You may find yourself in the position to drink alcoholic beverages. Now, I do not recommend you do, but knowing that over 80% of college freshmen have partaken of liquor bya month into college, A few friendly warnings and suggestions before and after you drink:
1. Don't drink and drive (DUH!)
I cannot stress this enough. Once you feel "tispy", drop your keys on the table or in a potted plant and LEAVE THEM THERE! Walk home or ask someone to drive you. Don't think you are well enough to drive. If you can't hop on one leg in a straight line, you will not pass the BAT (blood alcohol test).
2. If you drink > 9 cups of beer within a couple hours, PISS!
For god's sake, PISS! THe reason why you do so is to get that alcohol out of your system before it enters your bloodstream. The BAC calculator at webtender.com says 14 12oz beers with a 140lb frame (average body weight of freshmen, including girls) is almost enough to kill you. But that's only if you are stupid enough to keep it all in. Drink your beer, but after about 9, start alternating beer and water to push that liquor through your system. I made it to 18 beers in 4 hours and still walked home without memory loss. all thanks to drink-drink-piss, drink-water-piss, -water,drink-piss system (and by "made it" i meant "before the keg was polished")
3. Don't be afraid to piss or hurl...OUTSIDE
Most people hosting parties with kegs (frats and private house parties) won't mind if you need ot take a leak or hurl your load if you forgot to do the former, as long as you do it outside. Whatever your upbringing, that bathroom is going to be packed inside the house with women. Men should not take the inside bathroom as it deprives the women of needed relief (if you make them go outside cause you're embarressed....you're kicked out most likely). If you hurl, make sure that's the spot you piss next to wash it out of their grass! (may be sick, advice # 3, but it's courtisy to your host)
4. If you feel sick to your stomach, "just add water"
I don't know what was in that keg that one night, but I went all out on beer pong and high-low with an empty stomach and my 145lb frame. WOW did i get knocked up quickly. Within 12 beers, I was out on the deck lying on my side in so much sickness... But some of my less-wasted buds got me a gallon of water and a straw (thanks guys) and that helps ALOT. Won't solve your sickness or pain, or hurling, but it will definately fill your bladder and dilute that stuff. If not water, gatoraide, but save that stuff for advice #7. BUT NO MORE ALCOHOL FOR YOU, and you'll not contest this when you feel this way...
5. WALKING HELPS GET RID OF DRUNKNESS!
WALK! If you're just before the point of being sick or not being able to stand, walk it off. No more beer, drink some water, and just walk. Walk around the block a few times. Get some fresh air. piss in the yard. w/e it takes. You need to get rid of that wasted feeling and get back to being drunk if you want to enjoy the party!
6. Walking home? Take the backroads and keep a low profile
You're gonna have to walk home. or back to the dorms. so you best stick to the backroads. The cops, on fridays and saturdays will most likely be patroling the main streats and roads that run directly from the dorms to the frats picking up dumb noob freshies. SO if you go around the long way, you can walk off your buzz and avoid the cops at the same time. Avoid holding onto each other and talking loudly. Just walk, hands in pockets, as quickly as you can without running. Not swinging your hands actually helps your drunken self retain what little balance you have left. so play pocket pool or something. ELSE, there are plenty of places to crash at the house you drink at. If the couches are full, just flop somewhere. Avoid plopping down next to a passed out female (not because it'll be awkward in the morning, but imagine her BF seeing you two passed out together while HE'S drunk!). Avoid staircases too.
7. Last night was Heaven, the morning is Purgatory
OK, so you woke up, in the morning. hopefully in a bed. hopefully in familiar surrounding. better yet, in your bed. You might not know how you got there, but as long as there isn't a DUI, MIP, or OUI stapled to your forehead, you got away clean. So now guess what? BAM! Hit with the most unbelievable headache you've ever felt! Welcome to hangeroverville, population YOU. Avoid light, loud sounds and smoking or drinking. Here's how I get rid of a hangover: Gatoraide and tomato juice. (the guy at webtender wasn't joking, this sh1t helps loads!). The alcohol basically drove out your body water and the hangover is the result of dehydration and coming out of a mild depressent overdose (the beer, you idjut!). SO gatoraide will restore your water and salts as it does exhausted athletes while the tomato juice gives you back vitamins and minerals. Eventually, it'll pass. But trust me, the ocassional trip to the bathroom to speed the process helps too.
8. Last bit of advice. Don't brag about your "exploits"
You can brag about winning a game of Sevens, or Quarters, or maybe the funny stoaries of drinking, but don't be all like "I drank 20 beers and got so wasted I passed out puking". Noone likes hearing baout how you got wasted. They'd rather hear about "that one kid who drank too much and skateboarded off the garage roof!" So please, keep your drunking stories about how much you drank to yourself. Also, if you happen to bang a chick while both of you are drunk, that's nothing special. Anyone, who finds a chick hammered enough to give her holes to a drunken idiot, will get it. You just happened to lose all self control and actually go through with it 🙂
GOOD LUCK ALL YOUR FRESHMEN AND REMEMBER TO DRINK SMART, DRINK SAFE
1. Don't drink and drive (DUH!)
I cannot stress this enough. Once you feel "tispy", drop your keys on the table or in a potted plant and LEAVE THEM THERE! Walk home or ask someone to drive you. Don't think you are well enough to drive. If you can't hop on one leg in a straight line, you will not pass the BAT (blood alcohol test).
