A man wakes up in the hospital

[MovingTarget]

So a baby seal walks into a club...

 

[MovingTarget]

So a sans-serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, we don't serve your type here...

 

[Ichinisan]

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change.

After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row.

Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch and he just sits there, smiling. According to tradition this is, considered a reprieve from God and he is freed.

Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily handing out tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.

Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him. This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water, he tries everything - but the guy won't die. So again, he is set free.

Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him one day to lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket. He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and again survives the electrocution.

At this point, the failed executioner can take no more, his professional pride has been hurt. Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret.

"What is it with the bananas?" "Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it," replies our friend. "I'm just a bad conductor."

 

[coldmeat]

I've never heard of a "bus conductor". I've always heard that joke with a train conductor.