 years when we where about 5, and that one of my jock friends had gone out with her. This girl has got it all. She is absolutly beautiful, she is very funny, one of the nicest girls I know, and she is musical, which is great in my mind because, I am in choir, have played piano since I was 5, and am in the school band. I think that her being musical and playing the piano may be one of her best assets. I believe that I have liked her ever since I met her. Its just this weird thing of mine. If i find a girl that is perfect in my mind, she will be the only one I truley like. I feel this need to get into a very stable and long lasting relationship, one of the reasons I have only like two girls my whole life. Many would say love, but I feel that I have never loved anyone in my life, but that these two girls may be the only girls I know that I could be capable of loving. You can say that I'm very orthodox. I have never done anything with any girls. I've only had several girlfriends, but they where short relationships that went nowhere. Last year December I asked Leanna, the most recent girl, to winter formal. One of the two formal dances for under class-men. She agreed and I hoped that would instigate the long relationship I needed. I say needed because I feel that having someone care about me and always being able to count on is very important. None of my friends have long meaningful relationships, and I don't know how to explain that I feel the need to have one. Its just that I think that having someone there all the time would be great. I dunno...
After we planned to go to winter formal together, the dance was canceled and turned into a regular mixer as a result of near no tickets being sold. This was a mojor blow. As you all know, I've been shy with girls, so I had never been able to get onto a higher relationship with leanna. I called her once and that was about plans about winter formal, which failed horribly. I feel that I need a reason to be calling someone, and can't just call to talk the first time. I tried to forget about her. As sophomore year began, the biggest dance of the year crept up...homecoming. Again I gathered up the courage to ask the girl of my dreams. Then, no less than two days ago I did. After I asked her she told me that someone had already asked her and she planned to go with her friends. We hugged and went to our next classes, in opposite directions. One of my friends from band is good friends with this girl, and told me that she had wanted to go with me, but as she had already told a guy that she was going with her friends, couldn't agree to go with me. This is just one example of how nice this girl is and only makes me like her more. We are slowly creeping up to present time in my "story." Right now, its 12:33 AM on Sunday the 21st and I have been talking to the girl. It was her birthday yesterday the 20th. I made sure to tell her happy birthday and strived to make meaningful conversation. As of now, I'm pretty sure she has no feelings for me other than we are Ok friends. We've never done anything together, and have no classes together.
I guess this post was just a way of sharing my feelings to others. I don't care if you read it or not. You may now think that I'm a strange guy who is desparate with girls as the beef of the post was about the only two girls I ever felt for. The reason it may have consisted of this is because of my poor friendships with any guys and that I think I would be able to just stop trying so hard to get friends and changing my personality if I could only be with someone that feels good about me.
Feel free to reply, flame me, or tell any of your stories.
If anyone has any questions for me, ask away. This wasn't the most organized post.
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