2. If you drink > 9 cups of beer within a couple hours, PISS!
For god's sake, PISS! THe reason why you do so is to get that alcohol out of your system before it enters your bloodstream. The BAC calculator at webtender.com says 14 12oz beers with a 140lb frame (average body weight of freshmen, including girls) is almost enough to kill you. But that's only if you are stupid enough to keep it all in. Drink your beer, but after about 9, start alternating beer and water to push that liquor through your system. I made it to 18 beers in 4 hours and still walked home without memory loss. all thanks to drink-drink-piss, drink-water-piss, -water,drink-piss system (and by "made it" i meant "before the keg was polished")
3. Don't be afraid to piss or hurl...OUTSIDE
Most people hosting parties with kegs (frats and private house parties) won't mind if you need ot take a leak or hurl your load if you forgot to do the former, as long as you do it outside. Whatever your upbringing, that bathroom is going to be packed inside the house with women. Men should not take the inside bathroom as it deprives the women of needed relief (if you make them go outside cause you're embarressed....you're kicked out most likely). If you hurl, make sure that's the spot you piss next to wash it out of their grass! (may be sick, advice # 3, but it's courtisy to your host)
4. If you feel sick to your stomach, "just add water"
I don't know what was in that keg that one night, but I went all out on beer pong and high-low with an empty stomach and my 145lb frame. WOW did i get knocked up quickly. Within 12 beers, I was out on the deck lying on my side in so much sickness... But some of my less-wasted buds got me a gallon of water and a straw (thanks guys) and that helps ALOT. Won't solve your sickness or pain, or hurling, but it will definately fill your bladder and dilute that stuff. If not water, gatoraide, but save that stuff for advice #7. BUT NO MORE ALCOHOL FOR YOU, and you'll not contest this when you feel this way...
5. WALKING HELPS GET RID OF DRUNKNESS!
WALK! If you're just before the point of being sick or not being able to stand, walk it off. No more beer, drink some water, and just walk. Walk around the block a few times. Get some fresh air. piss in the yard. w/e it takes. You need to get rid of that wasted feeling and get back to being drunk if you want to enjoy the party!
6. Walking home? Take the backroads and keep a low profile
You're gonna have to walk home. or back to the dorms. so you best stick to the backroads. The cops, on fridays and saturdays will most likely be patroling the main streats and roads that run directly from the dorms to the frats picking up dumb noob freshies. SO if you go around the long way, you can walk off your buzz and avoid the cops at the same time. Avoid holding onto each other and talking loudly. Just walk, hands in pockets, as quickly as you can without running. Not swinging your hands actually helps your drunken self retain what little balance you have left. so play pocket pool or something. ELSE, there are plenty of places to crash at the house you drink at. If the couches are full, just flop somewhere. Avoid plopping down next to a passed out female (not because it'll be awkward in the morning, but imagine her BF seeing you two passed out together while HE'S drunk!). Avoid staircases too.
7. Last night was Heaven, the morning is Purgatory
OK, so you woke up, in the morning. hopefully in a bed. hopefully in familiar surrounding. better yet, in your bed. You might not know how you got there, but as long as there isn't a DUI, MIP, or OUI stapled to your forehead, you got away clean. So now guess what? BAM! Hit with the most unbelievable headache you've ever felt! Welcome to hangeroverville, population YOU. Avoid light, loud sounds and smoking or drinking. Here's how I get rid of a hangover: Gatoraide and tomato juice. (the guy at webtender wasn't joking, this sh1t helps loads!). The alcohol basically drove out your body water and the hangover is the result of dehydration and coming out of a mild depressent overdose (the beer, you idjut!). SO gatoraide will restore your water and salts as it does exhausted athletes while the tomato juice gives you back vitamins and minerals. Eventually, it'll pass. But trust me, the ocassional trip to the bathroom to speed the process helps too.
8. Last bit of advice. Don't brag about your "exploits"
You can brag about winning a game of Sevens, or Quarters, or maybe the funny stoaries of drinking, but don't be all like "I drank 20 beers and got so wasted I passed out puking". Noone likes hearing baout how you got wasted. They'd rather hear about "that one kid who drank too much and skateboarded off the garage roof!" So please, keep your drunking stories about how much you drank to yourself. Also, if you happen to bang a chick while both of you are drunk, that's nothing special. Anyone, who finds a chick hammered enough to give her holes to a drunken idiot, will get it. You just happened to lose all self control and actually go through with it 🙂
GOOD LUCK ALL YOUR FRESHMEN AND REMEMBER TO DRINK SMART, DRINK SAFE
