A question of morals....

[Brian23]

Ok, like, I could go out and get a date with almost any one of the MANY single girls out there. My only problem is one of morals. A while back I ran a thread asking y'all what you look for in a girl. Like, I'm not a mainstream Christian like most everyone else I know. I'm a seventh day adventist, but our church is really small and we don't even have a youth group. I know it would be wrong to just go out and get laid by some hot chick, but that's what everyone else would do. I have this constant conflict inside. One side tells me that I need to live up to the standard God has set forth and the other side tells me to go out and get a girlfriend. If I did get a christian gf, it still wouldn't work b/c all the girls I know are baptists, presbaterians ect.... And they don't live up to what you would expect from a christian. (Believe me, I dated one girl for a year and we finally broke up over our religious differences.) I frequently think about what it would be like if I hadn't broken up with her. The conflict inside me is screwing up my life. Sometimes I'll meet some nice girl and flirt with her for a few days, but in the back of my mind I know that she's not a SDA so then I just forget about her because I'm afraid of getting hurt again like I was by my first gf who I broke up with for reliogious reasons. Does anyone have any comments? I'm so confused right now and I don't know where I'm going in life.

 

[Colt45]

These are your morals, not mine.. so I really can't influence you one way or the other !

guess you've gotta make some personal choices.. which are best without outside pressure.. IMO..

 

[Brian23]

I can't choose. There are consequences for everything. I can't stand being single, but I can't give up my religious beliefs over a girl.

 

[BD231]

I'm going through the same thing man . I grew up a christian and I have that christian view on everything!. That little frikin feeling in your chest that just tells you something is not right, it's ALWAYS there when it comes to chicks who dont think like I do (i.e., have morals). All the girls I meet sleep around which is totally uncool with me, and all the christian girls seem deranged and extreme. The one thing that keeps me looking for the right lady(moral) is all the completely wrong sh*t I see people do all the time without even thinking twice about it. One thing is for sure, you'll never be able to kick that feeling you have about chicks who are loose and 'happy', you just know better man.

 

[Kadarin]

In my eyes, the problem with religion (Western Judeo-Christian monotheistic religion, that is) is that it goes against human nature, and in your case, causes conflict. It's perfectly natural for you to be sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex, and there's nothing wrong with pursuing a relationship.

In my opinion, the very concept of having to "live up to the standard God has set forth" is absolutely ridiculous. Does this make me a bad person? I certainly don't think so...

 

[Brian23]

so how do you deal with it bdog231? Like, do you stay away from all the loose girls, or not? Most of my friends fall into this catagory and we hang out all the time, but I only get more and more attracted to whichever girl it is that I like that week.

 

[DaveSimmons]

Well, if that is truly your faith then you should do what it takes to live by its rules, perhaps by trying to find where the adventists are more plentiful and moving there, or by using some matchmaking service and starting your courtship long-distance.

Or decide that sex is more important than your faith and go for it (despite the burning in hell consequences).

This is your test of faith so we can't really decide for you.

 

[BD231]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
In my eyes, the problem with religion (Western Judeo-Christian monotheistic religion, that is) is that it goes against human nature, and in your case, causes conflict. It's perfectly natural for you to be sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex, and there's nothing wrong with pursuing a relationship.

In my opinion, the very concept of having to "live up to the standard God has set forth" is absolutely ridiculous. Does this make me a bad person? I certainly don't think so...

Most certainly dose not make you a bad person, but if your saying human nature is JUST physical then I'd say your quite mistaken. I'm not trying to be mean here, because religion is something that's hard for me to accept at times, and I hate to feel like I have to defend it, but If you knew anything about the overall christian view of things, you would know sexuality is supposed to be pursued and is seen as a 'beautiful thing', but only after the whole getting married bit. People see religion as a limiting factor, but what is it really limiting you to? Sex with random people and the freedom to think crule and sinful thoughts without guilt, and that's pretty much it. God's 'standards' are quite simple, do what's right, and if you do the whole "I accept God" bit, you'll KNOW what's right and wrong. Brian23 proves that by his post, I know his thought's on religion are not the only thing making him say what said, those type of words come straight from his feelings.

 

[rgwalt]

Many Christian guys and girls go through the same problems. Do you have to go out with a 7th Day Adventist? Why are you restricted to your denomination? More importantly, is there a Biblical reason to restrict yourself to your denomination, and if so, can you point to it? If you can't point to a Biblical reason to date within your denomination, then try to find a girl that is a Christian, loves God, and that you can get along with spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more. I'm going through many of the same problems... I'm a Christian and dated a Christian girl for 3.5 years before we broke up. It has been over a year since I've had a serious date because there are so many self-imposed restrictions on who I would go out with.

Ah well, remember, God has good plans in store for you, and He will provide for you.

Ryan

 

[datalink7]

Well, I'm an atheist so I think my morals are quite a bit different than yours My advise would probably be contrary to what morals motivate you, so I won't give it.

But what I will say is this: My parents just celebrated their 20th aniversary. My mom is a Catholic, my dad is an Atheist.

 

[BD231]

Originally posted by: Brian23
so how do you deal with it bdog231? Like, do you stay away from all the loose girls, or not? Most of my friends fall into this catagory and we hang out all the time, but I only get more and more attracted to whichever girl it is that I like that week.

