A sticky kindergardener / older kid situation...

[ajf3]

Hiya all,

We're trying to deal with an issue with our son who just turned 6 last month and some older kids at this school... this is one of the first times we're running into one of those, it's a tough world situations....

Anyway, a little history... He goes to 1/2 day kindergarden at the local school & we usually drop him off and pick him up. Occasionally, he rides the bus. We were hesitant at first since all of the kids on the bus route are older, but we tried it a few months ago and after a period of adjustment where he wasn't interacting with anyone, he made a couple of 'friends'.

Anyway, these older kids (3rd - 5th grade) are into Yu-Gi-Oh cards which are kinda like modern day baseball cards. He came home awhile ago with one that one of the kids gave him since he didn't have any of his own at the time... That made us feel a little better in that he was kinda making friends, etc. Fast forward a few months... he has a bunch of his own cards now that he got for his birthday, special rewards, etc... He rides the bus once a week or so since he likes to & gets a kick out of showing his cards & looking at others cards.

Yesterday, we're talking about school & he excitedly tells me he traded a boy on the bus... I ask what he traded & he says I traded a Blue Eyes White Dragon for a Blue Eyes White Dragon (a somewhat desireable card). I pretty much know what's up at this point, but ask him if I can see the one he got... He traded his mint card for one that looked like it sat in a puddle and was run over a couple of times...

I'm not concerned at all with the money aspect - if we considered them valuable, we wouldn't let him take them to school, but I'm burning up inside that he was played for a dupe. I tried to explain that the condition of the card makes it better, etc but it seems like he's not really into that - or he's embarassed about what happened and doesn't want to address it.

Anyway, I suggest he ask the boy to trade back when he see's him on the bus today & don't make too much of a big deal about it... He comes home from school today & I ask if he asked to trade back & he says that the boy was too busy talking for him to ask him about trading back (acting kinda weirdly)... Also says, but Dad I traded another boy today!

Turns out he gave the other boy his "Saint Joan - first edition" which is kinda collectable - actually, the only one that he got that was in a protective sleeve - likely his best card... I ask what he traded for & he said the boy told him he would give him a better card (unspecified) tomorrow... ugh!

We're struggling with a couple of options, but my wife's pretty irate about the whole thing...

1. Forbid him from trading his cards with others?
2. Don't let him take the cards on the bus anymore?
3. Trying to get the cards back, engaging the school if necessary?

It really sucks since he enjoys getting good cards as gifts & really gets excited about trading them, but it's bothering us that he's getting taken advantage of...

Anyway, any thought out there?

 

[Jmmsbnd007]

Lace the next set of cards with cocaine, and then call the school telling them that a kid traded a card with your son that had a "white powder" on it

 

[Electric Amish]

Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

 

[xirtam]

I totally missed it.

 

[Jmmsbnd007]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

So the loser bullies win?

 

This hasn't happened to me but I've known of a couple situations like this back when pogs were really popular (slammers, anyone?). Anyway, I would do anything BUT get the school involved. Having the school intervene and give your son's cards back would result in many many hours of teasing and ridiculing at his expense. Even though these kids are only 6 years old or so, it's still not cool to have your parents do stuff for you.

If I were you, I'd basically tell your child what you told us - since he's avoiding it, it seems like he knows what happened and is just embarassed about it. Tell him that if he 'stands up' to the kid who traded him, he might get it back. But make sure he realizes his mistake and that he's careful about dealing with older kids in the future.

One cardinal rule though, is that parents shouldn't get directly involved in disputes that don't involve physical harm. It only results in more torment for the kid (trust me, I know).

Hope this helps.

 

[Hubris]

That's what kids do, unfortunately. Only thing I can suggest is not let him take certain "more collectible" cards to school with him. Let him take the dime a dozen ones and trade those to his heart's content.

Some things he just needs to learn in time and if it's not bothering him, don't make a huge deal out of it and take that piece of innocence from him.

 

[edro]

Do Nothing. Let him figure it out. It is part of growing up.

Blue Eye'd White Dragon

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

If you're not worried about the money, I'd let the kid do what makes him happy. He'll learn the value later in life. Why push it on him now?

 

[RossMAN]

Originally posted by: edro13
Do Nothing. Let him figure it out. It is part of growing up.

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: Jmmsbnd007

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

So the loser bullies win?

They're not bullies.

The child is too young to understand "value". If he's not being hurt by it let him have his fun. Eventually he'll get the jist of trading.

This "collectible" BS has taken things way outta hand. When card trading first started you traded to get your players or your team, not for some arbitrary "value" that a card supposedly posesses.

amish

 

[Jmmsbnd007]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: Jmmsbnd007

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

So the loser bullies win?

They're not bullies.

The child is too young to understand "value". If he's not being hurt by it let him have his fun. Eventually he'll get the jist of trading.

This "collectible" BS has taken things way outta hand. When card trading first started you traded to get your players or your team, not for some arbitrary "value" that a card supposedly posesses.

amish

Yeah, they're bullies for taking advantage of the poor kid. Once is nothing, twice shows exploitation.

 

[bleeb]

tell your kid that he's getting taken advantage of... by these bastards... tell him to regulate, kick some azz.