You just have to see that your attraction is mostly physical man. Your getting your wants and attractions kinna mixed up from what I can tell. I've tried to have a relationship with quite a few non-religious and sexually free chicks and once I got to know any of them I ended up seriously disliking them because of the things they saw as complete 'ok' and 'natural'. I guess you could say I stay away from the loose chicks, but only relationship wise. Your religion is no reason to block out people who don?t think like you do. Don?t let religion limit you like that, people will just see you as being closed minded and that's something you really don?t want to be. I'm sure you know when something is right or wrong and doing what you feel is right is the best thing to do. As far as finding a chick, it's obvious you'll need to find one that agrees with your way of thinking, and the same goes for anyone else, religious or not. I don?t know how old you are, but if your young, I think you just need to wait until you get older, mature a bit and get more comfortable with your feelings. If your 18 or something than the obvious answer would be to wait, that's what I've chosen (unless fait has it different), and who knows, maybe you need to go through another relationship to see that waiting is your best bet. I can assure you that you'll figure it out though.

 

[gopunk]

thank god i'm an atheist

anyways maybe you should talk to your priest about this or something.

 

[Ryan]

Advice: Ditch god. Atheists are much better in bed.

 

[PowerEngineer]

By this time you must realize that your beliefs (seventh day adventist) put you at odds with most everyone else you'll run into outside your church group. If you expect to maintain your faith, then you'd better be prepared to NOT do what your non-church firends do most of the time -- for the rest of your life.

Now I'm personally an agnostic, and certainly don't believe there's a "God" that laid down any laws for us. However, most of the religious rules have some basis in maintaining a stable society -- at least in the biblical/middle agces times that they were "revealed". This means that most of them aren't bad guidelines for even us agnostics. I've seen a lot of people, especially teenagers, make some really bad mistakes in the area of sex; screws up their entire lives.

 

[KokomoGST]

Well, from my understanding... it seems like the basic tenets of SDAs are the same as all denominations in the universal church with minor differences in practices and such. But that can be said of almost any denomination. Heck, even Adventists recognize that too.

There's people with different stages in their walk with Christ, whatever the denomination. It may not always be the case where their beliefs are different, it could be that your in different stages of your walks. The Bible says it's bad to be "unequally yoked"... this definitely applies for a relationship, but it's not completely unworkable.

There's a lot of people out there that are Christian in name only... they don't go to church, they don't read the Bible, etcetc. and probably wouldn't be compatible with you for a marriage-type relationship since I guess that's the goal. I think it has nothing to do with morality but rather with worldviews. You want someone who has a similar view as you. Sure, girls that don't share your worldview may be great people whom Jesus happens to love too, but probably not the best for a deep marriage relationship. I agree that you shouldn't limit yourself to your own denomination. So what if you disagree about what sacrements there are or whatnot... I feel that Ryan said it pretty well already. There are countless numbers of Christians that have lived through the same struggles as you... be encouraged by the fact that a whole buncha happily married Christian couples started out as single people just like you. God had plans for them as they do for you.

There are actually a lot of good books on this subject that you can read, ask around... I'm sure someone in your circles knows of some good books on dating within the Christian context... it's a whole lot different than the seculuar context in some ways, and in other ways, it's a whole lot the same too. Hope this encourages you a bit... feel free to PM.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: bdog231

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
In my eyes, the problem with religion (Western Judeo-Christian monotheistic religion, that is) is that it goes against human nature, and in your case, causes conflict. It's perfectly natural for you to be sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex, and there's nothing wrong with pursuing a relationship.

In my opinion, the very concept of having to "live up to the standard God has set forth" is absolutely ridiculous. Does this make me a bad person? I certainly don't think so...

Most certainly dose not make you a bad person, but if your saying human nature is JUST physical then I'd say your quite mistaken. I'm not trying to be mean here, because religion is something that's hard for me to accept at times, and I hate to feel like I have to defend it, but If you knew anything about the overall christian view of things, you would know sexuality is supposed to be pursued and is seen as a 'beautiful thing', but only after the whole getting married bit. People see religion as a limiting factor, but what is it really limiting you to? Sex with random people and the freedom to think crule and sinful thoughts without guilt, and that's pretty much it. God's 'standards' are quite simple, do what's right, and if you do the whole "I accept God" bit, you'll KNOW what's right and wrong. Brian23 proves that by his post, I know his thought's on religion are not the only thing making him say what said, those type of words come straight from his feelings.

I agree with you in that human nature is not just physical. However, I refuse to accept the (needless?) Christian requirement that sexuality must only be pursued *after* one has made a lifelong committment with a partner (of the opposite sex). If sex is seen as a beautiful thing, why is it something that's not taught? Not talked about openly? Not shown? Not encouraged? Why is it much more acceptable to show graphic violence in the media than it is to display meaningful sexuality? Why is it still illegal in some states to engage in certain forms of sexual behavior (even when married?)

 

[gotsmack]

didn't Jesus teach tolerance? like showing tolerance to people of other religions and to respect their opinions. Wouldn't this also imply that it's not cool to shove your morals down someoneelses throat?