 

[imported_Tomato]

It's sad that your son is being taken advantage of... odds are, the older kids know fully well what they're doing. I know you must be frustrated, but at this point, you can only teach your own child right/wrong, not the children of others. I wouldn't make your son feel bad about what's happening, but do NOT do "3. Trying to get the cards back, engaging the school if necessary?" Hopefully he'll learn to stand up for himself and make better decisions about trading. Hope that helps...

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: Jmmsbnd007

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: Jmmsbnd007

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

So the loser bullies win?

They're not bullies.

The child is too young to understand "value". If he's not being hurt by it let him have his fun. Eventually he'll get the jist of trading.

This "collectible" BS has taken things way outta hand. When card trading first started you traded to get your players or your team, not for some arbitrary "value" that a card supposedly posesses.

amish

Yeah, they're bullies for taking advantage of the poor kid. Once is nothing, twice shows exploitation.

Life goes on. The point is that the kid's having a good time. Why ruin that?

 

[notfred]

Who gives a crap? He traded his own paper card with very little value for another paper card with very little value. You want to punish him for it? What are you gonna do, take his cards away? He's gonna go to school, the other kids are gonna ask where his cards are, and he's gonna have to say, "My dad took them away cause I'm too stupid to be trusted with a $0.05 paper card".

OK, he might not say it that way, but he's gonna think it.

 

[FuZoR]

eh im sure this happens to most kids at a young age trying to "hang" with the older kids...

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: Jmmsbnd007

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: Jmmsbnd007

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Relax. Let him do what he likes and be happy for him.

amish

So the loser bullies win?

They're not bullies.

The child is too young to understand "value". If he's not being hurt by it let him have his fun. Eventually he'll get the jist of trading.

This "collectible" BS has taken things way outta hand. When card trading first started you traded to get your players or your team, not for some arbitrary "value" that a card supposedly posesses.

amish

Yeah, they're bullies for taking advantage of the poor kid. Once is nothing, twice shows exploitation.

Everybody is exploited at some point in their life. It's called living.

If the child doesn't perceive it as harming him, why bother making him feel stupid for doing what he thought was fun. Leave him be. As notfred said, they're just paper cards.

amish

 

[Savij]

doesn't this happen to everyone at some point? Teach the kid about the value of things and let him learn instead of sheltering him.

 

[tarheelmm]

My son is actually going thru sorta the same thing. He does not fully understand the value of the card until after he gets home and tells us what he has done. Hard to do do but I just let him do it. They are just cards. If it was trading $20 for $5 I would be upset. The cards that he has are his. The only thing I can do is stress the point that the cards cost money and he just cant go trading them. If he wants to do a trade have him tell the boy to wait until the next day and let him come and ask.

 

[Garet Jax]

If will serve no purpose to engage the school to get the cards back since you are not worried about the money.

I would do one of two things based totally on how your son feels:

If your son is happy and having fun trading cards, then I would not intervene at all and let him continue to his hearts content.

If your son is embarrassed about being taken advantage of by the older boys, then you need to make sure he understands what he did wrong and also what he needs to do to correct it in the future. A good way to do this is to start putting together a checklist of all available cards. If your son knows what he has and what he needs, then he can approach trading with a goal in mind. When he accomplishes this goal he will feel better about himself and how he interacts with the older children. If you are worried about your son trading high value for low value cards, then you may want to create trading segments that show him which cards can be traded for which cards.

I would not have your son pursue re-acquiring the cards. It will allow the other children to poke fun at him again (probably happened the first time he actually made the trade) and also emphasize the mistake(s) that he already made.

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: notfred
Who gives a crap? He traded his own paper card with very little value for another paper card with very little value. You want to punish him for it? What are you gonna do, take his cards away? He's gonna go to school, the other kids are gonna ask where his cards are, and he's gonna have to say, "My dad took them away cause I'm too stupid to be trusted with a $0.05 paper card".

OK, he might not say it that way, but he's gonna think it.

Um, it's the principle. He's associating with people that he thinks are friends, but really are taking advantage of him and robbing him blind. And some of these cards are worth much more than $0.05

And taking away the cards is the not only option if he wanted to 'do something'.

Anyways, Everybody Loves Raymond did an episode on this problem as well!

What i would do, is find a book on the value of these cards, and start teaching your kid some simple economics and how to take advantage of it (or to not be taken advantage of)... you know, some cards are worth more because they're extremely rare or 'powerful' (are these gaming cards like Pokeman?). And you know, even if he doesn't get it right away, it'll be a good lesson for him eventually... once he realizes he has only crappy cards left from trading all his good cards away, he'll quickly get the idea of what went wrong.

 

[isasir]

Like everyone else said, definitely let him continue to play on the bus and have his fun.

The mere concept of trading/interacting is exciting to your son, so let him continue to do it.

If anything, I suppose you could explain to him that he doesn't need to trade just because someone else wants something of his. He should think about what' he's getting and what he's giving up. I don't know anything about this card game, but I'd assume a card is rare because it is performs something special other cards don't. If he realizes this, he may not want to give up that card.

 

[AgentEL]

In this case, I think ignorance is bliss. Like what a lot of people have said, let him trade if he's happy.

Kindegarten is too young to learn that there are selfish bastards out there that are out to get you. Let him live in his world of innocence while he can.

 

[CPA]

Don't worry, one day your kid will be the 5th grader and make friends with a kindergartner. Then he'll bring home all kinds of loot.